


The first five times

by ButterfliesInMyBrain



Series: Catradora Times [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst, Brazilian Catra, Catra Has Issues (She-Ra), Dancing, Drinking, Drunken Flirting, Eventual Romance, F/F, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Hook-Up, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slice of Life, Smut, Some Humor, Strangers to Lovers, very minor reference to rape (not with any of main characters though)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 82,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26237113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterfliesInMyBrain/pseuds/ButterfliesInMyBrain
Summary: Adora and Catra meet in a dance club, and after that, they keep running into each other in different moments of their lives. It starts as a hook-up but then turns... Complicated.Adora is an idealistic journalist with a hero complex, Catra is a photographer with a bad girl attitude, and although their personalities are very different, they find that staying away from each other is a challenge.This started as a no-plot fic, it was supposed to have only five chapters (LOL!) but it became more than that as I started getting into it.Almost all chapters have some sexual content, all characters are over 21.I actually made aplaylist, since all the chapters have songs on it.Feel free to share your thoughts :)
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Series: Catradora Times [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153724
Comments: 569
Kudos: 956
Collections: catradora_stuff





	1. Wonderful electric

**Author's Note:**

> Just having a little fun with these characters. 
> 
> Etheria is a city, loosely inspired by the city I live (in Brazil). Also, English is not my native language so bear with me. 
> 
> Oh! The title is based on a song by Stars.
> 
> Be gentle, as this is my first fan fic ever. Hope you enjoy!

Adora was starting to feel a little tipsy when she spotted her coming into the club, all the way from the bar. She felt her temperature rising, instantly pulled to those different colored eyes that danced through the crowd, as if they were searching for something or, most likely, someone. 

She took a look at the woman who owned those perfect gold and blue eyes. Leather jacket, white t-shirt, scrapped jeans. Yeah. She sent the bad girl vibes alright, and wore that like no one Adora had ever seen before. Adora wasn’t normally attracted to that type, but there was definitely something there. Sparks were instantly ignited.

Adora watched her as she moved around the club, a presence so powerful it couldn’t be ignored by anyone around her. And yet, she looked... detached, as if nothing there was interesting enough to grab her attention. Everything about her was interesting, though. At least for Adora.

For a few seconds, maybe minutes, Adora just stood there, empty drink in her hand, completely forgetting where she was or why she was even there in the first place. She was trying not to overthink this “voyeur” thing, where she had that weird privilege of looking at someone who hadn’t even noticed her. Come to think of it, she felt a little dirty. A guilty pleasure. Her gaze followed the woman as she crossed the dance floor and finally found her crowd. She joined a group of people in a booth, turning her back on Adora and ultimately vanishing from her field of vision. 

Even so, Adora would have probably stayed there for the rest of her life, by inertia, if a drunk bride-to-be had not bumped into her and snapped her back into reality. Reality smelt a lot like a martini. Oh. Right. Club. Bar. Glimmer. Drinks! 

She got her another beer and a margarita for Glimmer, as requested, and rejoined her friends on the dance floor. 

“Thanks, sweetie! Next round is on me”, Glimmer had to scream through the loud music so Adora could hear her at all.

“No way, birthday girl! Bow and I got this, don’t worry”.

Tonight was about them. Bow, Adora and Glimmer haven’t had the opportunity of going out and having fun together for months, as life and work always got in their way. Adora was usually the busiest of the three, either chasing a story for the newspaper she was working on, doing volunteer work or playing volleyball at the beach whenever she had the chance. But ever since Glimmer took a job in her mother’s hospital administration and Bow got one his own projects greenlit by his bosses, they could barely see each other. Adora was so happy for her friends, but she missed them and she was determined to make tonight worth it. Glimmer had even invited two of their closest friends from college, Mermista and Perfuma, and Adora was so happy to see them again. It felt like old times. 

So that’s why she did her best to erase the image of those blue and gold eyes from her mind, and the gorgeous woman who had the luxury of carrying them around, and began dancing along with her friends. 

That didn’t stop her from looking over her shoulder every other song, though.

***

The night was going great and still had a long way to go. Even Mermista, who never seemed excited about anything, looked cheerful, although her and her date (Adora wasn’t sure if she understood correctly through the music, but apparently he was called Seahawk? Yeah, what was up with that?) were taking a break from the dance floor and got them all a booth. 

A few more beers later, Adora made a quick trip to the bathroom. Adora washed her face and went to the bar for some water. While she waited for the bartender, she turned her head to look for her friends on the dance floor, and what? She suddenly felt dizzy, as if the Earth had changed its pace and started moving backwards or something. 

She blinked just to make sure that she wasn’t imagining things, but it was very real: Glimmer was talking to a white-haired, really tall and broad woman and beside her was… Yup, the girl with the rockstar attitude that Adora had been trying (and failing) not to think about for the entire past hour. She took a long sip from her water bottle before marching back to her friends, feeling it would be a good time to start sobering up.

It took her only a few seconds to get to the dance floor, but by then she had already imagined all the worst possible scenarios. From what she gathered, she was almost 80% positive that scary white-haired-buff-lady was hot-rockstar’s girlfriend and she definitely wouldn’t be happy to see Adora checking her date out. She would make a big scene, it would get physical, the bouncer would kick them out and banish her from the club forever, Glimmer’s birthday would be ruined and it would be all her fault. Oh, well, at least she would have a bloody nose and a fun story to tell. Yay. 

She was approaching the group when Glimmer, Perfuma and Bow saw her coming. They must’ve noticed her hesitation, because they started waving at her frantically, causing their two new companions to turn their heads. Those mismatched eyes were suddenly staring into her own, measuring her up and down. Fuck. Why was she so nervous? It’s not like she hadn’t been exposed to attractive girls before. 

“Adora, come!”, Bow’s voice brought her back from her daydream as she came closer. 

“Come meet these guys! This is Scorpia, I think I mentioned her to you already”, Glimmer winked. Yes, now Adora remembered that Glimmer had once suggested setting her up with this Scorpia person. She could totally understand why, even though there was not a single spark. On the other hand... - “She’s a radiology resident at the hospital. Scorpia, this is Adora, we met in college before I changed to business management and have been best friends ever since!” 

“Hey, there! So nice to meet you! Oh, man, Glimmer sure talks a whole lot about you guys! I feel like I already know you all! You’re the one who works at the Horde Daily, rite? That must be so cool!”. It really wasn’t, but Scorpia sounded genuinely kind and not at all scary, which made Adora feel silly for her previous assumptions. Her relief manifested itself in a big, warm smile.

“Heeeeey, how’s it going?”, still way drunker than she would like to be. “Sooo nice to finally meet you too. You, whose name is Scorpia, and also… uh… this... your, uh...” Shut up. Just. Stop. Talking.

“Oh, and this is Catra, she’s our freelance photographer and also Scorpia’s…”, Glimmer came to her rescue and then paused as she didn’t know how to complete the sentence. Adora felt her cheeks burning as the bad-girl looked at her, a mischievous grin on her lips, clearly noticing how nervous she was. 

“Roommate and best friend in the whole world!”, Scorpia said, hence clearing the air about what their relationship status was. Catra smiled and quickly waved at Adora, still eyeing her body. Adora wasn’t sure what that look meant - maybe she was just trying to figure Adora out, maybe she wanted to mess with her, maybe it was something more. Either way, Adora could almost feel the weight of Catra’s eyes on her, her face blushing, sweat building up inside her palms. 

“Why don’t we go sit down for a while, so you can all catch up?” That was Bow’s suggestion. “Our friend got us a booth… Somewhere”. He took his cellphone out to send Mermista a text. 

“Sure! You guys go on ahead, I’m just gonna tell Entrapta and the gang what we’re up to, okay, Wildcat?”. Adora smiled at the nickname (and at Scorpia’s overall sweetness) as she locked eyes with Catra, her face turning red once again.

After some quality hanging out time, Adora had learned a couple of things about Catra. She was sometimes hired by Glimmer to take pictures for the hospital’s social media account. Also, she had the most adorable freckles on her face and kept sending Adora these looks that totally threw her off. What was that about? Was Catra messing with her? Was there something on her face? Did she think she was weird? She couldn’t possibly be flirting... could she?

Other than that, Glimmer was still slightly trying to push Scorpia and Adora together, apparently oblivious to the fact that Scorpia and Perfuma were super vibing. They all talked about work, then about clubbing, then about dating, then about how Glimmer and Bow were spending her first birthday as a couple after too many years of mutual and unspoken yearning.

Meanwhile, Adora and Catra were having their own staring contest, exchanging secret looks and keeping the actual conversation to the bare minimum. Truth be told, Adora was trying her best to keep to herself, afraid of saying something dumb like she always seemed to do. She knew how incompetent she was at making small-talk even when she was sober, so it would be safer to just stay as quiet as possible. On the other hand, she _would_ look like a total nerd if she didn’t say anything _at all_ , so maybe she should try joining the conversation at some point - but uh, check out those arms, she’s even hotter with that jacket off and... Hey, that song’s awesome. 

“Hey, that song’s awesome! Don’t you guys just love that jaaam? OK, I’m gonna catch this one, be right back, don’t you go anywhere”. Adora made her way to the dance floor, wondering if she was a bad person for leaving Glimmer on her birthday for selfish reasons, even if it was for just a little while. However, those feelings of remorse quickly vanished as she let the music take her over. 

She had just started dancing when she felt someone’s hand on her bare shoulder, the mere touch sending shivers down her spine. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. Catra’s messy hair was suddenly invading her personal space, brushing her cheeks as she leaned in to whisper: “Mind if I join you?”, a raspy, sultry voice. Too close. Adora felt her brain turning to mush, her legs suddenly weak.

Adora turned around to face her and, with that, their mouths no more than a few inches apart. Adora smiled smugly, feeling confident about Catra’s intentions, but still trying to control her urges as she didn’t want to rush anything. They started dancing, Catra’s hands around her waist, her gaze asking for Adora’s consent. Adora responded by pulling her even closer, their bodies finding their own rhythm through the music. It was clumsy at first, but it quickly felt comfortable, as if they have been dancing for ages, each one figuring out exactly how and when the other would move next. Adora felt herself sobering up as her arousal grew, her throat getting dry - other parts not so much. Catra bit her lower lip and, as if she could read Adora’s mind, she brought one of her thighs close between Adora’s legs, grinding her lightly, fingers deep on Adora’s scalp, then moving to pull her blonde hair out of its perfect ponytail. Adora felt hot and giddy as they rocked each other to the song, going down, almost touching the floor, then up again, their bodies so close together that one wouldn’t be able to tell them apart. 

By the time the song ended, Adora was sweating, panting, gazing into Catra’s eyes as if she was about to get lost in them. 

“Wanna get out of here?”, Catra said, leaning towards Adora, brushing that delicious velvet voice of hers into the blonde’s ear.

Adora wasn’t one for random hook-ups. Sure, when she was younger, it had happened once or twice, but it didn’t take long for her to acknowledge that she was a complete disaster when it came to flirting with strangers, as she couldn’t read signals very well. She was also usually oblivious to the fact that other people flirted with her constantly, unless they were super straightforward about it. For that reason, most of her sexual encounters had been with women she had been dating or at least had some kind of previous relationship with. 

But what the hell, right? She was single, available and wouldn’t pass up the perfect opportunity to blow off some steam. Plus, she had never felt this much turned on by anyone really, especially someone she’d just met, so she was more than curious to see how far this feeling could take her. 

“Yes”. Almost a whisper. She realized she would have to make an actual effort to speak, the English language starting to feel like a distant memory for her last two neurons. “...But it’s Glimmer’s birthday, it would be rude to leave right now”.

“Sure, take your time, princess… If you can”. Adora’s body trembled, betraying any sort of self-control she had left. It was _so on_. 

They danced a little more before going back to the booth, Adora with her legs floppy from all the tension; Catra smiling casually, as if nothing was going on.

There were more people sitting with them now, two girls, one of them with long purple hair, and a frail-looking blonde guy. Catra introduced their friends to Adora, but her brain was unfortunately out of service and she didn’t catch any of their names at all. 

Perfuma was telling a story about… A horse, apparently? Something with apples? Adora couldn’t really follow. Her mind wandered and she only caught glimpses of the conversation, nodding politely as she secretly imagined Catra’s lips against her own and how her body would feel below hers. She was gathering all her strength to at least pretend that she was engaging in the conversation, but Catra was making it ten times more difficult. She kept teasing Adora from across the table, staring, smiling, fake-yawning, stretching her arms and glancing at an imaginary watch on her wrist, that smug smirk always hanging on her face. So mean. 

But even Adora had to admit that she was very into this game, as she pictured her head between Catra’s thighs and ached to find out how she would taste. 

As the hours passed, Catra became more daring, taking every opportunity she could find to get closer to Adora and touch her “by accident”. She seemed to be amused by the fact that Adora got so easily flustered, her pale face turning red each time Catra’s fingers traced her skin. Oh, how she wanted to feel those fingers finding their way into her body, how she wanted to --

“Adora, are you OK? Your face is all flushed”. Glimmer sounded actually concerned.

“Maybe she’s having an allergic reaction to the alcohol again?”, said Bow. Oh, how she loved her clueless friends. To be fair, it had happened in the past, so he kind of had a point. 

But nope, that wasn’t it.

“Yeah, Adora, what is it?” Catra said, a sadistic smile on her face. “Do you wanna go outside? Maybe it’s just too hot in here”. Annnnd the game was over. 

“Actually, uh, I guess I’m very tired. Oh, boy, look at the time. Yeah, I should get going. Glimmer, would you mind if I head out?”. She replied, a terrible liar as ever, not-so-subtly letting Catra know that she had won. She was also sure that Glimmer, and possibly Bow, had seen right through her bad acting, but right now she didn’t fucking care. 

Glimmer smiled in confirmation.

“Not at all! You know what, I’m pretty beat too. It’s almost 3 in the morning! I guess I’m getting too old for clubbing! Should we go home, babe?”

“Whatever you say, tonight I’m under your rules”.

“Sorry, we’re gonna go, but you guys have fun! I’m so glad I got to spend my birthday with all of you guys. Nice to meet you by the way!”. 

“Wait up, it’s still so early! What do you all think, let’s stay a little longer? Ooh! Maybe later we could check out that new burger place in the Fright Zone? They even have a vegan menu”, Scorpia asked, mainly focused on Perfuma.

“Sure, I’m up for anything”, Mermista said, with her trademark casual tone.

“Sorry, sweetie, maybe some other time! Right, Adora?” Glimmer winked at her, and she just nodded, grateful for having the best friends ever. Also...

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a rain check on that one. But it was nice meeting you all. Happy birthday again”, Catra stood up and put her jacket on, already heading towards the exit and glancing discreetly at Adora. 

Glimmer and Bow gathered their stuff to leave, Adora followed. The three of them said their goodbyes to the rest of the group and met Catra outside, having a smoke. 

“So, Adora, are you feeling better? Wanna share an Uber with us? Catra, do you need a ride?”, Bow had already taken his phone from his pocket.

“Which side of town are you all going to?”, Catra asked nonchalantly. 

“Me and Bow are going all the way to Bright Moon, and Adora lives in the Whispering Woods”.

“Oh. I live near her then”, Adora wasn’t sure if that was a lie. “If you want, we can share one Uber and you guys take another”. 

“Sure, yeah, totally. Yeah. That sounds, uh, that sounds like a great plan, yeah”. Glimmer rolled her eyes at Adora’s general awkwardness.

***

When Adora opened her apartment’s door, she felt Catra’s kisses on the back of her neck, wet and hot, hands all over her, eager to undress her. Adora was very aware of every touch, warmness building between her thighs, as she turned her head so they could finally share their first kiss. She was pleased to find that their tongues seemed to understand each other with no effort whatsoever, much like their bodies on the dance floor. 

Adora closed the door behind them and pressed Catra’s back into it, biting the brunette’s lower lip with just enough pressure to make her moan. Adora’s hands pressed hard against Catra’s jeans, then moving up to her stomach, then cupping her breasts over the fabric of her white t-shirt. Catra shut her eyes, gasping as Adora’s palms brushed lightly against her nipples.

She seemed suddenly impatient, grabbing Adora by the waist, twisting her around and reversing their positions, pressing her back to the living room wall, her hands working the zipper behind Adora’s dress. So that’s how she likes to play, huh? 

But Adora had no problem giving up control, letting Catra nibble her ear and bite her neck. That was gonna show tomorrow, but Adora didn’t mind. She just wanted more.

Catra pulled away to take a look at Adora, at her blushing face, her rapid breath. A smirk.

“You look feverish, princess. Maybe I should just put you into bed”, and just like that Adora’s dress fell to the floor.

They didn’t make it to the bedroom.


	2. No, not exactly lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so I guess I'm bumping the rating to E, just in case. Things could get spicier along the way. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> Chapter title credit:
> 
> Tricky - Overcome (feat. Martina Topley Bird)

“Hey, where does this one go? Do you want me to put it in your bedroom?” Scorpia asked while holding a big box labeled ‘clothes’. 

“Yeah, the bedroom’s fine, thanks”, Scorpia disappeared on the hallway as Catra stood in the middle of the living room, contemplating on how all of her belongings fit in just a few boxes. Catra had been looking for her own place for almost a year now, and she still couldn’t really believe she found a partly-furnished - and affordable - apartment by the sea-side. Sure, it was a lot smaller than Scorpia’s place, the only bedroom just big enough for the double bed, but compared to some of the places Catra lived during her teens… It looked like a fucking palace. And sure, she would miss having a roommate - although she would never admit it to Scorpia - but the feeling of finally having her own place was priceless.

“OK! You’ve officially moved in”. 

Catra went to the balcony, excited to take a look at the ocean right in front of her, a view so stunning it made her smile. This must be what pride feels like. She turns around to face Scorpia, a spark in her eyes. She really fucking did it. Even in her wildest dreams, she wouldn’t have imagined that she would be living alone anytime soon, much less in Mystacor. Suddenly, all her late nights, all the rich bitchy brides she had to put up with, all the boring social events, all the times she had to put her own art on hold so she could make an extra buck. It had all been worth it. She felt powerful, like she was able to accomplish anything she set her mind to.

After meditating on her triumph for a bit, she turned to look at Scorpia and became nostalgic. Catra owed Scorpia for so much. Scorpia took her in when no one else would, expecting nothing in return. She gave her a place to stay, rent-free, no questions asked. On top of that, she was actually helping Catra move in - who does that? Well, Scorpia. Because that was the kind of friend she was.

“Thanks, Scorpia. You know... For everything”. 

She felt the hug coming from a mile away.

“I’m just so proud of you, Wildcat! You made it. I know how hard you’ve worked for this. Oh, you’re gonna be so happy here, I can tell”. She squeezed Catra and they just stood there for a while, until the hug felt a little awkward. “Do you want any help getting settled? If you want, we can have an unpacking pajama party”.

“Nah, I don’t think I’m gonna unpack right now. Maybe my equipment and the essential stuff or whatever. I’m so fucking tired, I could sleep for a week”.

“Knock, knock!” Perfuma entered, a dopey grin on her face. She was carrying a bag and also… A plant? “I wanted to give you something nice for your new place! This one isn’t demanding when it comes to water, but you should put her”. Oh. That was actually kind of sweet, even though Catra had a terrible record with plants... Or living creatures in general. “I hope you don’t mind, but I also did a little grocery shopping, I figured you’d have an empty fridge and didn’t want you to starve”.

“Thanks, Perfuma, I really appreciate it”.

“Oh, you sweet, beautiful genius, you are the perfect woman! Isn’t she the perfect woman?” Scorpia practically ran towards her girlfriend to embrace her, taking the vase and the grocery bag from her hands. Then they kissed, as if they hadn’t seen each other for the last decade. It was funny, they had been dating for over six months now, and they still acted like teenagers around each other.

“Barf. Get a room, you two”. 

They giggled like the idiots they were and Catra couldn’t help but smile - although she would forever deny it. Those two dorks truly were the perfect match. Scorpia deserved happiness more than anyone. 

The three of them helped Catra with the basic arrangements until the sun started setting. It was then that Perfuma suggested going to the beach in order to celebrate. 

***

They were sitting on a bench by the boardwalk and talking, Catra still amazed by the view. Around them, kids were flying kites, people were relaxing, exercising or playing sports, as the ocean waves came and went in the background. Catra took a sip of her beer and inhaled deeply, nearly pinching herself to believe that this was happening. 

“Watch out!”

She was so lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t see the volleyball coming straight at her. Thank God for Perfuma’s ninja reflexes, otherwise Catra would’ve been hit in the head. “Shit, that was close!”. She burst out laughing in relief, trying to catch her breath, the adrenaline pumping through her body. 

They began looking around, trying to trace the source of the accident, when Catra saw her running towards them. Blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin barely covered by tight shorts and a sports bra, the memories of that night flooding Catra’s brain. The way she smelled, the way her tongue felt between Catra’s thighs, the way her body squirmed when she was about to come, the look on her face during her climax. It was all coming back to her as if she had no control over her thoughts. Her palms were sweating, her heart was racing. Obviously just a reaction to the life-threatening scare. Obviously. It couldn’t be because of--

“Adora?”

“Oh! Perfuma! Hi! And Scorpia and, uh… Oh, everyone, you’re all here, it’s so great to see you guys! I'm so sorry, I totally didn't see you!”. Perfuma and Scorpia jumped to greet Adora, but Catra just sat there, finding that she was unable to move. _‘Everyone’_ , really? Did that idiot actually forget Catra’s name? Catra almost scoffed.

Adora grabbed the ball and turned her torso around to throw it back to her teammates, giving Catra a very satisfying glimpse of her perfect abs as she stretched. “Hey, Huntara, I’m gonna sit this one out, OK? You guys carry on without me!”. 

“Adora, what a surprise! I didn’t know you still played”, Perfuma said, approaching to hug her -- but stopping herself when Adora warned her about her own sweaty situation. 

“Yup, every saturday and sometimes on wednesdays, after work. Best way to blow off steam”. Catra would disagree on that one.

“Adora and I used to play together in college” 

“Oh yeah? You never told me that!”, Scorpia said with a hint of resentment on her tone. 

“That’s actually how we met each other. We were not bad overall, but Adora here was our big star”. _Of course_ she was.

“What? Noooo, pfft it was not like that, c’mon”. The flattering made Adora blush, but a smug smile made a brief appearance on her lips.

“Are you kidding me? This one was our HERO. Remember that match against Salineas? You hammered out like 31 points or something. We even got to the National League for that season. You were a legend!”

“I wouldn’t say thaaaaat, it’s a team sport after all…”

“Don’t sell yourself so short, Adora, there’s nothing wrong with admitting your strengths. But anyway, we should catch up! Scorpia and I met Glimmer and Bow at a party a few weeks ago”.

“Oh, yeah, the gala at the hospital, right? They mentioned you were there! By the way, I was so happy to hear about you guys!” 

“Seven months next week, can you believe that?!” 

As Catra fell to the background, she took her phone out to check her messages, still catching a few glimpses of the conversation every now and then. So far, Adora was clearly avoiding looking directly at her, but Catra could swear she saw her looking through the corner of one eye, her white cheeks discreetly blushing while she blabbered about some story she was working on for the paper. 

“Wildcat, do you want me to get you another beer? I’m gonna get some coconut water for me and Perfuma. Adora, do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good, thank you!”

“Another beer would be great”. At that point, Catra had not yet moved from her place on the bench. Nor did she plan to. ‘Everyone’ was resounding on her gut, her pride still wounded for her to even consider being polite. A gift and a curse of being born under the Scorpio sign.

Scorpia looked at her own two hands, probably wondering how she would juggle all of the requested beverages, when Perfuma came to her rescue: “Want me to help you out?” 

“Yeah, that would be awesome, c’mon!”

And off they went, leaving Adora and Catra alone. Catra turned her attention to her phone again.

“Hey, Catra”. 

Her heart pounded. She slowly turned her gaze to the image of the blonde, who was looking straight at her. When their eyes met, though, Adora looked away.

“For a minute there I thought you were mad at me, trying to kill me and all”. 

“I’m so sorry, I really didn’t know it was you! It’s getting dark and it happened so fast, I didn’t see--”

“I know, dummy, I’m just messing with you”, Catra said, putting her phone down. “Anyway, this is a coincidence”. 

“Yeah, what were the odds, right? Especially after such a long, uh… a long -- Well, it’s, uh, it’s good to see you”. She was finally looking Catra in the eye when she said that last part, her ponytail destroyed from the sweating, a lock of blond hair falling over her rosy cheeks. Her flushed face made Catra’s mind wander off, returning straight to the memory she worked so hard not to think about for the last few months. The memory of Adora moaning beneath her, goosebumps on her skin at the slightest touch, hard nipples between Catra’s fingers... 

Fuck.

Catra pondered. She was rarely interested in sleeping with the same person more than once, but the effect Adora had on her was undeniable, even after so much time. So what if...

“I just moved to that building right across the street”. Catra nodded at it, Adora’s eyes suddenly wide, giving her full attention. “From what I just heard, chances are we may bump into each other more often”. 

“Yeah? Would you -- would you like that?” 

“Wouldn’t complain”. That smug smile returned to the blonde’s face. “But maybe we shouldn’t risk leaving that up to chance, though”. 

“What do you suggest, then?” Adora cocked an eyebrow and stepped forward, her chest dangerously close to Catra’s face. The brunette looked up to meet her eyes again, trying her best to restrain her most immediate urges. 

“Well, I’m not working tomorrow night”, which was a rare occasion, since Catra usually worked on social events during the weekends.

She noticed Perfuma and Scorpia coming their way. Adora must’ve noticed it too, because she started stretching a leg on the bench Catra was sitting on. 

“I’m sorry, was that a suggestion?” Adora asked playfully, watching Scorpia and Perfuma approach them while stretching her other leg, almost brushing Catra’s thigh with her calf.

“Only if you want it to be. And if you don’t mind going through a maze of unpacked boxes, ‘cause I literally just moved in”. 

“What’s your apartment number?” She was stretching her arm now; her tone more direct. 

“902”. 

“Is 9 o’clock OK?” Now, the other arm.

“Yeah”. 

“Here’s your beer, Catra!” And their friends were back.

“Thanks, Scorpia, you really are the best”.

“Don’t mention it! It’s your night after all”.

Catra took a sip of her beer. An awkward silence emerged.

“So anyway, I should get back to the game. It was so nice running into you! We should do this more often”.

“We definitely should”.

***

They were lying on the couch, Adora on top of Catra’s body, resting her head on the brunette’s chest and gently stroking her breasts. The position felt a little awkward, but neither of them dared to move an inch, as they were both exhausted from their most recent activities. Two untouched glasses of red wine rested idly on the coffee table, all of their clothes scattered around the living room floor, music playing softly in the background.

Catra was quiet, still high from her last orgasm, feeling her brain - and all of her limbs - completely numb, a soft buzz roaming through her body. It was Adora who broke the silence.

“So is this gonna be like a tradition? Us never making it to the bed?” She placed a kiss above Catra’s collar bone and nibbled at it. Wait. _Tradition_? Catra chuckled nervously.

“I don’t know about that, I was really looking forward to showing you all the other rooms”. Then she kissed Adora on the forehead and gently moved to her side, standing up to find her t-shirt and her pack of cigarettes. 

Adora sat on the couch and took a sip of the wine, finding her panties next to her feet and putting them back on. “I would be honored to take the grand tour”.

“We have all night, princess”. Catra put a long t-shirt on and lit a cigarette, heading towards the balcony. The plant Perfuma gave her was there now, on a small table against the railing.

Adora took a long sip of her wine and joined Catra, the two of them staring at the ocean’s waves, the full moon reigning over them. 

“Wow, this view”. Another long sip. 

“I know. I’m still getting used to it”. 

“I wouldn’t mind waking up to this”. Oops. This is definitely going too far. 

Then, she must have realized the implications of what she’d just said, because she got all flustered and started giving Catra her best impression of a tomato. “I mean… I would love to have this, uh… At my own place, I-I”. Catra leaned back, resting her elbows on the balcony’s railing. It was like watching a loose train heading for an accident. “I don’t have a view like that in my place, but of course you know that already and heh--” Yup, she was actually making it worse. A deep breath, then... “I just mean that this is a nice place, with a nice view, and that’s all”. 

What a disaster. But also very charming, in her own way. Catra smiled and put her arms around Adora’s waist, allowing herself to enjoy it for as long as the night lasted.

“Are you sure you’re a journalist? I thought that communicating well was kind of a major requirement for that”, to which Adora giggled. 

“I’m off duty, it doesn’t count”. Adora pulled her closer and Catra felt the blonde’s breasts brushing against her own, just a thin layer of fabric separating their skin. She pressed closer, her hands on Adora’s hips, then her ass, giving it a teasing squeeze. Adora responded by digging her fingers into Catra’s scalp and grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling gently as she leaned in to kiss her. It started soft and tender, but quickly turned into something else.

“How about that grand tour?”, Adora whispered as they parted.

Catra didn’t reply. She just smiled and politely pushed Adora back, leading her to the bedroom while kissing her again, her hands tight on the blonde’s butt, but quickly moving up to pull her shirt over her head. Adora raised her arms, allowing Catra to get rid of that inconvenient piece of clothing as she pushed them both into the bedroom. Once inside, Catra gave her a slight nudge, causing Adora to stumble over the bed while she turned herself around to find the light switch on the wall. 

*Click*.

Now _that_ was a view that Catra could get used to. Adora, bracing her elbows against the mattress, a mischievous, hungry look on her face, just waiting for Catra to fuck her.

Catra wasn’t in a hurry. She wanted to savor this moment, as it would probably be their last. So she took her time. She gazed at Adora’s body, trying to memorize every curve, every dot, every freckle, every scar. 

She noticed a scar under the blonde’s ribcage, clearly from a deep wound, maybe even a surgery. Catra wondered what happened there, but she wouldn’t dare to ask. Several smaller injury marks on her legs, her knees, one just above her right breast. Most were probably the result of a clumsy and maybe hyperactive personality, but even so, this woman clearly had gone through a lot. 

It wasn’t until then that Catra fully captured how beautiful Adora was. She was so perfect it was almost annoying. Just looking at her like that gave Catra the chills.

She then took her own shirt off, pausing to get a glimpse of Adora’s reaction to her nakedness. She was pleased to see the blonde licking her lips, so ready for her. Adora stood on her knees to kiss Catra, her hands on her hips, pulling her in. Catra pried Adora’s hands away, forcing her to lie on her back again. 

She leaned over and slowly pulled Adora’s panties down, positioning the blonde’s legs up over her shoulder. Adora gasped as Catra’s mouth approached her center, becoming impatient, her fingers gripping Catra’s scalp tightly and pushing her head closer. Catra smiled as she began to taste her, so moist and warm; so soft and vulnerable against her tongue. She could feel Adora slowly freeing herself from all restraint, moaning, gasping, nearly screaming - begging for more. Catra was happy to oblidge, anxious for watching Adora come undone under her tongue, increasingly aware of the power she wielded over the blonde.

Needless to say, this was going to be a long night.

***

Adora was putting her pants on, still sitting on the bed. Catra laid naked under the sheets.

“Hey, is this your work?” Adora asked, her eyes referring to a picture frame on the bedroom’s floor. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna hang it tomorrow, I guess”. The picture was one of Catra’s favorites, a black and white photo of her friend Entrapta - though she looked more like a blurry shadow creature with several ghostly arms, due to the use of long exposure technique. 

“This is amazing. You’re really talented”, Adora said as she picked the picture from the ground. 

“Don’t sound so surprised”, Catra said playfully. 

“I’m not. I just thought you deserved to hear the compliment, that’s all”. She put the picture back on the floor.

That actually made Catra smile. “Well, thanks then”. She sat up to put her arms around Adora and kiss her shoulder, maybe ready to go again.

“Hey… I should go. I have to be up at 7 tomorrow”. To that, Catra chuckled in surprise.

“You’re kidding! That’s in less than 3 hours”, Catra felt a little guilty. On top of leaving so late, she would also be riding home by herself. But the alternative was… Not a possibility. Not if she wanted to maintain this as a strictly physical relationship.

“I’m aware, thank you. But also... Definitely not complaining”. She turned to kiss Catra on her cheek, a tender look emerging on her face. Oh no. Catra knew what that meant, she knew what was coming next. And she wanted to run in the opposite direction.

“Say… Do you think, you know, you won’t be working again anytime soon?” There it was. Shit.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”, Catra replied, as nonchalantly as possible. 

“Uh... Yeah, I would, that, uh, that’s why I asked”. She said that unironically, providing conclusive evidence that she was the densest person that Catra had ever met. _Still very charming though_. “I just thought that maybe we don’t need to wait for another seven months to, you know, do this again”.

Catra took a deep breath. She really didn’t want to answer. She had a feeling that if they kept doing this, things would get… intense. And intense meant complicated. And complicated was something that she just couldn’t do. As much as she wasn’t ready to close that door, she had her own scars too.

But how could she explain that without sounding like a jerk? 

“Look, Adora…”

“-- Oh, God, I’m sorry...” Adora was trying to hide her disappointment to Catra's reaction, but wasn’t doing a very good job at it. 

“I don’t want you to get the impression that this means… Anything other than what it is”. 

“Yeah, sure… Wait, but you’re assuming-- I wasn’t -- This doesn't have to be... You know what, fine”, Adora said, trying not hide her discomfort as she reached for her phone to call herself an Uber. “It’s just that I thought we had a good time. I don't understand why we can’t uh -- Is there someone in your life?”

“That’s not the point”. She deflected, even though there wasn’t anyone. “I just don’t…” Catra could feel her resolve fading, so she took deep breath. "I'm not looking for a relationship right now".

“But who said-- OK, yeah, sure. No, of course, I understand”.

“Now you’re being weird”.

“Who’s being weird? I’m not -- I’m not being weird, you’re being weird”.

She wanted to kiss her so she would stop talking. 

“Look, why don’t we just… Enjoy what we had. And then, who knows. Let things happen, no plans, no strings”.

“So you prefer leaving it up to chance”. She didn't know exactly what she preferred, so she stayed silent. “Sure. If that's what you want”.

She wanted to make her stay and start the evening all over again. She wanted to fuck her until they passed out from exhaustion. More than that, she really wanted to ask Adora to spend the night and forget she ever said that.

But she didn’t do any of those things. 

Instead, she closed the door as she watched Adora leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, another long chapter... And some ANGST building.
> 
> Hope this was fun!
> 
> By the way, the album I imagine that would be playing in Catra's apartment:
> 
> The XX - Coexist


	3. Just the memory of you feels like poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Hope you enjoy! :)

Instead, she closed the door as she watched Adora leave.

Adora knocked three times on her editor’s door before opening it. Mara was typing something on her computer, but stopped whatever she was doing to face Adora.

“Hey, am I interrupting?” 

“Oh, no, nothing big. Come on in, I have something to ask you too”, Mara said smiling as Adora entered the room. They had a great professional relationship, one could even say they were friends. When she joined the paper a couple years ago, Mara acted like her mentor, giving Adora plenty of opportunities to thrive, to excel at her job. Adora took those opportunities diligently, making her way to a position where she could pitch stories that actually mattered for her, stories that could make a difference. Mara had provided a safe environment for her to share her ideas, nurturing her idealistic personality, when many editors and colleagues would have dismissed her.

Still, Adora was a little anxious - uneasy, even - with the conversation she was about to have. Mara must’ve noticed, as Adora was terrible at hiding her feelings to anyone.

“Is there something on your mind?”

“I need your advice. Something, uh, weird is happening and I wanted to discuss it with you before making a decision”.

“Go on”, Mara closed her laptop, showing Adora that she had her full attention.

“A few days ago I started receiving anonymous messages on my cell phone. A whistleblower. They say they have access to classified information about a… Very... Influential individual. If this is true...”.

“Wait a second”, Mara got up and closed the office’s blinds, giving them more privacy. “Sorry, proceed”.

“They say they have access to private conversations that can prove that, uh, this person has...”.

“Adora, if you want me to help you, I’m gonna need a little more information than that. Are you comfortable with that?” Adora was fidgeting with her phone, unsure if she should just show Mara the messages she had received.

“OK… They have something on Minister Prime. Uh… Evidence of sexual misconduct. Multiple victims. Apparently it’s been going on for years”. Mara paused, her eyes suddenly worried. Minister Prime was a very reputable religious leader from Etheria, recently elected City Councillor. 

“What do they have?”

“Text messages, personal pictures, documents, even a video… The sample they sent me is… Disturbing, to say the very least. It looks like there’s something there, but I can’t tell if it’s legit or not by myself”. 

She handed Mara her phone and her editor started to take a look at the texts. Her expression was hard to read.

“Did they tell you why they chose you, specifically?”

“They read my piece with the sex workers from Crimsom Waste... I guess they thought I would sympathize”. 

“I see. So... You want to ask if you should pursue it”.

“I want to ask if I  _ can _ pursue it”. 

Mara exhaled deeply. 

“For this to work, it has to be airtight. There can’t be any holes, no loose ends whatsoever. If you’re wrong, this can destroy you. It can end your career”.

“I know...” Adora’s voice was starting to sound weak. She looked down to the floor, fidgeting with her hands now.

“But if you do pursue it and you find solid evidence that these allegations are true… I’ll back you up”. Adora shot a relieved look at her editor. “See if the story checks out. And then we’ll talk more”.

“Thank you _so much_ , Mara. I can't stress how much this is important to me”. It felt like a weight had been lifted from Adora’s shoulders.

“Just... be careful. We don’t know who this ‘DT’ person is… They can always be trying to use you for their own agenda”. 

“The thought has crossed my mind, yes. I’ll be careful”.

“In the meantime… I have another assignment for you”. 

“Sure, what is it?”. 

“The press conference at City Hall later in the afternoon. Rogelio can’t make it, so I’m sending you”.

***

Mayor Lighthope called the press conference to present the city’s long-term development plan - Adora actually knew the schematics beforehand, because the architecture office Bow worked for had signed the project. Adora hated going to press conferences, as they usually dragged on for hours and involved unnecessary socializing with politicians - but hey, at least there was food. She was devouring some finger sandwiches when she noticed Huntara approaching her. 

“Hey, what are you doing back here with us mere mortals? I thought you only did feature stories now”.

“The paper was short on staff, so here I am”. They hugged. “I missed you”.

“Me too, blondie. You disappeared from our game, what happened?” 

Adora hesitated. A little more than one month had passed since she started avoiding their weekly volleyball game, and Mystacor altogether. The reason was something she was not proud of. The truth was, after her last hook-up with Catra, going to the beach had become an agonizing source of anxiety. 

Her mind would play tricks on her. She would see the brunette everywhere. Once, she could have sworn that she heard Catra’s raspy voice calling out for her. She felt like she was being haunted. It was hard enough not to think about the way Catra’s tongue felt between her legs when she was about to go to sleep every night, but the temptation to actually knock on her apartment’s door was a little more than Adora could bear.

At some point, she just stopped going. Catra had ruined Mystacor for Adora and she hated her for it. More than that, she hated herself for still being so hung up on a  _ stranger _ that had clearly stated she had no interest in seeing Adora again. Even when she tried dating other people, the mere memory of Catra’s erratic breath beneath her own would still make her warm in all the right places. 

She felt like an addict. It was embarrassing, really. 

But of course, she couldn’t tell Huntara any of  _ that _ . 

“Ooooh, you know, I have a lot going on right now so I couldn’t really mmmm -- but I’ll be back when I uh --” Quick, change the subject. What’s that on her upper arm? “Hey, is that a new tattoo?” 

Very subtle.

“Yeah, check it out!” Huntara raised her sleeve and Adora leaned in to take a closer look at the design, a very cool black and grey abstract tattoo of cactus motive. 

“Wow, this is amazing”, she said as she touched Huntara’s well-defined arm, which made her friend smile smugly.

“Just needed an excuse to touch my arm, right?” They used to tease each other and flirt all the time, but that was as far as it went.

“Pfffff, would you get over yourself?” Adora snorted and looked away, laughing. And then her brain must have started playing tricks on her again, because for a moment there she thought she saw Catra staring at her from across the room. Sure, like Catra would be in a press conference at City Hall. Haha, you truly  _ are _ obsessed. But wait, she’s holding a camera. Yup, and she’s using said camera to take pictures. Now she’s glancing at Adora again, with those blue and gold ey -- oooh, fuck. Fuck fuckidy fuck. It  _ was _ Catra. Her hair was straightened, but it was definitely her, looking all professional and unequivocally  _ hot  _ with those black pants, white t-shirt and suspenders. Adora gulped, a familiar knot in her stomach. 

“Hey, it was just a joke, no need to freak out”, Huntara said, probably noticing Adora’s panic expression. “Oops, we should go, I guess it’s about to start”. Huntara practically had to pull her by the arm in order for her to move.

The next half-hour was excruciating. Adora was making an actual effort to pay attention and take notes, but that became almost impossible when she knew that Catra was around her somewhere. Her body squirmed in her chair every time the photographer entered her field of vision to take pictures of the event. 

It also didn’t help that the conference itself was boring, even more boring than Adora had anticipated. She just wanted an excuse to get out of here, feeling exhausted by all the tension. Adora then told Huntara she needed to freshen up and went to the bathroom in-between presentations. 

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. As she washed her face, she heard a flushing sound coming from one of the stalls, then its door opening. Adora closed the tap, looked up at the mirror in front of her and almost jumped when she saw Catra standing right next to her, washing her hands. The brunette chuckled at Adora’s startleness.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost”. Adora struggled not to blush, but it was no use - from the moment Catra opened her mouth, her cheeks were already burning up. That was the effect Catra’s presence still had on her, which made her lose all control over her body.

“Well… I-I guess I’m s-surprised to see you here”.

“Oh, yeah, sometimes I do freelance work for the City Hall”.

“Yeah, I-I figured as much… With the camera and all”. Adora felt so small all of a sudden, so weak, like her body was slowly sinking into the ground. At the same time, her mind was racing - all the dreams, all the memories that she had about Catra came flashing through her brain, all at once. She couldn’t structure her thoughts, she’d been trying to repress those feelings for so long, now that Catra was actually in front of her she could barely hold herself together.

“You’re very observant”, Catra said as she dried her hands, a smirk on her face. “So... How are you?” 

“I-I’m… You know, ok”.  _ Just try to relax and this will be over soon, Adora, it doesn’t have to go so bad _ . She dried her hands and then her face. “A little bored, actually”. Catra cocked an eyebrow. “No, I mean, n-not... I’m not bored by yo-- I’m not bored right nooow, I mean I’m bored by the presentation”. Yup. Just perfect. 

“Really? You didn’t look bored over there”. Catra turned her back against the counter, sliding closer to Adora, her arms crossed. Adora stiffened, uneasy about the sudden proximity, her thoughts becoming hazier. 

“I-I didn’t?”

“On the contrary, you seemed to be enjoying yourself. And, you know, enjoying your company”. Wait... What? 

“Huh?” Adora frowned, a little confused. “Oooh, you mean Huntara?”

“Is that her name? I wouldn’t know”, Catra said, as nonchalantly as possible, but Adora could swear that… “You two seemed pretty close, that’s all”.

Adora’s lips turned into a cocky grin. Catra was jealous.

“Why are you so interested in who I am with?” 

“I’m not interested!”, she hissed. 

“Riiiiiiight…” 

“Whatever, I was just making an observation”, Catra hissed as she looked away, defensive. For Adora, her reaction was equivalent to a confession. Her smug smirk went wide.

“Catra, if you want to know if I’m seeing her, you should just ask. We’re both a little old for games”. For the record, Adora was in no rush to clarify Catra’s misconceptions about her relationship with Huntara.

“I don’t! I mean… I don’t want to know. It’s none of my business, it shouldn’t matter”. 

“For someone who said she didn’t want to see me again, it sure seems like it matters”. 

Catra looked genuinely offended. 

“I never said  _ that _ , Adora”, For a moment there, Adora felt bad for pushing Catra a little too far. “Whatever, I was just trying to talk, it didn’t have to be weird”. 

As Catra started to leave, Adora grabbed her wrist.

“OK, I’m sorry. Can we just… Change the subject?” Catra’s expression softened and Adora let her arm ago. “Uh… How have  _ you _ been?”

“I’m fine. I’ve been working a lot these last few weeks, but that’s actually a good thing. Last month was a slow one, so it’s good to have a lot going on right now to compensate for it”.

“I know what you mean, I have some friends who do freelance work and they always tell me how it fluctuates a lot”.

“It does, but still, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. At some point you get the gist of it. Besides, I hated it when I had a boss”.

“I don’t know, stability has its advantages. Personally, I like having a routine”.

“Ugh, routines drive me crazy. I’d get antsy or bored if I did the same thing everyday”.

“Mmm… I would go crazy without one. It depends on how you look at it, I guess. I go to work at the same time, everyday, for almost three years now, and I still get surprised every single day. It’s the same people, it’s the same job, but it’s never, you know, the same. For me… Having a routine is a way to maintain my balance. It keeps me grounded, gives me something to look forward to. It’s only boring if I allow it to be boring. I’m the one in charge”.

Adora glanced at Catra and caught her briefly staring at her mouth.

“Well, except for press conferences. How do you put up with these social events? You don’t look like the type of person who likes this kind of thing”.

“Nah, it’s just a gig. It pays really well, so I can’t complain. I try not to overthink it, really. And also… I never leave home without this”. She then took a flask from her backpack and drank its content. Adora laughed in surprise, moving just a little bit closer to the brunette.

“Oh, my God, you’re like a character from a TV show”. Catra scoffed, pretending to look offended.

“What?  _ I am not, _ shut up!” Catra said, reaching out to give Adora a gentle push, but the blonde frustrated her attempt by grabbing her wrist.

“You so are! You’re so guarded, it’s like you never say what you want to say… I... can’t really tell when you’re being serious or not”. 

“Well, that’s because you’re an idiot”. Adora smiled at the insult. 

“The two things are not mutually exclusive”. She noticed that she was still holding Catra’s hand and that the brunette didn’t pull it away. The realization made Adora’s stomach turn backflips again; she felt sparks running through her skin. Every part of her body wanted exactly one thing. 

She looked at Catra’s hands, then at her lips, then at the flask. Suddenly, alcohol felt like a good idea. Catra must’ve noticed her gaze.

“You want some?”.

“I shouldn’t... I’m working”. Catra rolled her eyes and took another sip.

“Come on, this circus is gonna be over in a minute”. Well, that much was true... 

“You’re a very bad influence, did you know that?”, Adora said before taking the flask. 

“I’ve been told”. Adora took a sip from the flask and--  _ bluuuhhwoah _ . She gasped, sticking her tongue out and pulling a face. Adora wasn’t into whisky, much less neat. It was really strong, too, a little too strong for her liking. She felt the heat go down her throat and settle in her belly, while her body went limp. Her face still winced at the aftertaste. 

Catra burst into laughter. “God, you’re so adorable”. Adora’s face turned red, as she absorbed what Catra had just said - an actual, genuine compliment. They locked eyes. Adora could listen to heart pumping in her chest and she felt herself giving in, letting all guards down. There was no way to avoid what was going to happen.

Adora pulled even closer, their bodies almost pressed against each other. “Your date is probably waiting for you”, Catra said in a whisper, sending shivers down Adora’s spine.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No”. Her tone lacked the usual snark - she sounded almost vulnerable.

“Do you want me to stop?”, Adora asked, leaning in closer and pulling her by the suspender. The brunette shook her head.

“But Adora --”. She knew what Catra would say. She knew that she probably shouldn’t do this. She knew she was bound to get hurt. But for a moment there, she didn’t want to think about any of that. 

When they kissed, it felt like Adora’s whole body was humming, vibrating, for it had been waiting for this for so long. Adora didn’t want to hold back, she wanted to take Catra whole - and from the looks of it, the feeling was mutual. In just over a minute, one of Catra’s hands made its way under Adora’s blouse, leaving scratch marks behind her back, while the other one unzipped her jeans. Her middle finger went straight for Adora’s clit, massaging it gently and making her whole body shake.

“You’re so fucking wet”. The whisper came out so soft, it almost sounded romantic. Adora couldn’t hold a soft whine, her hands gripping Catra’s suspenders and then sliding over to cup the brunette’s breasts, while she leaned forward to kiss and suck her neck.

She was about to let everything happen right over there, but alas, the sound of applause coming from outside reminded her of where she was. A public bathroom, in which anyone could enter, at any time, during a work-related event. Was Adora losing her mind? When did her sex life had become a scene from a bad lesbian movie? It all felt so unreal, so new. No one had ever made her feel like this, physically or otherwise. 

The noise made her part from Catra’s hands, still panting. She started to recompose herself, a nervous chuckle hiding her own frustration. Catra followed her lead, looking equally disappointed.

“So… I guess this was a little crazy”, Adora said as she tucked in her blouse and fixed her ponytail.

“Which part?”. 

“The public bathroom part”. 

“Yeah, that’s a turn off”. Catra smirked, looking straight into Adora’s eyes. She did her best to concentrate, feeling brave enough to take the next step.

“Look, you know... I would love to take this somewhere else… And I don’t really want to wait around for another two months”. She tried to read Catra’s expression as she reached for a pen in the outer pocket of the brunette's backpack. She then plucked a paper towel from the repository and scribbled her number on it. “So… This is my number. You do whatever you want with it. I’m not asking for anything. There’s no pressure, right?”. 

Catra was still quiet, gazing at her, a contemplative look in her mismatched eyes. Adora folded the piece of paper and put it in her hands, bringing them to her mouth to give them a soft kiss. 

The mood was once again disturbed when two women entered the bathroom, talking about the mayor’s presentation. Adora knew she had to go back for the follow-up questions, so she turned to wash her face once more, still buzzed and flushed from the recent physical interaction. Then, she kissed Catra on the cheek before heading back to her seat. 

“Bye, Catra. I really hope I’ll see you again”.

***

Two weeks had passed and Adora’s phone was busier than ever. Apart from her regular work routine, she had received a lot of new texts from DT, the mysterious whistleblower that had been leaking information about Minister Prime. Also, Glimmer and Bow would check in with her everyday. But no sign of Catra. Adora hated to admit it, but she was miserable. She knew she would have regretted not giving her number to Catra, but she hadn't considered how bad it would be if she never contacted her. All the waiting and the not knowing made her anxious, as she hated being in a situation she had no control over. 

She was doing sit-ups in the living room while Glimmer sat on the couch and tried to find something to watch on Netflix.

“I’m just saying, if she hasn’t called you yet, she’s just not interested. I’m sorry, but if you’re asking for my opinion, I think you should let this go. What about Set it Up?”.

“Nah, it’s cool, but I don’t feel like watching it again. -- But what if I asked Perfuma for her number? She probably has it, right?” Glimmer shot her friend a concerned look. 

“Sweetie, that would be pushing, don’t you think? You already did your part, now it’s up to her”. She kept on browsing for movie options. “Someone Great?”

“Soooo not in the mood for that right now” She then yelled at Bow, in the kitchen. “Booow, do you need any help there?”

“I’m good, thanks! By the way, where do you keep your cutting board?”

“In the bottom cupboard!” Adora finished her sit-up series and started doing push-ups. “Yeah, but what if she lost my number?”

“Then she could’ve asked Perfuma for it herself. It’s not like you don’t have anyone in common, Adora. Also, she could’ve found other ways to reach out. What about Whip It?”.

“Sounds great!” Adora panted as the workout session was starting to get intense. There were still ten more to go. “OK, so you think I should just forget about her”.

“Yes, Adora! Why would you invest so much of yourself on someone who said clearly that she doesn’t want a relationship? I mean, self-sabotaging much? It’s like you  _ want  _ to have your heart broken. You should date other people, get laid, get it out of your system. I even know the perfect perfect to introduce you to”. 

“Glimmer, the last time you tried to set me up with a girl it was a complete disaster, so no, thank you”. Adora finished her push-up series then wiped the sweat off her face with a hand towel.

“But come on, this time I promise that she’s perfect for you. Boooow, don’t you think Starla would be perfect for Adora?” 

“I think Adora has to decide that for herself”. Adora gave Glimmer that ‘I told you so’ look, sticking her tongue out. “But yes, I think they would be a good match”, Bow said as he brought a large saucepan to the dinner table.

“Ha! Told you! That settles it. I’m texting her with your number right now”. Adora’s eyes widened as Glimmer grabbed her cellphone.

“What? Glimmer, no!” Adora literally threw herself at her friend to prevent her from sending the text, hitting her elbow on the coffee table. “Ooooow”. 

“Alright, alright, I’m kiddiiiing! I’m not sending her your number, but you have to promise me you’re gonna think about it. Now get off me, you’re all sweaty, ew”. 

Glimmer got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen.

“OK, I promise I’ll think about it. But remember that I already tried seeing other people and it didn’t work”.

“Going on ONE date is not really  _ trying to see other people _ , Adora. I’m with Glimmer on this one, you need to de-stress, get this out of your system. If this girl didn’t call you or text you in two weeks, she’s not gonna”. Bow said as he set the table, while Glimmer came from the kitchen bringing a bottle of wine. 

“Alright, you guys won, it’s time for me to move on”. Adora said, getting up from the floor. “So, enough about me, how about you two guys?”. 

“Oh, not much. I’m working on a new project for City Hall, so that’s something I’m kind of excited about. Hey, on Sunday we’ll go to the beach with Mermista and Seahawk, they’ll go surfing, wanna come?”.

“Maybe… I’ll think about it”. Adora’s phone buzzed, so she went over to the TV stand to check it. Probably another message from the elusive ‘DT’.

“Do you want more wine, Adora?” Glimmer asked, but Adora wasn’t listening anymore. 

Instead, she froze beside the TV stand, staring at the message on her screen.

_**[Unknown Number]** hey, adora _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, there's more of a plot emerging, I guess.
> 
> PS: This one didn't really count as their third time, so I guess I'll be working on more chapters than I had planned :)
> 
> The chapter's titled was inspired by the song "Poison", by Martina Topley Bird.


	4. You know I'm unlovable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there's a little more explicit content on this chapter.  
> Also, some subtle mentions of homophobic incidents (I might get a little more into them on the next chapter).
> 
> Enjoy :)

Catra’s phone was stacked among the others, in the middle of the large round table. Her cigarette rested in the ashtray while she carefully studied her friends’ expressions. Entrapta dealt the flop, putting three cards face up on the table - an ace of spades, a two of hearts and a ten of clubs. Catra glanced at the cards in her own hands: an ace of hearts and a two of diamonds. She had two pairs so far. She successfully hid her satisfaction behind a blank stare.

Scorpia turned on the music and checked her hand. Her face was like an open book: Catra took one look at her and knew that her best friend had nothing so far. Entrapta was also not great at hiding her thoughts, but she had all her math knowledge favoring her poker skills - so, overall, she was a fairly good player. The real competition was Perfuma, who was surprisingly good at bluffing. 

But still, when it came to lying, Catra was the best of them, hands down. That wasn't really a positive quality, though, but she took pride in it and even bragged about it. 

She took a sip of her beer and raised Entrapta’s bet, as she noticed her phone buzzing on the table.

“OK, Wildcat, I’m gonna see your dollar and raise you… Two!”. Oh, poor Scorpia.

“I’m out”, Perfuma said, dropping her cards on the table. 

“Mmm… I’m gonna call, since I’m almost positive that you are bluffing, Scorpia… I’m not really sure about Catra, but given her record there’s a high probability that she is bluffing too”. Entrapta said as she narrowed her eyes to read Catra’s expression more thoroughly. 

After putting her two dollars on the table, Entrapta dealt one more card face up on the table - a king of clubs. Catra noticed as Scorpia’s expression shifted, excitement showing on her face. She probably had at least one pair now. 

She also glanced discreetly at her phone, as it vibrated again. Could it be… No, probably not. Catra checked the time. 8 pm. It was too early. She said she would be working on that story all night. But maybe...

“I’ll pass”, Entrapta said.

“Yeah, me too”.

“I’ll bet one more dollar, I’m feeling pretty lucky tonight!”.

“Good for you”, Catra said, calling Scorpia’s bet as Entrapta folded. 

The dealer turned over the last card, revealing a two of spades. Catra took a long drag from her cigarette, hiding a smile.

“I’m gonna bet two dollars”, She said.

“OK, Wildcat, I’m gonna call your bluff”.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see who’s bluffing in a second, smartass”, Catra said, a smug smirk turning on her face, as they both turned over their cards and showed their hands. As Catra predicted, Scorpia had one pair - two kings - but that wouldn’t be enough to beat Catra’s full house. “Twos full of aces. Sorry, Scorpia! Guess I wasn’t bluffing this time”.

“Ooooooh, shoot! I was so sure I had it! Oh, man!”

“Don’t feel bad, sweetie, you’ll get her next time!” Perfuma comforted her girlfriend with a kiss to her shoulder, as Catra collected her winnings and laughed to herself. 

Her phone buzzed yet again. Twice in a row, this time. That was more than Catra’s curiosity could bear. 

“Hey, I’m gonna sit this one out, OK?” Catra said, reaching for her phone, as casually as possible. “So one of you losers can actually stand a chance of winning a round", she teased.

“Yeah, you’re just afraid of the rematch”, Scorpia scoffed.

“I think she wants to check whoever texted her four times already”, Entrapta said without taking her eyes off the deck, while she shuffled the cards for the next round. Catra shot her a threatening look, but the girl was so focused on what she was doing that she didn’t really notice.

“Oh, she’s right! Come to think of it, you’ve been texting a lot more these last few weeks, Catra… Maybe there’s a new lady in your life?”, Perfuma teased and Catra felt herself blushing, suddenly unable to hide her emotions. 

Scorpia saw her reaction and quickly snatched the phone from Catra’s hands. “Time out! Stop right there! Does that mean my Wildcat is finally dating someone? Oooooh, this is huge!”. 

“You know I don’t date, so no! I’m not dating anyone. Now give that back!”. Scorpia stood up and held the phone high above her head, so Catra wouldn’t be able to reach it. “What are you, a fucking five year-old? Stop it!” 

“Wait, you don’t date? How come?”, Perfuma asked.

“She prefers to keep her sexual encounters free of any possible strings or commitments”, said Entrapta, still shuffling the deck of cards. 

“Why?”

Catra shrugged, while trying - and failing - to reach for her phone. “I’m undateable”. 

“That’s not true! You can’t really believe that, Catra”, Perfuma sounded outraged and Catra interpreted it as a compliment.

“I don’t get emotionally attached, there’s no point to it”. Catra said as she literally chased Scorpia around the table. “Dating usually means I end up hurting people who don’t deserve to get hurt. So I just... Don’t”.

“You can’t be serious. I think you’re bluffing”, Perfuma said, disarming Catra for a second. “You’re saying you’ve never been in love? Ever?”

“Not really”. That part was true. In fact, at that point, Catra honestly believed that she was incapable of falling in love with anyone. 

“She’s afraid of getting  _ herself  _ hurt, so she projects that fear on the girls she sleeps with, justifying her actions by reversing the situation. Ergo ‘I’m afraid of getting hurt’ turns into ‘I’m afraid of hurting you’. And she resolves that conflict by being emotionally unavailable to any viable prospect”.

“Oh, my God, you’re so right!” Perfuma seemed genuinely impressed by Entrapta’s elaborate explanation of Catra’s behavior. 

“I am not -- OK! Could you all just stop with the psychoanalysis bullshit and mind your own fucking business?” Catra hissed.

“Oh, come on, at least tell us if it’s a girl!”, Scorpia pleaded, still holding Catra’s phone above her head.

“How would I know, if you’re not letting me read my fucking messages!”

“Oh. Yeah. Fair point”. Scorpia handed her phone back. “Sorry, go ahead”.

“Thank you!” Catra said, still pissed off. But her lips quickly turned into a mischievous smile as she checked her messages and confirmed her suspicions. 

> _ Adora: Hey! U know that story i was working on?  _
> 
> _ Adora: I made a lot of progress today and i thought i deserved to take a break _
> 
> _ Adora: Now im wondering what to do… ;) _

The fourth message was a selfie that made Catra’s suck her own lips - Adora lying on her bed, wearing a sports bra, hair down, a cocky grin on her face, arms and abs fully exposed. Damn. There should be laws preventing someone from having a body like that, Catra thought. 

They had been exchanging messages for about three weeks, but hadn’t really met since the press conference, as they were both having trouble getting around their schedules. Catra was in the middle of a particularly intense month and Adora had been extra busy working on a major story for the paper. They were never available at the same time. So they texted. Not everyday, but often. Of course, if you want me to be honest, the conversation would qualify as sexting most of the time, but even so it was already the most enduring relationship Catra had ever had. That is, if you want to call it a relationship, because Catra certainly didn’t think of it as one.

They discussed some ground rules and agreed that this would be about sex, and sex only, with no strings attached. They would have fun until it wasn’t fun anymore. So if any of them felt that emotions were getting in the way of their fling, they would make it a clean break. 

> _ Catra: All by yourself?  _

“So, tell us! Is it a girl?” Catra let out a yelp, startled by Scorpia’s sudden proximity, realizing that her friend’s head was behind her neck trying to take a peek at her phone.

“Wha--How long have you been there?!”

“A while. Go on, tell us!”

“Ugh, fine! Yes, it’s a girl, now can you just drop it?”.

“Sure! For now. But - oooh I’m so excited, we could go on double dates, it’s gonna be so much fun!” Scorpia said cheerfully, as she disappeared into the kitchen.

“Will you stop being so you and just listen? We’re not dating, we’re just hooking up. It’s not a big deal”.

Her phone buzzed in her hand.

> _ Adora: Well i don’t rly have a choice… unless someone were to show up at my doorstep… _

After three weeks trying and failing to line up their schedules, Catra wouldn’t turn down the chance of having great, mindblowing sex again. Especially because, after Adora, all the girls she’d hooked up with were just… Quite frankly, boring. 

In contrast, just thinking about Adora’s body and all the things she wanted to do to it made Catra’s fingertips tingle. Her whole body heated up in anticipation of Adora’s touch on her skin. Poker night did not seem important all of a sudden.

> _ Catra: that can be arranged _

“Catra? Are you leaving?” Catra hadn’t realized she was already standing up and walking towards the front door. Perfuma’s voice brought her back to the room.

She turned around to face her friends, slightly embarrassed by her lack of control over her own legs. 

"So it's not a big deal, huh?", Perfuma teased.

“Sorry guys, but something came up. I have a situation to take care of”. Catra cocked an eyebrow and smirked, wearing her bad girl face again. “Do you mind?”

Perfuma and Scorpia shared looks.

“Not at all, kitty, you go ahead and take good care of that  _ situation  _ of yours”, Scorpia said as she refilled the bowl of nachos on the table. 

“Gee, I wonder what that  _ something _ might be?” Perfuma added with a giggle.

"See you later, guys".

***

When Adora opened the door, Catra’s mouth went instantly dry. She was wearing a white tank top and knee-length shorts, so her delicious arms and calves were on display. Her feet were bare and her hair was tied up in her traditional ponytail, a single strand of hair falling over her face. She looked beautiful. As soon as she saw Catra, she opened a wide and warm smile.

“Hi! Come on in!” She said with a sigh, and Catra could tell the girl was nervous.

“Hey. I brought some wine”, Catra said, handing the bottle to Adora as she closed the door behind them.

“Great! Uh - Thanks! Shall we, uh... Open it?” Adora cocked an eyebrow and she took the lead to the kitchen, a dumb smirk on her face, as if she was trying too hard to act cool or look sexy. Catra was right behind, chuckling to herself. 

Adora took a corkscrew from a drawer, filled a bucket with ice and set it on the table, placing the bottle inside. While she worked on the wine cork, Catra made her move. She pulled Adora’s ponytail away to kiss the back of her neck, her teeth down on the blonde’s soft flesh, sucking on it voraciously as her hands went under Adora’s shirt. 

There was no time for pleatsantries. Catra needed to have her right away. 

The blonde let out a soft moan, dropping the corkscrew and turning around to kiss Catra. Their tongues were almost desperate, fiercely searching for each other at first, but quickly adjusting to each other’s rhythm. Catra wrapped a hand around the back of Adora’s neck to pull her face even closer to herself, while her other hand went to Adora’s ass, pressing their bodies together.

Adora grabbed Catra by the thighs and lifted her up from the ground, reversing their positions to place her seated on the kitchen table - and the fact that she held her up so effortlessly made Catra growl, feeling her lower abdomen pratically burn.

Catra wrapped her legs just above Adora’s waist, pulling her closer to sink her teeth into the blonde’s neck. Adora's left hand went under her shirt, lifting it slightly so that she could trace her abdomen with her fingertips, sending chills down her skin. Her right hand was busy somewhere behind Catra, but the brunette didn't really pay attention, as she was more concerned with sucking Adora's collarbone, purposely leaving a mark that would show for days. 

She heard the sound of ice rustling inside the metal bucket and grabbed a handful of Adora’s hair, destroying the rest of the ponytail and tightening her grip in anticipation of what would happen next. When she felt the ice cube touch the back or her neck, she moaned loudly, bringing a satisfied smirk to Adora’s face. Adora sank her left hand inside the bucket, so her fingers were cold when they wandered over Catra’s back. Catra dug her nails into Adora’s scalp, lightly grinding her crotch against the blonde’s belly, searching for friction as she felt her temperature rising.

Adora took the ice cube to her mouth and leaned in to kiss Catra again, a little awkwardly at first, but they quickly found a way to make it work and the sensation was amazing. Her mouth was steaming hot and the contrast with the ice felt like an electric shock, making her aware of every part of her own body. When they parted, Catra locked the ice cube on her lips and went for Adora’s neck, and she instinctively reacted by digging her nails on Catra’s back. Catra took the ice cube from her mouth, her lips swollen and throbbing as she nuzzled against Adora’s ear, cold breath on her neck. 

“Take off your clothes”, She tried to sound commanding, but her voice barely came out as a whisper. 

The blonde obediently complied, taking her shirt off while Catra unbuttoned her shorts. One by one, the clothes fell to the floor, and Catra’s breath hitched in her chest at the sight of Adora’s naked body, now covered only by her panties. She immediately leaned in to suck on Adora’s hard nipple, her tongue still cold from the ice, while her hand squeezed the other one. 

“Oh, fuck”, Adora gasped, arching backwards, her knees weakening as if she were about to give in and let herself fall to the ground. 

“Gladly”, Catra said as she went down from the table, using all her body’s strength to push Adora against the wall while pulling down her underwear, nearly tearing it in the process. 

Catra's middle finger found Adora's clit, rubbing it back and forth. She felt Adora's weight pulling her down, until the two of them fell on the cold porcelain tile floor. Adora moved to perch on her elbows, biting her lip as Catra diligently ran circles around her clit, increasing pressure and speed until Adora's body collapsed on the ground. Catra then pushed two fingers inside her and watched as Adora squirmed, whining, moaning, pleading for more. She added another digit and continued to pump, marveling at the blonde’s reactions at every thrust, trying to memorize all the sounds, smells and expressions on the other girl’s face. 

She could sense that Adora was close when her thighs went rigid and she started to grind herself against Catra’s fingers to increase the friction, so she curled her fingers and started rubbing Adora’s clit with her thumb. It didn’t take much longer, after that. 

And oh, what a show it was.

Adora looked so vulnerable as her body trembled under Catra’s hand, her eyes widening as she gasped and grunted in exasperation, her face turning red, her fingernails digging deep into the brunette’s back. Catra watched closely as Adora came, and the sight itself was so arousing that for a moment she considered touching herself to find her release.

She slowed her rhythm down, patiently working through Adora’s orgasm until she completely stopped twitching underneath her. While she was at it, the blonde looked spent, as if her eyelids were too heavy for her to keep them open.

Catra removed her hand from Adora and leaned in for a kiss, but was caught off guard when the blonde... Burst out laughing. 

“Hah-I’m sorry”, She managed to let out while still laughing, "It just feels... Hah-So good".

Her laughter filled the whole room and it seemed as uncontrollable as it was contagious. Catra stood in awe, not being able to keep herself from smiling. 

It was beautiful. She was beautiful.

She was sure that she would remember the way Adora’s skin glowed, how her eyes watered with laughter, how her face twitched when she smiled. She would remember all of it, probably for the rest of her life. And then, right there, it struck her. The feeling that maybe she wasn’t so incapable of love as she thought. And the overwhelming fear that came shortly after that realization.

But her mind went blank in the instant that Adora picked herself from the ground and went for her legs, lifting her up and finally taking her to the bedroom. Once again, Catra wrapped her legs around Adora’s body and whined, marveling at the blonde’s strength. Adora must have noticed it, because her lips slid into a smug smirk.

“You like that, huh?” Catra nodded, struggling to breathe properly while Adora dropped her on the bed. “Yeah?" She gave her a hungry look. "Let’s see what else you like”. 

Adora pulled her shirt over her head and started kissing a trail to her navel.

"You're so beautiful", Adora said, and Catra felt like she could actually believe it. 

Her competitive nature felt the urge to subdue Adora and reverse their positions, but she lacked the willpower to actually do it. Instead, she gave up all control over the situation and just let the blonde proceed to undress her, pin her wrists to the bed, bury her face between Catra's legs and make her come in ways she did not think were possible until that night.

***

They were lying on the bed, Adora fiddling with her phone to put on some music while Catra stroked the large scar below her right rib. Adora’s phone buzzed in her hand.

“Oh, crap”.

“Something wrong?”

“No.. Not really. Bow’s birthday is coming up -- You remember Bow, right? You guys met that night”

“Yeah, the architect, right?”

“Exactly. So his birthday is coming up and him and Glimmer…” Adora paused herself. “They want to set me up with this girl from his office -- Is it OK if I tell you this?” 

“Sure, why not?” Except it wasn't even close to being OK, and Catra was more surprised at that realization than anyone else would be. But thankfully she was a great liar, as we’ve already established. 

Adora glanced at Catra suspiciously. 

“OK…” A hint of discomfort on her voice. “Yeah, no -- I just hate the idea of blind dates, that’s all”. 

They went quiet for a minute, until Adora found a song she was satisfied with and placed her cellphone on the nightstand. Catra broke the silence.

“Does it hurt?” Adora tilted her head to look at the scar.

“No. Sometimes it scratches a little, but most of the time I don’t even remember it’s there”.

The song changed and Adora’s face lit up.

“This song - Oh my God - I remember when I was in college, I went to a party and I got so drunk! This song played and I... Well, let's say I almost gave the audience a show that wouldn’t be appropriate for minors”. 

Adora laughed nostalgically, but Catra was still secretly interested in learning the story behind that scar. She wondered what could’ve happened, playing different possibilities in her head, but of course it was a private matter that she would never dare to intrude. Adora must’ve noticed that her attention was elsewhere. 

“Do you wanna know the story?”. 

“Only if you want to tell me”.

“It’s OK, really”. She smiled warmly. “It happened when I was fifteen. I was coming home from school one day -- I don't remember why I decided to take a different path than I normally did, but I guess it doesn't matter. The thing is... I saw these two guys fighting in an alley, and they were about my age, I think, or a little older. One of them was getting really beat up. And I don’t know what got into me… Next thing I know, I was jumping between them and trying to break up the fight”.

“Oh, my God”. Catra couldn't believe her ears. Of all the scenarios she had envisioned, this one would never have crossed her mind. “Oh my God! You’re even stupider than I thought”. Adora burst out laughing.

“Yep, definitely not my brightest moment”. She sighed. “Anyway, the real problem was… One of them had a pocket knife--”.

"Shit". 

“Yeah. Well, at least I beat the crap out of him and broke his nose before he ran away”. 

“You broke his nose? Wow, way to defy the blonde princess stereotype. And then what happened?”. 

“Fortunately, we were close to the hospital and the other guy helped me get there. I stayed in intensive care for like two weeks, due to the blood loss. I was lucky that the knife didn’t pierce any major organ”.

They stood in silence for a moment. Catra came closer to kiss the scar gently, trying to come to terms with the fact that the woman before her was still alive and breathing merely by a conjunction of random coincidences. 

“So are all your scars due to, you know, this hero complex of yours?”.

“A few of them are, actually… But no, most are from sports injuries and general clumsiness, nothing glamorous”. 

“Riiight… Is this like a story you tell to impress the girls you fuck?”

“Only the really hot ones”. She said with a smile, moving herself in the bed to kiss Catra’s exposed breast, nibbling and playing with it a little. “Anyway, that was when the rumors started”.

“What rumors?”

“You know… That I was into girls”. She covered her mouth with her hand and gasped, bringing a fake-surprise expression to her face.

“Oh, you mean  _ those  _ nasty and also  _ super accurate  _ rumors”, Catra teased and they both started chuckling.

“Except that I had absolutely no idea at the time. I only came out like five years later, at college. But yeah, those bullies were definitely onto something, they found out before I did”. She started pinching Catra’s nipple, giggling as it became hard under her touch. Such an idiot.  _ So cute _ . 

“What about you?”, Adora asked.

“What about me, what?

“When did you know?”

And just like that… Everything came rushing through her brain. The illicit looks, the hushing, the hiding, the secret touches, the kiss. And then the shouting, the fighting, the crying; the sound of her cell phone being smashed against the wall, her whole life coming to pieces. It had happened so long ago, but it felt so fresh it still stung. Catra did her best to keep her expression neutral, using her poker skills. 

“I don’t like to talk about it”. She buried her face in Adora’s neck, kissing it softly in an obvious attempt to change the subject. 

“OK, I’m sor--” Catra’s hand slid over Adora’s body and settled between her thighs. “Oh--wow”. 

Catra overheard her phone buzzing somewhere in the background, repeatedly. 

But she didn't stop herself to answer it. What she was doing was more urgent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's title came from "Hurry on Home", by Sleater-Kinney.
> 
> And the song Adora mentions in the final segment is supposed to be "Changes", by David Bowie.
> 
> Hope you liked it :)


	5. I'm clean out of air in my lungs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra individually suffer hard blows in their personal lives and try to deal with it in their own way. How is their non-relationship gonna be affected by that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> This chapter is a little different than the others. I struggled with it a little, because I had to accommodate both points of view in the same chapter, since there was no passage of time between them. So it's kind of a 2-in-1 chapter (that's why it's longer than the others).
> 
> Also... I'm actually having a lot of fun writing this, and I'm not ready to close this one yet. So this story might have more chapters than I predicted. I'm trying to stick with the "five times" premise, so this chapter exceptionally has no actual sexual content (just implied). 
> 
> Oh, yeah, in this au Catra's Brazilian, because I'm Brazilian and I say so.
> 
> CW: Referenced past child abuse, referenced violence, referenced homophobia
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

When Adora’s alarm went off, she was already up and working on her computer. Her time with Catra had cost her hours of progress and she had a deadline. She was supposed to send Mara her piece about Minister Prime for review, so it would get published on Tuesday. It was a Sunday, so she didn’t have much time. Gladly, she was almost done. 

Adora was really proud of her work. For the last month or so, she had managed to locate and interview five women who were willing to share their - very disturbing - stories about how Prime took advantage of them in times of vulnerability, abusing their trust as a religious leader to ask for sexual favors. The women wanted to get their story out before pressing charges, hoping that the public opinion would help their case. In addition to their statements, Adora also had received phone records, documents and texts from her mysterious source and managed to check their authenticity with the help of the paper’s IT department. 

She and her editor were afraid of retaliation, especially because Prime had a lot of political influence in Etheria. But they both agreed that their better chance was to just publish the story. If anything happened to either of them afterwards, it would just make the City Councilor look more guilty. Adora was nervous to take that calculated risk, but also excited to think that she was fulfilling her life purpose, doing something that could make a positive difference.

The only thing distracting her was the very vivid memory of the night before. She could still feel Catra’s cold breath against her ear, she could still feel her fingers pushing through her walls and she would get giddy just to think about it. And yes, she knew herself too well to understand that this was quickly becoming more than just sex to her. She knew that she was steeping in too deep, too fast, even though Catra had made it clear that she didn’t want anything remotely similar to a relationship. But if their no-strings-attached agreement was the only way she could get to spend more time with Catra… Then so be it. Covering her emotions was something she was already used to.

But still, it wouldn’t hurt to just text her, right? I mean, what harm could it be?

> _ [07:55] Adora: hey, lemme know if u got home safe! also… i had a great time last night :) _

She made herself some scrambled eggs and toast before going back to work.

A few more hours later, and Catra had not yet replied, but at least she was almost done. She doubled-checked all the facts and references in her story to make sure the narrative was airtight, as Mara advised, and was about to send it to her editor when her phone buzzed. Her heart raced, her mouth went dry, but she soon felt silly because of course it wasn’t Catra.

> _ [10:57] Glimmer: Morning! Me and Bow are going to Mystacor, wanna come?  _

Adora laughed to herself. She really was such an idiot.

> _ [10:58] Adora: sure! i just have to finish something real quick _
> 
> _ [11:00] Glimmer: Ok im on my way to pick u up, get ready _
> 
> _ [11:00] Glimmer: I cant wait to tell u about the party arrangements!!! _

The party she was referring to was Bow’s birthday, next Saturday. 

Adora sent the e-mail to Mara and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes when her text message ringtone went on again. Probably Glimmer sending details about the party’s decoration or something.

But she was positively surprised when she found that her intuition was wrong.

> _ [11:03] Catra: What were u doing up at 8am on a sunday?? Dont u sleep? _

Adora’s lips turned into a smile and she could almost hear Catra’s teasing tone.

> _ [11:03] Adora: LOL not really! I was working on that story i told u about, it’s due today _

Then a thought came through her brain. And that thought turned into an idea. And then...

> _ [11:04] Adora: But hey since ur up i wanted to ask you smth _
> 
> _ [11:05] Adora: Bow’s birthday is next saturday and your friend Scorpia’s gonna be there w Perfuma so... _
> 
> _ [11:05] Adora: Maybe you would like to come? And save me from that blind date i told u about? _
> 
> _ [11:05] Adora: It’s totally ok if you dont i just thought we could have some fun ;)) _

That sounded casual enough, right? At least from Adora’s point of view it did. After pressing send, she stood staring at her phone for almost a whole minute, waiting for Catra’s answer. As it didn’t come right away, she finished washing the dishes and got ready to meet Glimmer and Bow. Surely Catra would text her at some point, there was no need to be so anxious about it.

Except that the whole day went by and Catra didn’t reply.

She could almost hear Glimmer’s voice repeating the words she said earlier, while they were in Mystacor. “Why are you so invested in this dead-end, Adora? She’s a player! She’s just gonna use you until she gets bored. And it’s not like she didn’t warn you! She said it over and over that she’s not after anything serious and it’s  _ not your job _ to try and change that”. 

Glimmer was right. Adora had a bad habit of making it her mission to  _ fix _ people - even when there was nothing to fix. But she had a hard time understanding the fact that other people might have different life choices than her. Not everyone is bound to like relationships.

So, when Monday night came, she decided to text Catra again and clear the air.

> _ [19:03] Adora: Hey, sorry if I said anything wrong, forget what i said about the party ok? _
> 
> _ [19:03] Adora: Let’s just go back to what we were doing. _

Still no answer. _Bravo, Adora, you really managed to screw that one up_. 

Meeting someone new could be a good thing after all, so she was actually looking forward to Saturday.

But of course, the week wasn’t over yet. Being rejected was terrible, sure, but if Adora knew what was coming her way, she would rather be rejected a million times.

On Tuesday, as scheduled, her story was published in the paper’s cover and website. As expected, it dropped like a bombshell and soon it was the only thing people were talking about. The after effect was immediate. It didn’t take long for Prime’s legion of devoted acolytes to find her social media profiles, dig through her personal affairs and start an aggressive smear campaign against her. 

It escalated quickly. By Wednesday, the paper had received multiple death threats directed at Adora and even Glimmer and Bow were getting hateful messages on their social network pages. At first, her name - and face - were just being associated with blatant lies, easy to refute. Some of them were even funny. But the slurs became more sophisticated, adorned with distorted versions of accurate facts like her sexuality or political preferences. Even the accident that took her parents’ life was somehow being used against her. There was no mercy in their goal to depict her as the antichrist.

Adora tried her best to keep her cool, reminding herself that this backlash was expected. She made the rational decision to stay inside her apartment, turning her cell phone off and binge watching her favorite TV show. She just had to hold herself together until the dust settled. Surely it would all be over soon. It had to.

She took Bow’s advice to take some time off social media until she figured out her next move. For the last of the week, she checked her phone once or twice - and the fact that Catra never replied to her texts did not go unnoticed. Bow and Glimmer visited her whenever they had the chance, trying to keep her distracted and cheer her up. Having the full best friend squad around was always reassuring and made her believe that things could turn out fine.

So when Saturday came, she still felt like crap, but at least she could breathe.

“Adora, if you don’t want to go tonight, I understand”, Bow said, “But I think it will be good for you to get out of the apartment”.

“Bow, of course I’m gonna go, are you kidding me? Today is not about me and my problems, birthday boy”.

“Aaaaand Starla’s gonna be there, so it might take your mind off things!” Oh, yeah, Adora almost forgot that Glimmer was planning her wedding with someone she didn’t even know.

“Let’s not pressure her, Glimmer”.  _ Thank you, Bow _ .

“No pressure whatsoever, I’m just saying that maybe this week can end a little better than it started”.

Later that evening, Adora found out that Bow and Glimmer were right once again. It was refreshing to get out of the apartment and clear her head. Starla was also a good and unexpected surprise. She was funny and they had a lot in common. They had a few drinks, shared a few laughs, even sang a duet on karaoke… If Adora was smart, she would take Glimmer’s advice and give the girl a proper chance.

But alas, the heart wants what it wants. So when Adora heard Scorpia’s voice and saw her coming through Bow’s door, her brain short circuited. She wanted to get to know Starla, but she also  _ kind of desperately really _ wanted to get near Scorpia and find out if Catra was alright, if she had a problem with her mobile phone operator, if she left the country, if she was in a coma, you know, casual stuff like that. At the same time, she was mad at herself for even caring, for not being able to take Catra out of her mind even when she had her own things to worry about. 

“Hey, is everything OK?” Starla’s voice brought her back to Bow’s living room.

“Oh… Yep, everything’s fine, sorry, I, uh-- Have to get another drink”.

When she got to the kitchen, she took a deep breath and tried to remind herself that Catra was not interested - if she was, she would have texted back. Adora was fixing her drink when her cell phone rang.

She glanced at the screen and froze when she saw Mara’s name. Uh-oh. That couldn’t be good. 

“Hello?”

“Adora… I’m calling you to give you a heads up”. 

Mara sounded exhausted. 

“What happened?” 

“I was just on the phone with Hordak…” A.K.A The Horde Daily’s owner and CEO. “Adora, I’m no longer your editor”.

She felt the panic attack coming. Her arms were tingling, her heart was racing and her breath hitched on her chest. Mara continued.

“From what I gathered, Councilor Prime in person asked him for my head… Well… For both our heads. I’m sorry, Adora, but you’re gonna be next”. 

Adora sat down to keep herself from collapsing to the floor, trying to remember how to breathe.

“But it makes no sense…”  _ Inhale, exhale. _ “Won’t that prove that he’s just trying to cover up his crimes by persecuting us?” 

“It depends on how they spin it. My guess is that they are gonna say that we were fired because they found inconsistencies in our work and accuse us of false reporting. They’re gonna make this about us. Our reputation. It will be our word against theirs”.

“Yeah, but would the paper corroborate that?” 

“If you asked me this last week, I would say no. But right now… I don’t know what to think. I think Hordak’s just trying to cut the papers’s losses and protect his personal interests. Detaching our image from the newspaper is a smart move and it makes him look good in Prime’s eyes”.

“Fuck”.  _ Inhale, exhale. _

“Might is right, my friend”.

“The weakest goes to the wall, right?” Adora scoffed, still incredulous.

“Listen, I’m sure this is going to blow over eventually. This can still help bringing that creep down and it will all be worth it. But for now, that’s the price we’re gonna have to pay”.

Adora felt as if the whole floor was being pulled out from under her feet. All that she had worked for, her one true purpose in life… Gone. She felt powerless. Defeated. And, above all, betrayed.

“I’m so sorry, Mara. It’s my fault I pitched the story. I never thought...”.

“Hey, I was your editor, remember? I knew the risks. I believed in this as much as you. I still do”.

“W-what can I do? Do you, uh, need anything?”

“A drink or two”, She chuckled. “No, I’m gonna be OK. It will just… Get a little worse before getting better, but we’re both gonna survive this”.

“I hope you’re right”. Tears started flowing down Adora’s cheek. 

“Hang in there, OK? It’s been an honor working with you. I hope to have the opportunity of doing it again in the future”.

“T-thank you for everything, Mara”. She was practically sobbing now. “And I-I’m h-here for you if you ever…”

“I know. Thanks. I’m here for you too”.

Adora felt disoriented. When she decided to pursue the story, she was expecting to be slandered and even persecuted. But she didn’t prepare herself to lose the one thing that made her feel stable. She did everything her bosses wanted, followed every single rule, neglected her personal life, sacrificed her mental health… And for what? For having her entire career sacrificed because she did her fucking job too well? 

But she wasn’t about to ruin Bow’s birthday, so she picked herself up and wiped the tears from her face. She would compartmentalize her emotions today and fall apart tomorrow. 

She felt Starla’s hand on her shoulder and tilted her head around to face her.

“Adora... I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Bow told me you’re going through a rough patch”.

“No, I’m just...”.  _ Lost, unsure, without a plan for the first time in my life, hung up on someone who doesn’t feel the same way, on the verge of having a nervous breakdown _ . “It’s just too much. I’m sorry”.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“Not really, but thank you for asking”.

“OK, but can I do something to make it better?” She asked as she held Adora’s hand.

“You’re too kind. Just offering helps, thanks”.

“Then what do you say we go back there and give another try at karaoke? I bet we can beat Glimmer and Bow with that Four Non Blondes song”. The suggestion made Adora smile.

“Sure. Just give me a minute, OK?”

Starla gave her a warm smile and left the kitchen. Adora went back to her drink, pretending that she had not just received the second worst news she had ever received in her life. Then she noticed her phone buzzing on the counter.

And just when she thought this week couldn’t get messier...

> _ [21:01] Catra: hey _
> 
> _ [21:02] Catra: i know i disappeared but i really wanted to see u tonight so… do u wanna come over? _

_ Inhale, exhale _ . 

What the fuck was Adora supposed to do with that?

***

It was 11 in the morning when Catra’s phone woke her up from a very good dream, filled with blissful memories from the night before. She mentally cursed the person who was depriving her of enjoying it and took a few seconds to get her brain into a full working mode. By the time she reached her cellphone on the nightstand, the person had already hung up. She didn’t recognize the number, but noticed it was the same one that had been calling her since last night. Of course, at the time, she was too focused on making Adora come for the third time to give it a second thought, but now she was a little curious. 

Catra threw an old t-shirt on, got up and went to the kitchen to make herself some coffee, picking up her pack of cigarettes on the way.

She filled a kettle with water and turned on the stove’s burner, lighting her cigarette in the flame. She took some time checking her texts, while waiting for the water to boil. 

> _ [07:55] Adora: hey, lemme know if u got home safe! also… i had a great time last night :) _

Why was Catra smiling so much? \Were her mouth muscles malfunctioning? She rolled her eyes at herself and took a drag on her cigarette, while typing an answer.

> _ [11:03] Catra: What were u doing up at 8am on a sunday?? Dont u sleep? _

She went back to the strange missed call and was about to press dial, but her phone vibrated in her hand.

> _ [11:03] Adora: LOL not really! I was working on that story i told u about, it’s due today _
> 
> _ [11:04] Adora: But hey since ur up i wanted to ask you smth _

And then, Catra had to hold that thought, because her phone started ringing again, the same unknown number from before. As curious as Catra was to find out what the blonde wanted to ask, Adora would have to wait, because she was more curious about this call.

“Hello?” Her voice was even raspier than usual, given the fact that she had just woken up. 

“Hello”. A grave male voice spoke, it sounded vaguely familiar. “Are you Catra… Wait--” She overheard the sound of pages being shuffled. “Catra Lima?”

“Yes”. Catra took another drag on her cigarette, increasingly suspicious of the formality. “Who is this?”

“Catra, I don’t know if you remember me. I’m Norwyn, I live next to your mother’s house”.

As much as she didn’t want to, Catra did remember him. Norwyn was one of the very few people in her old neighbourhood that treated her nicely. Not that being nice really mattered in the end - no one was there for Catra when she actually needed it, they had all turned their backs on her when her mother kicked her out nearly ten years ago. 

“Sure, I remember you”. The kettle started whistling and Catra turned the stove off, adding coffee grounds to the filter and then pouring the boiled water over. She watched as the coffee filled her mug.

“You do? OK. I’ve been trying to reach you for some time, but your old number was disconnected, then I managed to track down your roommate -- Scorpia, I think. Well, she was kind enough to give me your new number and...”

Catra cut him off. “And why were you trying to reach me exactly?”

She could hear Norwyn sighing on the other end of the line.

“Look, there’s no easy way to say this, but you deserve to know. I’m afraid I have some bad news”. Catra could feel the words coming before actually listening to them and all of her muscles were tense. “Your mother passed away a few weeks ago”.

It was as if Catra’s blood had turned cold inside her body. Her mother had been dead to her for so long that she never thought about how she would feel when it actually happened. Now she knew and if she had to describe it, she would say that it was probably like being sucked into a black hole, or eating that mushroom from Alice in Wonderland that makes Alice’s body shrink. She felt insignificant, alone, as if she was slowly disappearing from this plane of existence. 

“I’m sorry”.

“What--”, She cleared her throat, struggling with the words. “What happened?” 

“She had a sudden heart attack… I’m so sorry, dear”. His sympathy sounded genuine, but for a moment there, Catra just wanted Norwyn to choke on his kindness. It made her feel even worse. “We’ve all pitched in for the funeral, so it was all taken care of. I don’t want you to worry about anything like that”.

That was probably for the best. If it was up to Catra, her now late mother would have been buried as a destitute citizen, as an indigent. Why should she be held responsible for someone who had willingly given up any responsibility for her? The one person in the world who was supposed to love her, but who instead chose to actively ruin her.

“I know you two weren’t on the best of terms”, That was a  _ wild _ understatement, “But I was very fond of your mother. She will be missed around here”. 

The way he was saying it, it almost sounded like the woman wasn’t the worst excuse for a human being Catra had ever met. 

...Or maybe she wasn’t a monster to everyone. Maybe she was a wonderful person, who gave away to charity, baked pies for her neighbours and babysat lost kittens. Maybe that very special side of her mother was a luxury treatment reserved for Catra only

“If she-- If it happened a few weeks ago… Why… Why am I hearing this just now?”

“It was difficult tracking you down. Your mother-- She didn’t have this number, just your old one”.

The sound of her old phone crashing against the wall came back so vividly. 

“It took us some time, but we found your records at Etheria’s community college and tracked your old roommate’s number”. Catra didn’t respond, too lost in her thoughts. “Well, if you ever want to come and visit her...”

He proceeded to give the directions to the cemetery she was buried at the Crimson Waste, but Catra wasn’t listening anymore. Instead, she was seeing flashes of a long distant past, reliving them all over again. A traumatic chapter of her life that she would prefer to have surgically removed from her brain. Her mother going through her wardrobe, reading her private messages, throwing them at her face. The contempt in her mother’s eyes when she confirmed her suspicions about Catra’s feelings towards other girls, the disappointment, the hate. The words she said... Shame. Atrocity. Disgrace. Abomination.  _ Get out _ .

There was so much screaming, her head stung just by remembering. 

Catra hung up the phone without saying anything else. 

It hurt to acknowledge that her mother didn’t even bother to write her new number down, when Catra tried to reach out to her for the last time, a few years back. They had to find her through her college records! Records that simply would not be there, I might add, if it wasn’t for Scorpia and her family - complete strangers at the time, but strangers who had helped her when her actual family literally threw her out the door. 

She never realistically expected to reconcile with her mother, but deep down she also never stopped hoping. There was even a year in which she secretly sent her mother a birthday card, but when she didn’t get a response she stopped trying to get in touch with her altogether. But her mother’s death took that last strip of hope away from her, and the realization that it was never going to happen made her feel as if she’d been replaced by an empty shell. When she hung up the phone, she didn’t feel her limbs. It was as if she wasn’t even there. 

It lasted for a good whole minute. After that, the pain came.

And pain was something Catra had never learned to deal with.

She had gone a long way since she was an inconsequential and self-destructive 15-year-old. But as it turns out, old habits really do die hard.

The next few days passed like a blur. Catra barely ate anything, but she sure had a lot to drink. The few times she left her apartment was to buy more alcohol, cigarettes and occasionally flirt with random girls. She didn’t tell any of her friends about what happened, not even Scorpia - or maybe especially Scorpia, as she would definitely try to take care of her. In fact, she stopped answering her phone or checking her texts altogether, because she knew her friends would most likely try to prevent her from numbing herself. And drinking, smoking and having sex were her favorite way of burying uncomfortable emotions. Not very original, but hey, it got the job done. She still felt like the worthless piece of shit her mother convinced her that she was, but at least it didn’t hurt. Much.

It was Friday - Or possibly Saturday, Catra couldn’t really tell - when her doorbell rang unexpectedly. Catra’s head was pounding with a terrible migraine, and she didn’t feel like moving herself from the couch. The bell rang again, and when she didn’t answer it, she heard Scorpia’s voice.

“Catra? Catra, I know you’re in there! Open the door!”.

She calculated her options. As much as she didn’t want to deal with Scorpia and her intrusiveness, she wasn’t a complete jerk to ignore her friend. Also, pretending she wasn't there could make things worse. If she knew Scorpia well, not answering could cause her to break down the door.

When she got up from the couch, her apartment went spinning and she unfortunately realized just how drunk she truly was. She practically crawled to the front door, in slow motion, taking a long drag on her cigarette as she opened it.

Scorpia barged in immediately.

“Wildcat! Gee, what happened to you??” Scorpia said, pulling Catra into one of her trademark hugs. For a minute there, Catra thought she was going to throw up. 

“Uh…”

“We’ve been worried sick about you! I’ve been calling you all day! And Lonnie called me, she told me you didn’t show up for your gig yesterday... You don’t do that! Well, you  _ used to pull stuff like that _ , I do have to admit it, but you’re not that person anymore, right? What happened to you?”.

Talking about what happened meant opening that door where Catra’s pain was stored. So she just stared at Scorpia until she came up with something vague enough to say.

“I just didn’t feel like hanging out… Or working”.

“Are you sick? You should lie down! Do you want me to run to the drugstore?” She came closer to feel her temperature and Catra tried to pry her hand away. “Woah! Wait! Are you drunk?” 

_ Yes. _

“Nooo, of course not. I just had a few drinks, it’s no biggie”. 

“Catra…” Scorpia’s tone lowered. “What’s really going on? Did something happen?”

She noticed Scorpia was too well-dressed for a random house visit and saw an opportunity to change the subject.

“Are you, like, going somewhere?”

“I’m meeting Perfuma at her friend’s party tonight… But if you want, I can call her right now and tell her that you need me to stay”. 

“No! You should totally go, it’s OK. I’m fine. I’m handling it”.

“Wildcat… I’m sorry, but you’re clearly not. You look terrible, buddy. Also, have you lost weight? When was the last time you ate?”

Catra made an actual effort to remember, but couldn’t.

“Scorpia, seriously, why can’t you just go…?”

“Does this anything have to do with that girl you were seeing? I’ll kick her ass, just give me a name”.

“No!” Catra yelled insolently, but her expression and her tone softened when she allowed herself to think of Adora for the first time in a few days. “It has nothing to do with her. I just had some bad news, that’s all”.

“OK… Do you want to tell me what happened?”

_ No.  _

“Scorpia… Don’t you have somewhere to be? Somewhere… you know, else?”

“Catra, maybe you’ll feel better just by telling someone”.

“You don’t want to keep your girrrrrl waiting for ya, do ya?”.

“I'm serious, Wildcat, just give me something”.

“It’s not a big deal!” This is precisely what Catra wanted to avoid when she decided to disconnect herself from the outer world. She had a nasty habit of lashing out and taking her anger out on innocent bystanders. Catra knew how mean she could get, how cruel. And Scorpia, of all people, also knew that too well.

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready. I’m gonna leave you alone. But you do know that you can’t just hide and drink yourself to death, right?”. 

“Pffft, why not?” Catra said with a drunken smirk on her face. 

“For one thing, because I would miss you like crazy! And most importantly because… You don’t have to go through the bad stuff on your own. I’m here for you. All of your friends are. Well, not literally, though, since I’m the only one who is here _right_ _now_ , but you know what I mean”.

Catra exhaled, finally accepting Scorpia’s reassuring words. 

“Yeah, I know. I just need some time to deal with it, that’s all”.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to stay? You know I can stay. I can call Perfuma right now and we’ll watch a dumb TV show, no problem!”.

Catra tried to force a smile and it was a little easier than she thought it would be.

“No… Look... I’m gonna be OK, I just need to be alone for a while”. 

“OK, OK, sure, I respect that, but you have to  _ promise _ me you’ll call me if you need anything!” 

“Yeah, I promise”. Scorpia seemed partially satisfied with her response, but of course it wasn’t enough. 

“Also, I’m gonna call you every hour to check on you, and if you don’t pick up... I’ll come back and I’ll knock down this door if I have to. I mean it! So you better answer the phone!”.

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna answer it”. Come to think of it,  _ where _ was her cell phone?

“Alright. I’ll be in Bright Moon, it’s not far, so just give me a call, send me a text or whatever. And also... Please go take a shower, because you’re starting to smell, buddy!”. She hugged Catra once again and turned around to leave. 

“Hey, Scorpia?” Her friend turned around to face her. “Thanks”. 

“Nah, you know I’ve got your back anytime, Wildcat”.

“And I’ve got yours”.

Catra closed the front door and went looking for her phone, as she knew Scorpia meant what she said. She found it in the kitchen, next to the coffee she never got to drink, and of course the battery was dead. 

She put her cell phone to charge and went to the bathroom to take a shower. When she finished it, she realized that she actually felt a little bit better. Having Scorpia over, although it wasn’t intentional, helped her to regain perspective. 

Next on Scorpia’s list of suggestions was getting something to eat. Yeah, she definitely was hungry, it was strange feeling things again. But there wasn’t anything to eat, because of course she didn’t do her groceries that week. She lit yet another cigarette and considered eating the moldy cheese in her fridge, but decided that was too depressive even for her. That was progress.

When her phone turned back on, she ordered a pizza and skimmed through the flood of unread texts and missed calls. There were multiple texts from Scorpia, a few from Lonnie, Entrapta, random clients, two girls she had slept with once and… Shit. Adora. Catra just then realized what it meant not to check her phone for over five days. It meant that she never replied to Adora. Oh, that was not good. Adora must think she’s an asshole, a douchebag, a piece of shit… And she probably was right. 

But wait. Why did she even care what Adora thought of her? She never cared about that before.

And then again, what would she even say to her? They barely knew each other. Opening up about her past wasn’t an option, especially with someone she was just, uh, sleeping with. Perhaps it would be easier just to disappear on her. Perhaps Catra could spare both of them unnecessary pain if she just stayed away.

But as she considered it, that option just felt impossible. No one had ever made Catra feel so good about herself as Adora did, and although she wasn’t ready to admit it, it wasn’t just about the astonishing, life-changing sex. Adora was very easy to be with. Her smile, her laugh, the way her face lit up when she was excited about something stupid made Catra feel warm inside. She couldn’t explain it, but she liked knowing that she lived in a world where Adora existed.

Would it be bad to invite her over, so she could make her feel better? So Adora could make her forget all of those bad memories she was reliving, at least for a little while? Probably. Especially for Catra, as she knew their relationship was becoming more than just a series of random hook-ups for her. This was dangerous territory, a recipe for disaster, a terrible idea, for sure. 

But that was a problem for future Catra. 

For all intents and purposes, they still had their agreement and Catra didn’t really want to overthink it. Plus she was still a little bit drunk, so there was that extra encouragement for making bad decisions.

She went for the blonde’s texts - and there were some, but her brain cells were too far gone to process the English language. There was something about a birthday, Scorpia, Perfuma and whatever, she didn’t really understand. So she just typed and hoped that Adora didn’t hate her guts.

> _ [21:01] Catra: hey _
> 
> _ [21:02] Catra: i know i disappeared but i really wanted to see u tonight so… do u wanna come over? _

No turning back, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooorry! 
> 
> Chapter title credit: Lorde - Sober


	6. Help me get away from myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra both need to get their minds off of recent events, but that might blow up on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little drama just to spice things up.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_You can still turn back_ , Adora thought as she announced herself to the doorman of the building where Catra lived. Going home was an option even when she walked into the elevator and pressed nine. And yeah, she could definitely still change her mind when she arrived at Catra’s floor. But now that she was pressing Catra’s back against the wall, tugging at her clothes while kissing her desperately, that option was pretty much off the table.

Adora was angry, hurt, tired, frustrated - guilty even. On the one hand, she wanted to punch Prime and Hordak right in the face, but on the other she felt like a failure, as if she hadn’t done enough to prevent this shit from happening. So as much as she knew she was probably making a mistake by answering Catra's call, she really didn’t want to overthink it. 

She kind of considered confronting Catra about how she disappeared on her for a week, opening up about her feelings or at least telling everything she was going through. But when Catra opened the door, hot and eager, hands all over Adora’s body, teasing and whispering “let me make it up to you” while nibbling on Adora’s ear, she decided that conversation could wait. Yep, it sure could.

While everything else in her life was spiraling, she was more than willing to give up all control under Catra’s touch, soft at first, fingers carefully wandering through her body. Fire grew inside her as Catra’s tongue found hers, hard and hungry, like she had been waiting for Adora, and only Adora, to make her whole. 

Never before had she felt so wanted, so... Indispensable, as she felt when she was with Catra. If Adora didn’t watch herself, she could get addicted to this sensation, the feeling of being worthy of someone’s full attention. 

She could also get addicted to Catra’s scent, a mixture of cigarette smoke and whiskey combined with shampoo and citrus perfume, which very soon, and Adora knew, would give way to the smell of her arousal. 

They had only been together a few times, but had fucked more than enough times to be able to recognize their reactions and soft spots. Still, every time with Catra was a little like exploring a foreign land and Adora was thrilled to discover exactly what made Catra tick, what made her gasp, what made her moan, what made her scream. 

For instance, she knew that the skin under Catra's chin was a particularly sensitive area, and one could almost hear her purr whenever Adora kissed or stroked it. She knew how Catra liked it when she grabbed her thighs and lifted her legs off the floor, how she couldn’t control her body from squirming whenever Adora sucked on her nipples, how she shut her eyes when she was about to come just to open them wide when she actually did. 

Adora had found out a whole lot about herself, too, and how she liked to be touched. She could go crazy just by thinking of Catra’s hands on her hips, one knee between her thighs, while Catra pushed and pulled her back and forth, setting the pace until Adora collapsed on her arms. The blonde was amazed by how Catra was able to bring out something almost animalistic in her, primal and untamed, not at all tender like she usually was. 

Tonight, she was aching to push her boundaries even further, to relieve all that tension on her shoulders, to pour all of her frustration, all of her guilt into Catra. 

Adora would be too embarassed to admit that she kind of wanted to torture Catra a little - maybe to punish her for leaving her hanging. At the same time, she also wanted Catra to miss her, to long for her when she was gone. So she was taken over by the sudden urge to ravage her, to devour her whole, caring little about the very real possibility of making even a bigger mess out of her emotions when she was done. 

And there went Catra’s back against the wall, with a little more force than Adora expected to use. She checked the brunette’s reaction just to see if she was crossing a line, but Catra’s satisfied smirk was the consent she needed to keep going. Her kisses became rougher, harder, and Catra couldn’t help but growl when Adora licked and sucked her bottom lip. 

They parted briefly so Adora could take off Catra’s Bikini Kill tank top and gaze at her exposed breasts, a sight that sent currents through her body. She was just so beautiful. Perfect, even. But Adora didn’t fail to notice that Catra had lost some weight - not much, but definitely some - and that the height difference between them seemed greater than it actually was. Catra looked smaller, more vulnerable, almost fragile - which was not at all consistent with her usual demeanor. 

But Adora didn’t put much thought into it, for Catra’s tongue was inside her mouth again and everything else became, eh... Foggy. 

Adora bit Catra’s already swollen lip before using one hand to grab her wrists and pin them to the wall, right above her head, with no resistance whatsoever. Again, she checked Catra’s expression for any hint of discomfort, and the hungry look on the other girl’s face gave her permission to proceed. She then nuzzled at Catra’s neck and sucked on it hard, making the brunette moan - a little more loudly this time. The sound made Adora grin devilishly against Catra’s skin, while placing kisses on her collarbone. 

Her mouth started to move down, taking a bite of one nipple before sucking on it, making Catra squirm and shake her arms, trying to break free from Adora’s grip. Adora held them in place, while her free hand played with Catra’s other nipple. She kept that for some time, being purposefully slow, and then her hand started to make its way into Catra’s shorts and underwear. Oh, how pleasing it was to feel Catra so moist, so thirsty for her. 

Catra’s hips immediately bucked forward, grinding against Adora’s finger to increase the friction, but Adora decided it was still too soon to give her what she wanted. Taking charge, Adora removed her hand from Catra’s crotch, pulled her wrists down her back and lifted her torso to come face to face in front of her. 

“Hey, Adora”, Catra said with that familiar smirk, trying to press her body against the blonde’s while Adora held her down. “Are you gonna make me finish by myself?”

The teasing tone was all it took to drive Adora wild, her pleasure already dripping down her thighs. It didn’t take long for Adora to calculate exactly what would push Catra to the edge, making her as crazy as she was. So she slowly lifted her own dress up and started touching herself. She put one knee between Catra’s leg, moved her mouth closer to the other girl’s ear so she could moan softly while her fingers lazily drew circles around her own clit. 

It worked like a charm. 

Catra’s body started convulsing against her, trying to break free from Adora's grip while she cursed all sorts of dirty things in Adora’s ear for not being able to touch her. At the same time, she desperately tried swaying her hips to make contact with Adora’s knee, but of course she wasn’t about to let _that_ happen.

“Why don’t you just let me take care of that for you, Adora?”.

“Not just yet. Be a good girl and you’ll get your turn”, Adora said with a mischievous smile on her face, still not ready to stop torturing her, but loosening the grip on her wrists just in case she felt uncomfortable. To Adora’s utter surprise, Catra stayed put and obediently complied to her command. And because Adora wasn’t actually planning on coming by herself, she kept her touches light and slow, just enough to serve as a nice warm up. 

“Please, just let me fucking touch you”, to hear Catra beg like that, all meek and needy, was more than Adora could ever hope for. “I’m gonna make you come so hard you won’t be able to stand”.

And that was that. Adora was about to burst. But she was hungry for something else right now. So she quickly took her hand out of her panties and pulled Catra's shorts down, perhaps more violently than necessary, because the next thing they heard was the sound of fabric ripping.

“Oops”, Adora said with a cynical smile, watching Catra smirk as she let her shorts slide down her legs, stepping out of that fragile - and now ruined - piece of clothing.

With that problem solved, Adora dove in to kiss Catra one more time, hard enough to make her gasp, while pushing their bodies backwards and taking her to the living room couch. Catra adjusted herself to a seated position as Adora went to her knees, pulling Catra’s panties and placing Catra's thighs on her shoulders. She glanced at Catra one last time before burying her face between her legs, gently licking her folds and teasing her entrance with the tip of her tongue, but soon making her way to that _oh-so-sensitive_ spot, already swollen and throbbing with arousal. 

She took her time, working her tongue diligently and applying a rhythm that soon made Catra’s body squirm and move on its own. When that happened, she pushed two fingers in, while still sucking relentlessly on Catra’s clit, pleasure washing all her thoughts away when she heard Catra _screaming_ her name. She felt the brunette’s thighs go tense and rigid against her neck, almost choking her a little, and that made her thrust her fingers deeper, pumping harder and faster as Catra rode her. 

When it finally came, Adora looked up to watch as Catra’s expression turned into pure bliss - and the vision made her own chest feel full. She rejoiced in Catra’s orgasm, while working her until she became too sensitive for her touch.

“Wow”, Adora couldn’t help but smile. 

“Don’t ruin it”, Catra said with a smirk, before letting herself collapse on the couch. “Fuck”.

Adora pulled herself up, still miraculously clothed, and searched for Catra’s eyes, grinning smugly at her accomplishment. “What’s the matter, did I wear you down? Did I make you come so hard that you can’t stand?”

“On the contrary, you just warmed me up”.

And the look that Catra gave her was all it took to dismantle her completely. 

***

Adora’s mind was free of thoughts, just as she wanted it to be. No Hordak, no Prime, no death threats from Prime’s minions disturbing her now. Her heart, however, was not at peace. Catra’s pull was too strong on her, and there was no use trying to deny it anymore. But when Adora climaxed at Catra's hands, she saw an expression of astonishment on the other girl’s face. And maybe she was just seeing what she wanted to see, but for a moment there she could swear that she wasn't the only one feeling something... _else_.

All worn out, they lied silently next to each other in Catra’s bed as Adora’s eyes wandered around Catra’s bedroom. It looked a little different now, slightly more decorated to Catra’s taste, with some of her amazing pictures hanging on the wall and a _Bacurau_ poster behind the door. There were books on the shelves and even a corny snow globe, which didn’t look like Catra _at all_ \- probably a gift from Scorpia, as far as she could gather. From the bed, Adora tried to figure out some of the books’ titles, squinting to be able to read anything. 

After a while, she gave up on the task and decided she should say something, as she stroked Catra’s hair.

“So, uh... you like to read, huh?” _Oh, yeah, just brilliant, Adora._ The moment the words came out of her mouth she knew it was a very dumb question, even for her. She tried to fix it. “I mean, with all the books and stuff”. She really shouldn’t have.

Catra just looked at her and grinned, so apparently it wasn't _that_ bad. Either that or she was being silently mocked, which, to be fair, was what Adora always expected from the girl beside her.

“Yeah, dumbass, what kind of question was _that_?” OK, now the mocking wasn't so silent anymore.

“Well, you know, just trying to break the silence, I guess”. Adora laughed to hide the fact that she was uncomfortable, feeling the words she actually wanted to say get stuck in her throat. 

And you know what? After all she’d been through the last few days, she felt too exhausted to keep those words from coming out. Adora had just lost the one thing that made her feel balanced, and walking into a heartbreak was really _not_ in any of her future plans. So she had to say it. She had to know.

OK, brace yourself, ‘cause there it went.

“Catra?”

She was definitely gonna say it!

“Yeah?”

Aaany second now.

_But did she really have to?_

“Did you come so hard that it affected your ability to speak, too?” Catra said with a delicious smirk on her face, so delicious that butterflies suddenly swarmed Adora’s stomach. 

She chuckled again, nervously, trying to choose the right way to say it. _But is there a right way to say it, though?_ Let’s discuss that in a 30-minute debate between Adora’s two remaining brain cells.

“Helloooo? Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret”, Catra adjusted herself on the bed to straddle Adora, obviously impatient, but still being playful.

Adora responded with a high-pitched laugh that gave away her anxiety and made it all just feel… Weird. 

And now her silence was making it even weirder.

 _Oh, just fuck it_.

“Heh--Well, yeah, so--haha, you know what, I wanted to talk to you about something”. 

“Shoot”, Catra said bluntly while stroking Adora’s belly, setting it ablaze. Before getting her words out, Adora leaned on her elbows and pulled Catra for a deep, tender kiss. She wanted to savor it, as she knew it would possibly be their last, although she still hoped that Catra’s reaction could surprise her. 

“I know we agreed that this thing between us would be just about sex and that if one of us started having feelings…”

“We would make it a clean break”.

“Yeah. So I was wondering… Do you still feel that way?”

Catra’s hand stopped stroking her and Adora could feel it shaking before she took it away from her abdomen.

“W-What exactly do you mean?”, She finally said, unable to look Adora in the eye.

“I mean… I can only speak for myself. And I know that for me, this is turning into something… Different”.

“Different how?”

“Different in the way that… At some point, sex is not gonna be enough. I think… No, I know. I want more”. There, she said it.

Adora brought her hand to Catra’s chin, tilting it slightly so they could face each other directly. She watched as Catra’s expression shifted, only then noticing she had dark circles under her eyes. Adora started caressing that spot under her chin Catra liked so much, hoping it would take some of the edge off.

“Adora…”.

“I had to tell you that, because to be honest, I feel like I’m walking into fire and that pretty soon… I’m gonna get burned”.

“I’ve been nothing but honest with you from the beginning”, Catra looked a little offended, but mostly sad. “I didn’t fool you, I didn't pretend this was more than it was”.

“I know… It’s not your fault, it’s _mine_. But don’t you… Don’t you want to find out where this could go?”. She felt her cheeks burning up, this was so embarrassing.

“But why ruin what we have? Aren’t we great together?”

“Of course we are, this is -- this is more than great. And that’s just it, I don’t think that taking another step would necessarily ruin anything. I just don’t feel like riding a rollercoaster every week, not knowing if I’m gonna see you, having to deal with your silent treatments and walking on eggshells because I can’t ask you to go out in public with me”. 

Oh, boy. That repressed anger was showing its ugly head and Adora’s tone was becoming a little more aggressive than she wanted it to be.

“I already said I was sorry for not replying to you, geez!” Catra got off Adora and started looking for her clothes. 

“You really didn’t, but that’s so not the point!” 

“And what _is_ your point, then?”

“My point is… I had a shitty week and I want… I need something stable, something that I can understand. Something I can handle”.

“What does that even mean?”

“For one thing, I want to be able to ask you why the _fuck_ did you disappear on me for a week without feeling like I broke some idiotic rule or something”. Adora got off the bed and went back to the living room to find her clothes, as Catra followed her.

“Not everything is about you, _princess_ . I didn’t disappear on _you_. And just so you know, you’re not the only one who had a shitty week, but you’re the one blowing this way out of proportion”.

“Blowing this out of proportion? I just said I wanted more and _you_ turned it into an argument”. Alright, Adora. _Inhale, exhale_. “Look, if there’s something’s going on with you, then I wanna be able to ask you what it is and actually get an answer".

“Adora…”

"I’m not saying I want a relationship, I just wanted… I don't know. To give us a proper chance”. She said while putting her bra back on, feeling stupid for expecting something different from Catra. 

"But your concept of _chance_ is very different than mine". Adora's dress was now back on.

“And why did you call me tonight?” They were standing face to face again.

“What? Isn’t it obvious?”

“It might as well be, but I’m gonna need you to say it anyway”.

“Because I needed to get laid, is that what you want to hear?”.

“That's bullshit. If it was just about the sex, you could easily go out and hook up with anyone else. But no, you called _me_ , and that was _after_ I invited you to go to Bow’s party with me and _after_ you left me hanging. So why?”.

Catra didn’t have an answer for that. Instead, she just snorted.

“Catra, I may be dumb, but I’m not blind. I see the way you look at me. I know I’m not the only one with feelings here”.

“What?! Could you get over yourself?!”.

 _Inhale, exhale._ Adora stepped forward and they were now inches apart.

“OK, then tell me I’m wrong. What is it that you want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want! I just… I can’t give you anymore than this”.

“You see, I don’t think that’s true. I think that tough girl façade is just an act”. She cupped Catra’s face to try to get a more positive reaction from her, but the photographer just shoved Adora’s hand away and they were back at square one.

“Oh, please, don't do that. Don’t pretend that you _know me_ just because we fucked like four times”. Weeeeell, ‘four times’ was downplaying it _a lot_. But that was far beyond the point. “Save that bullshit for the next one, Adora”.

And with that sour note, Adora reminded herself of Glimmer’s words: _it’s not your job to fix her_. She tried to cool herself down and lowered her voice, suddenly aware that this wasn’t fair to either of them.

“OK”. Adora felt so tired. “I’m sorry. I understand. It’s not your nature and I guess I can respect that”.

At those words, Catra became unarmed, less defensive, waiting for Adora to say something else.

“But I have to respect _my_ nature too”. Catra glanced at her, knowing what she meant by that. “I’ve been putting my personal needs in the back row for too long. And right now, I can't keep doing that”.

Catra looked away and went searching for her cigarette, but Adora thought she saw a distinctive spark in her eyes. _Could Catra be crying?_

Well, whatever it was, when she turned to face Adora again, it was already gone. She came back from the kitchen blowing a puff of smoke into the air, a glass of whiskey in her hand. 

“So that’s it, then?” Catra was doing a bad job at hiding her disappointment.

“I guess so”.

“Well, there’s the door, feel free to use it”.

That was uncalled for. "You’re clearly taking this very well for someone who claims she has no feelings for me”. Adora was still hurting, so she couldn’t help her mean tone.

Catra looked at her like she wanted to say something, but took a long drag on her cigarette instead.

“I think it’s best for both of us if you just go”.

“Agreed. Goodbye, Catra”.

It took all of Adora's strength to walk away from Catra's place, but when she did, she felt that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. At least, now she knew. She would obsess about it later. 

When she got home, she took a shower to clear her head - which was kind of funny, because after all she went to Catra’s aiming to do just _that_ \- trying to organize her thoughts and put the recent events into perspective. 

She tried to grasp how she let herself get to that point, like she didn’t know any better. It was all her fault, really. 

But in the end, Adora was just human. She couldn’t deal with everything at once - getting trashed on social media, losing her job _and_ falling for someone who didn't feel the same way -, otherwise she would burn out.

Blocking Catra’s number was hard, but it gave her a little peace of mind, even though Adora knew that Catra would probably never try to reach her anyway - _but then again maybe she would, who could tell?_

Ugh, get over it, you obsessive idiot.

Head on her pillow, she turned the TV on for a _Teenage Bounty Hunters_ episode, hoping that sleep would miraculously come to her.

Tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow, she would come up with a suitable plan to put her life back together in one piece.

For now, she just had to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff's coming back next chapter, y'all, I promise.
> 
> And oh, if you're counting, this was the fourth time. So that means we're getting closer to a conclusion.
> 
> Am I ready for that? We'll see.
> 
> Chapter title from Nine Inch Nails - Closer


	7. So once more around the track, another lap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all :) So I wrote a bunch for this next chapter before realizing it was already too long. So, I decided to split the chapter in two parts, because I was kind of antsy to post it already. 
> 
> Also, I'm so thankful to everyone that's posting comments, it's amazing :)
> 
> Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Hope you enjoy.

“Of course I’m not going to _forget_ , it _is_ your birthday!” Scorpia sounded so loud over the phone it made Catra’s ear hurt a little.

Catra covered her camera lenses and started putting them in her bag, while pressing her head on her shoulder to speak to Scorpia.

“That’s not really a good incentive for me to throw a party in my ridiculously small apartment”.

“Oh, we can have it in my place! It’s bigger and you don’t have to clean it afterwards”. 

“Scorpia, I’d rather not… You know how I feel about birthdays. And plus, everything’s still so -- Ugh, I don’t really feel like there’s anything to celebrate”.

Catra didn’t like her birthday because, as you already may have guessed, she wasn’t a big fan of the birthday girl. This year, with her mother’s passing, her feelings were still turbulent. A party was the last thing she wanted right now.

“All the more reason why you definitely should! You deserve to have a good time! And okay, if you don’t want to make it about your birthday, then --Ooooh! How about a Halloween party, with costumes and all?”

Eesh, that was even worse. 

“Scorpia!” Catra yelled at first, but immediately inhaled and tried to control her temper. “I’ll think about it, OK?”

“Hooray!”

“That doesn’t mean I said yes!”

“...Oookay…” The disappointed tone made Catra smile with fondness - she knew Scorpia so well. She finished packing her photography equipment and placed the backpack on her shoulders, balancing herself with the extra weight on her back. “Hey, are you done?”

“Yeah, I just finished packing up, I’m leaving the park”.

The Whispering Woods was Etheria’s largest urban park - although there were not too many wooded areas in the city anymore. Because of that, it was also one of the top favorite locations for pre-wedding photos. In general, Catra didn’t like that sort of job, but it paid really well, so she couldn’t say no. Also, the couple of girls that had hired her that day were sweet and Catra didn’t even have to pretend to be happy for them like she usually did. She was genuinely happy.

Catra passed the gardens, then the lake, and made her way to the park’s exit, dodging bicycles on the cycle lane while still listening to Scorpia on the other end of the line. It was kind of a long walk and, because of the weight on her back, her breath became ragged pretty quickly. She should really start exercising. 

“Do you want me to pick you up? I can spare a few minutes before going to the hospital”.

“No, I think I’m gonna get myself some coffee around here somewhere before I go home”.

“Are you taking the subway then?”

“I guess so”. A bunch of kids ran right past Catra on their way to the park’s lake.

“You’re nearby, if you want you can come to my place, I’ll leave your old key under the doormat”.

“Nah, there’s no need. I have to get home to edit the photos anyway, but thank you”. She was nearly at the gate when some guy walking his dog bumped into her, making her lose her balance and almost fall. “Hey!”

“Sorry!”, the guy said, passing her by.

She turned her head to yell at him. “Watch it, pal!” 

“Are you talking to me? What was that?”

“Sorry, Scorpia, go ahead”, Catra said, turning her head back to continue her path. “Some idiot jus--”

And then time froze.

Of course she remembered that Adora lived in the Whispering Woods surroundings, because how could she not? But it never crossed her mind that she could be anywhere near the park on a weekday, so early in the morning. In fact, she didn’t even consider the possibility, because, really, what were the odds? 

“Uh… I’m gonna have to call you back”.

“What?! Wildca--”

The odds didn’t matter apparently, because Adora was standing right there anyway, staring at Catra, talking on her cellphone on the sidewalk right outside the park. 

How long had it been? Two months, already? For Catra, it still felt like yesterday. 

Adora leaving her was the icing on the cake on an already very upsetting week, but in the end it helped Catra wake up and smell the freaking coffee. For the first time in a decade, she allowed herself to cry - and she had no idea of how much she needed that. Once the dam broke, the flood was too overwhelming to refrain. She cried about everything she didn’t cry about since she was 15. She cried about her mother, about how she would never be able to see her or reconcile with her. 

She cried because deep down she knew that by isolating herself, she was risking everything that made her life bearable: her work, her friends... And the chance to feel something different, something new. 

Something remarkable, but also terrifying. 

What if it was too good to be true? But then again, and that option scared her the most... What if it wasn’t?

Ultimately it was fear that made Catra feel like a human being again. The fear of never being able to find out what would have happened if she had not turned Adora down. Because that fragile, not-so-insignificant spark of a feeling, as terrifying as it was, was real. And she had kicked it out of her apartment. 

Not only did she deprive herself of being with someone that she cared about, Catra also treated an excellent person in a way that she absolutely did not deserve. Yeah, well done, Catra. _What a magnificent, giant screw up mess you are_. It was funny, because, if that night had happened a few years ago, she would probably try to pin it on Adora, blaming her for getting too attached too soon. Acknowledging her own responsibility in the matter reminded her that she was not an angry teenager anymore - so she might as well stop acting as one.

When she found out Adora had been fired and was being persecuted for exposing some religious leader’s crimes, Catra felt like an even bigger asshole. No wonder Adora had a shitty week and needed something stable. _Bravo, you dipshit, fucking bra-vo_. 

Well, obviously she still had a lot of work to do in the self-esteem department, but at least she was done with her downward spiral. Scorpia was right, hiding from the world would not make her problems go away. In fact, as has been proven, it only made things worse. So she started pulling herself up, making an effort to be functional again, at the very least. 

Scorpia was the only person Catra had trusted to tell everything that happened during that terrible week. Even the Adora parts - although she strategically chose to leave her name out. Her friend had helped her through the thick of it, loyal as ever. There was still a long way to go, a lot of healing to be made, but Catra was willing to go through all of it. She was actually considering therapy for the first time in her life - which, I think you'll agree, was long overdue.

In the meanwhile, Catra became a tiny bit obsessed with keeping track of Adora’s wellbeing - you know, just to see if she was okay. Some people may call it stalking, but Catra would prefer to call it concerning from a respectful distance. 

She would dream about Adora constantly, in all sorts of settings and situations. She’d gotten so used to it, that when it didn’t happen she actually missed it. 

The first time she read Adora’s story about the girls abused by Minister Prime, it brought tears to her eyes - because crying was a thing she did now. After that, Catra had read it over and over, so many times that she could probably remember all the words by heart. I mean, the girl was a dork, but Catra had to admit that she was a very skilled and talented writer. 

When Adora posted a statement to defend herself and tell her version of the facts, the controversy became heated again. As a result, she closed all of her social media profiles, drying out Catra’s main source of information. So she redirected her energy into a new hobby: trying to gather every single bit of information as possible about Hordak, that creep media mogul who threw Adora to the lions and made her look like a liar. She even asked Entrapta, ever the computer whiz, to help her in that department. 

Seven weeks after they last saw each other, Catra was doing a lot better - but there was not a single day when she did not kick herself for how it ended between them.

And now, it seemed as if the universe was presenting her with an opportunity to make things right. 

Would she take it?

I’m not gonna lie, Catra considered the option of running away in pure terror, but Adora _was_ staring straight at her, so this minor inconvenience was the incentive she needed to try and talk to her. But if anyone asked, let’s just say that she decided to be brave and face her problems upfront.

She made her way to the sidewalk and saw that Adora was standing next to a hideous purple Beetle with a flat tire and a vanity plate that said “QUEEN G”. As she approached her, it became clear that Adora had no clue what to do with said tire and somehow was trying to solve her problem over the phone. But when she saw Catra coming, she got antsy and hung up.

Adora was very well-dressed, wearing a red blazer that fit her waist perfectly and brought out all of the beautiful curves in her body. Okay, Catra, just behave _\- and absolutely don’t think about how delicious those curves feel under your fingers._

“Hey, Adora. Do you need a hand there?”. Catra didn’t mean to sound provocative at all, but it was as if she couldn’t help it. Like a natural defense. 

“Uh… Hi”. Adora gazed at her suspiciously. “No, I-uh-I’m working on it, thanks”.

Catra chuckled at her, mockingly.

“Are you planning on changing that tire telekinetically?” Again, she didn’t mean to taunt. “I didn’t know you had special powers”.

Adora’s face became as red as her blazer.

“What I meant was... I’m calling for help”.

“Uh… I can help if you want”.

It seemed like the last thing Adora wanted, actually. So much that Catra started wondering if she did the right thing by approaching her.

“You, uh -- You really don’t have to”, The blonde said, glancing at her cell phone. “Oh, crap”.

“What is it?” 

“N-nothing, it’s just that I’m gonna be so late”. Adora was clearly flustered by the whole interaction. 

“You know, it will only take a minute”. Then Adora stared right into her eyes, with a mix of fear, uncertainty and something that Catra couldn’t put her finger on. “You don’t even have to talk to me”.

“Wha--That’s not… I just wanted to save you the trouble”. She seemed reluctant, but also desperate. “But I’m in no position to refuse, because I have no idea what to do with this. So would you?”.

“Of course”. Catra smiled in relief, removing the backpack from her shoulders while deciding where she could place it.

“Here, let me take care of that for you”, Adora said, their fingers brushing lightly as she reached out for the bag. The unexpected contact made them both stiff and blush in less than one second.

Adora placed Catra’s bag inside the car as Catra took the spare and the jack kit from the rear cargo compartment.

“So is this your car?” Catra asked, positioning the jack under the Beetle.

“No, I borrowed it from Glimmer”. The color and the license plate made more sense now. 

“Oh. Nice”. She got down on her knees to loosen the wheel bolts, but it proved to be a more difficult task than she imagined, as she wasn’t strong enough. “Hey, I’m gonna need your muscles here”.

“Sure”.

Adora clumsily took her blazer off and squatted next to Catra, close enough to be distracting. _Very_ distracting. 

“Uh…” Catra could smell Adora’s perfume. “Here, turn this wrench counterclockwise”. If Adora noticed her nervousness, she made no mention of it. She did as Catra asked, loosening all four nuts without hardly breaking a sweat. Catra felt her cheeks on fire, trying so hard to repress the memory of Adora’s arms around her, stroking her back while pushing her tongue inside Catra’s mouth... “T-thanks, I got it from here”.

“Are you kidding? I’m the one who should be thanking you, you’re practically saving my life”.

“Nah, don’t mention it, princess”. The word dropped like an anvil, as a stinging reminder of the intimacy they briefly had and lost. Catra shut her eyes for a moment before jacking up the car.

“What about you, what are you doing here anyway?”

“I was taking some pictures for a pre-wedding album”. The flat tire was out.

“Oh, riiiight”. And then Catra thought she heard Adora giggling.

“What?” She lifted her head to look at Adora. Yep, she was definitely giggling. It was annoying. And adorable.

“Nothing”.

“Not fair, I’m doing the heavy work here”.

“It’s just a little ironic that you, of all people, are a wedding photographer”.

Catra chuckled.

“That’s not what irony means, but yeah, I see your point”. 

Adora opened a big, dopey grin that made Catra’s insides feel glowy. “Excuse me, language police officer, am I under arrest?”.

“Nah, since it’s a first offense, I’m gonna let that one slide”.

They both laughed and, for a brief moment there, Catra forgot about their arguement. Not for long, though.

“Catra…”

“Yeah?” The spare tire was now in place.

“Why are you being nice to me?”

The question made Catra pause for a second before giving an answer. From her point of view, Adora was the one who had a reason to be mad, not the other way around.

“So you see that I’m not always a jerk”.

“Okay, but why?”

Catra shrugged.

“I guess... I owe you that much”.

That was the closest to an apology that Catra was able to get right now. Adora didn’t seem fully satisfied with the response, but she didn’t ask anything further. 

“There, you’re good to go” 

“Really?” She was so happy, Catra’s chest felt full. 

“Though you’re gonna have to stop at a gas station to fill the spare”.

“I can’t thank you enough!”.

“I’m glad I could help”. Catra got up from her knees and they stood there, dangerously too close to one another, gravity pulling them even closer. “Uh… Can I get my bag back?”

“Oh! Oh, yeah, sure”. 

She turned her back to open the car’s door and paused. Catra could smell her hesitation before she turned to look at her again.

“Hey, where are you going now?”

“I was gonna grab some coffee and then take the subway home”.

“I’m on my way to Bright Moon, I can drop you off if you want. But we would have to go now”.

A ride would be nice.

“Uuuuuh…”

“Come on, it’s the least I can do”.

Hanging out with Adora would be even nicer.

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t be offering if I wasn’t”.

“...Okay”.

_Probably a bad idea, though._

***

They sat in silence. Adora fiddled with the radio while Catra pressed herself against her seat, in complete panic. She was so rigid, so focused on not moving that for a few seconds she even stopped breathing. 

Adora settled the radio on a song she liked, humming and tapping the steering wheel with her fingers. As she was very transparent, Catra could tell that she was nervous too.

“So is it a work related appointment?”

“Mmmm?” It seemed as if Adora had come back from a daydream.

“You, going to Bright Moon”.

“Oh! Yes. Angella -- Glimmer’s mom -- hired me temporarily to head the hospital’s Communications Department. Did I tell you I left the paper?”

“You didn’t… But I heard about it, yeah”. 

“Okay, so, uh, corporate communication is not really my thing but I’m really grateful for the opportunity”.

“That’s nice, I guess. They booked me for their anniversary next month”.

Adora was still facing forward, but Catra could see her eyeball moving to the side to glance at her. 

“We’ll probably see each other there, then”.

A brief moment of awkward silence, except for the upbeat music playing. 

“So, how come you are butch enough to break some guy’s nose but you can’t change a tire to save your life?”

That softened Adora’s mood. Catra was rewarded with her beautiful, entrancing laugh, and realized that she had missed it. _A lot_ , actually.

“I rarely drive, so I never really bothered”.

“That’s a lame excuse. I never drive and here we are”. 

“Well, no one taught me then”.

“There’s this thing called the internet, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it”.

Adora scoffed.

“Why, thank you for letting me know! I thought about that, obviously, but I couldn’t risk messing up my clothes with oil, genius”.

“Yeah, not a very good look on a princess”. _There it was again_ , but Adora didn’t seem to mind. As a matter of fact, she seemed to enjoy it. 

“Not during working hours, anyway”.

The rest of the ride passed so smoothly, it almost felt that the tension between them was gone. It was… Nice. “Do you still play on the beach?” “Why don’t you exhibit your work?” “Are you watching anything new on Netflix?” "What books are you reading? I remeber you like to read". They talked and bantered all the way to Mystacor, about all sorts of subjects. 

Adora parked in front of Catra’s building to drop her off. Catra was about to say goodbye when she realized that she didn’t really want to. 

She looked at Adora and suddenly it took her all her strength to fight the urge to touch her, kiss her, maybe even rip that blazer while pulling it off. But that would ruin the progress they had made. ...So another potentially bad idea crossed her mind.

“Hey… You know… My birthday’s coming up”. Adora examined her face quizzically, probably wondering where this was going. “Some friends are coming over to Scorpia’s place to celebrate. Why don’t you come?”

Adora’s face went pale as this was clearly an unexpected turn of events.

“Catra…”

“Listen, I was in a really bad place the last time we met, I’m not proud of how I treated you. And I totally understand if you’re mad. But it would mean a lot to me if you came”.

Adora looked away, probably so Catra wouldn’t notice that she was now blushing. 

“Uh…" Her fingers were tight on the steering wheel. "I’m seeing someone”. The words barely came out of Adora’s mouth, as if she didn’t really believe them.

It felt like Catra had volunteered to the ice bucket challenge. But then again, Adora being with someone else wasn't a surprise at all.

“I know”. Whoops, _that_ slipped out of nowhere. “But I didn’t mean it like _that_ , if that’s what you’re wondering”. 

“Oh. Wait, what do you mean, you know?”

Let’s just say that Catra’s _concerning from a respectful distance_ may have extended to checking Adora’s friends Instagram accounts from time to time and eventually catching photos of their stupid hanging out sessions and double dates. 

Yeah, Catra wasn’t particularly proud of that either.

“We have friends in common, you know? Perfuma mentioned it a few weeks ago”. That wasn’t a lie. Perfuma also said that the girl’s name was Starla and that she had a _really positive energy_ , which made Catra roll her eyes. “She’s too vanilla for you, if you ask me”.

Adora bit her lip to refrain a smile, shaking her head.

“Please, don’t do that”. Shit. Now everything’s gonna be weird again.

“Hey, I’m not judging, whatever turns you on, right?”. 

And then, Adora shot her an intense, sharp look. A look that Catra knew too well. It made her feel exposed, like a prey about to be snapped. Oh. Catra’s dreams about Adora were _nothing_ compared to this. The look lingered for a second before Adora licked her lips and looked straight forward, breaking eye contact. 

Catra cleared her throat.

“Well, it’s gonna be this Saturday, around 8 pm, if you want to drop by. If you don't know where Scorpia lives, just ask Perfuma. And bring girlfriend”. Oooooor, even better, _don’t_. 

Adora looked at her in confusion.

“Really?”

“Sure! I would love to meet her”, Catra said, wearing her best poker face, because of course it was a flat out lie, I don’t have to tell you that.

“I’ll think about it”, she said, a little more relaxed.

“Thanks for the ride, I really appreciate it”.

“Thanks for helping me out”.

They both smiled to each other.

“No problem”. Catra said, getting out of the vehicle with her bag in hand.

“Oh and Catra?”

“Yeah?”

“I love the haircut”.

Catra stood on the sidewalk rubbing her own neck in embarrassment, suddenly too aware of all her body parts. The short pixie hair had been the third act of a very cliche plotline, where Catra felt that something needed to change after her mourning period was over.

She closed the car’s door and watched as Adora drove away.

Then she got her cell phone to text Scorpia. There were tons of unread messages from her friend, but she could read them more carefully later.

_[10:56] Catra: Hey sorry for hanging up, i ran into someone… i’ll tell you all about it later, promise_

_[10:56] Catra: And about the party… let’s do it._

_[10:57] Saturday, 8pm, your place?_

_[10:57] Scorpia: YES! OF COURSE!! I REINSTATE MY HOORAY!!!_

Catra felt a rush of adrenaline flowing through her body.

She definitely needed a cold shower now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title credit: Aimee Mann - Simple Fix
> 
> There you go! See you next chapter :)


	8. I can't turn off what turns me on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora tries to process her last encounter with Catra, relying on the help of the best friend squad.
> 
> Meanwhile, unexpected news are on her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I have good news and bad news.  
> The bad one: we don't get to Catra's party in this chapter.  
> The good one: I've already written another chapter from Adora's POV (in the actual party) and since I'm not a total bitch, I'm gonna post it some time during the weekend, after a few more tweaks.
> 
> I was really undecided if I should just put everything into a single chapter, and I actually considered it, but the pacing felt off as it was too much information for just one chapter. So I decided breaking it into two smaller chapters, both from Adora's POV, breaking my own rule (of alternating between them).
> 
> So, that means you're gonna have to wait just a couple more days for the party itself, ok? I promise that I'm not gonna wait for Catra's actual birthdate to post it!
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

Shower sounds, soft music playing. The unmistakable scent of cigarettes, perfume and whiskey. Forbidden touches, kisses, so much urgency. Adora being pinned against the bathroom wall. She and Catra swaying their hips together on the dance floor. 

That smirk. That infuriating smirk.

“You’re so wet, Adora. Isn’t  _ she  _ getting you off?” 

The hoarse voice that could make Adora go wild. A tingling sensation between her legs. So much want. 

Catra refusing her advances.

“Uh, uh, uh, princess. Not until you admit that you want me”.

Adora’s back against the bed, Catra on top of her. Her pleasure growing, demanding to be released. 

“I  _ can’t _ want you”, yet another muffled moan.

Their bodies in perfect synch. 

“But you do, don’t you?”

“Yes”, Adora's eyes shut, her voice braking.

“And why can’t you?”

“Because wanting you..." A groan of pleasure. "Hurts”. 

Wet noises with each thrust. 

“Nonsense. It only hurts if you try to repress it, gorgeous”. 

That off-putting praise. Catra never complimented her like that out loud.

The realization that this wasn’t real. 

“Wanting you means I’ll probably get someone else hurt”. A twinge of guilt. The thought of getting herself hurt didn’t bother Adora as much as the idea of her being responsible for somebody else’s pain.

“You don’t know that. And even if you did… How is burying your feelings fair to  _ you _ ? Or anyone, for that matter”.

A soft smile. “Stop being insightful, it doesn’t suit you”. 

Catra’s laugh, so beautiful that Adora could see its colors. Yellow and pink waves, a mist taking over her bedroom. 

“I’m just giving you what you want. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting”. 

“Then why do I feel so bad?”. 

“Because you, my princess, are a good person. Maybe too good for this world”. 

Soft kisses in her jawline. Tenderness, comfort. The stinging reminder that they never got to have moments like that during their brief, yet intense, non-relationship. 

“Why did you invite me to your birthday party?”.

“Who knows... Maybe I’m just messing with your head. Maybe I miss you”. The infallible pressure of Catra’s fingers against Adora’s sensitive spot. “There’s only one way to find out”. 

“I guess so”. 

Heterochromatic eyes lighting up the room. 

“Now, enough talking. Let me take care of you”. 

“Yes, please”.

Adora opened her eyes, still moaning before acknowleding that she was fully awake. Beneath her, a pathetic puddle of her body fluids. But whatever happened to her during the night, it hadn’t been enough: her body was still tense and excited, in desperate need of a proper release. 

Ugh.

Her brain was so vigilant it couldn’t allow her to enjoy a fucking dream. 

And now, Adora’s whole day was probably ruined. In fact, scratch that, her whole  _ week  _ had already been destroyed since Catra made her last accidental appearance. The dream was just the annoying aftermath.

For the past two months - 52 days actually, not that she was counting - Adora did everything she could to push Catra into a hermetic metal box carefully hidden in the forgotten depths of her mind. And since compartmentalizing was one of her best skills, she was indeed successful and was actually very proud of herself for her accomplishments in that matter. It had been weeks since she last thought of Catra, she was being productive at work again and she was also dating someone new - someone who was emotionally available and capable of offering what Catra could not.

Admittedly, it wasn’t really serious between her and Starla yet. They had only been going out for a little more than a month and had slept together a handful of times, no important landmarks or fuzzy feelings so far. But Adora was convinced that if she just gave it some time, emotions would eventually emerge. That struck-by-lightning sensation she had with Catra was an exception, an anomaly. She had lived without it before, she could live without it again.

Right?

But the problem was she never really thought about how she would feel if she ever saw Catra again. 

And, oh, she really didn’t prepare for that. 

Because seeing her felt as if that metal box had never been closed. As if those feelings, which she assumed were dead, were in fact very much alive.

Fifteen minutes into the conversation, she was already giggling, laughing at Catra’s jokes and offering her a ride home. Half an hour later, they were talking about life, TV shows and volleyball, as if they still were whatever the hell they used to be.  Well, at least Adora wasn't a total moron, as she definitely didn’t wonder about how it would feel to run her fingers through Catra’s hair, especially now that it was short - _ why would you think that? _ And nope, she certainly didn’t get shivers down her spine everytime Catra smiled at her or called her “princess”. 

On top of that, Catra invited Adora to her birthday and that was a conundrum Adora couldn’t solve. It was really bugging her, because as much as she thought about it, she couldn't find any logical answer. Catra had repeatedly told Adora she wasn’t interested in long-term relationships - or short-term ones, for that matter - and basically kicked her out of the apartment when she tried to talk her into something more. 

So  _ why  _ would you invite the person who started developing feelings for you if you  _ don’t want _ her?

Was Catra a bad person? Had Adora read her entirely wrong? Granted, Adora  _ was _ known for being a little clueless, but something in that theory felt off. 

Since they met, Catra had never tried to fool her, not once - quite the opposite, she had always been blunt about her intentions with Adora being purely physical. Anything that pretty much resembled a relationship was off-limits, even though they always ended up talking for hours, in-between and after their sexual activities. But going out together, in public, was something that Catra would freak out about, for sure.

Now she was inviting Adora, of all people, to hang out with her closest friends? 

Maybe it was a guilt thing, because she treated Adora so badly, but Catra didn’t seem the type of person who would do such a thing. And Adora knew the probability of Catra being interested in anything other than sex was pretty slim.  Especially because she herself said that she wasn’t thinking about Adora  _ like that _ and that it was okay if she wanted to bring Starla along. 

Maybe she wanted them to be friends? That sounded like a stretch, but also like the only reasonable explanation, as Adora was someone who took everyone and everything at face value. But she was still curious and intrigued... She needed to know.

She didn’t want to involve Bow and Glimmer into this decision, especially because they had their fair share of listening to Adora’s rambling about Catra. But that dream - that  _ fucking  _ dream - reawakened something inside of her and she couldn't put it into rest. So, she ultimately invited them to her place after work.

When they arrived, their first twenty minutes together were all dedicated to listening to Bow's complaints about how his dads’ 30th anniversary was being the cause of a major headache, since he got stuck with the mission of planning the party with the help of no one other than Glimmer's aunt Casta - who was a wonderful person, but a little too intense to deal with while sober. 

Throughout his whole rant, Glimmer just laughed lovingly, kissing and occasionally praising him for enduring such a nightmare.

“Who is the most perfect man alive and why is he my boyfriend?”

Then they briefly gossiped about how Mermista had broken up with Seahawk,  _ again,  _ and placed their bets on how long it would take before they were reconciled. When the topic moved to “what should Glimmer do for her birthday this year”, Adora started to get antsy, trying to find a way to casually bring up the subject that was on her mind. 

“So, speaking of Glimmer’s birthday… I ran into Catra the other day”. 

Maybe that wasn’t casual after all, because Glimmer and Bow immediately went quiet and traded one of their looks. 

For the next forty minutes or so, Adora somewhat managed to tell the whole story, despite all the interruptions from Bow and Glimmer’s - well, mostly Glimmer. Considering how easily Adora could get distracted, forty minutes was quite the achievement. By the end of it, she felt like she had just run a marathon.

_ “I knew there was a reason why we’re here and Starla isn’t!” _

_ “Ooooh, so that’s why you freaked out and hung up on me that day!” _

_ “You knew about the flat tire and didn’t tell me? I take it back, you’re not the most perfect man alive, you’re just... Average”.  _

_ “Suuuure, you couldn’t say thank you to trouble, you had to invite trouble into your, nay, my vehicle”.  _

_ “You can’t really believe that she just wants to be friends, can you?” _

_ "Hello? Drooling much?" _

But Glimmer and Bow’s interruptions were a minor setback compared to Adora’s own digressions. Because, as you may have guessed, she went into full rambling mode when the subject was Catra. She lost almost ten minutes babbling about mixed signals, what present she should get for Catra's birthday, how much she laughed when Catra said she wasn't butch enough to change a tire, how cool was that one of Catra's photos was selected for an exhibition, and the infinite list goes on. 

But eventually, she came through.

“You’re not thinking about actually  _ going _ , are you?” And if you read this in Glimmer’s voice, you’re a hundred percent right.

“Why not? It’s a group hang, at a neutral place, I can take Starla with me, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Oh, Adora, silly, oblivious Adora… You seriously didn’t just say that”. 

“Why, what do you mean?”

“The party is a trap!”

“A trap for what?”

“A trap for sex! She’s obviously trying to lure you in with that sweet talk and gorgeous new haircut so you can fall head over heels with your face between her legs again”.

Adora laughed out loud.

“Riiiiiiiight, because she totally looks like an evil mastermind”.

“You know that a person doesn’t have to  _ look  _ evil to  _ be _ evil, right?”. 

“But that’s ridiculous, Glimmer, why would she even care? We haven’t talked in forever”.

“Because _you’re with someone else_ , did you think of that?” As a matter of fact, Adora did not. “My guess is that her pride is wounded and she just wants to scare the competition”.

“Hold on, hold on”, Bow interjected. “Adora, how much does Starla know about Catra?”

“Pretty much everything. We were hooking up, I started having feelings, she didn’t want to date me, I felt bad, the end”.

“And what exactly is your relationship status now?”

“I... Like Starla". That pause was probably just a tad longer than it should've been. "Hanging out with her is great, she’s caring and supportive…We didn’t have  _ the talk _ , if that’s what you're asking, so we’re not exclusive. But then again we haven’t dated anyone else since we started going out. Well, that I know of. Do you think it’s presumptuous to assume that she didn’t date anyone just because I--”.

“Adora…”

“Sorry, I’ll--I’ll just shut up”.

“Listen, I like Starla a lot. And to be honest, I really thought you two would be a perfect match. But I was watching you talk about this Catra girl and... Frankly, I’ve never seen you talk about Starla, or anyone, with so much energy, so much spark in your eyes”.

“Wha-pffff! There is no spark!!” And then she heard herself. “Is there?” 

“Adora, please, it's adorable that you still try to deny it, but just _stop_ ”.

“I’m just pointing out that this thing with Catra can be more serious than you want to admit”.

“So what are you saying, that I should break up with Starla?” 

“I don’t know what you should do… But you should at least consider that maybe dating someone else won’t do it. Ignoring those feelings you have for Catra may have worked at first, but eventually they’re going to blow up in your face. I think you have to go through whatever it is that you feel for her before moving on”.

“That’s terrible advice, Bow! You’re telling her to break up with a good person because of a stupid  _ crush _ ?”

“But the spark!!” Bow’s voice cracked for dramatic effect. “You can’t ignore the spark!”

“Adora was doing fine before she saw this woman, she doesn’t need another excuse to get herself hurt again”.

“Yeah, but what if you’re wrong? What if she just wants to make things right and give it another try?”

“Even if you were right, and I sincerely doubt it, would it be worth the risk of ruining something potentially good?”

“We took the risk of ruining _our_ friendship to be together, so yes, I am  _ sure  _ that it is worth it”.

“Awwwww, I love you so much!" She pressed her lips against his. "But you're still wrong about this”.

“Okay! Time out!” Adora yelled in exhaustion, her eye twitching, a vein popping from her forehead. She took a deep breath to organize her thoughts before speaking. “Glimmer, I think I  _ have  _ to know what this all means, otherwise it’s gonna drive me crazy and I’m gonna mess things up with Starla anyway”.

Bow smiled in triumph.

“But Bow… Okay, it’s not all butterflies in my stomach with Starla, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just because I’m not falling in love with her _today_ , it doesn’t mean that I won’t”. Glimmer playfully stuck her tongue out to her boyfriend. “And I know that I can’t have it both ways, I know that I’m probably being selfish, but… I think that breaking up with her would be impulsive”.

“Hey, I don’t think you’re being selfish. Okay, maybe you are trying to protect yourself, but you’re not misleading anyone. You’re not in a committed relationship, you made sure Starla knew about your history with Catra and the three of you are grown ups. Sure, it’s not ideal, it may get messy, but you’re only human, so don’t beat yourself up over this, okay?”. The reassuring tone in Glimmer’s voice was all Adora needed to hear. “I’m just worried that you might get  _ yourself  _ hurt”. 

"And just... Try to be responsible, you know? Talk about some of this stuff with Starla before doing anything. She has the right to know where she's getting herself into".

“I know. I'll try to be careful. Thank you, I love you guys so much”. Adora could finally relax, body and mind completely free of tension, at least for the time being. "So, do you guys want to watch something?" Adora's phone went off and she recognized the special ringtone. This was important. “Hold on, let me check this”.

> _ [20:03] DT: are you watching the news? _

Adora hurriedly got up to find the TV’s remote, feeling her heart rate pick up. It had been a while since they had exchanged messages, so it definitely meant that something big was going on. Her hands were trembling when she found a news channel.

And when she heard the reporter, she thought she was still dreaming.

> “... _ The arrest took place earlier this very evening..”, “...A legion of Prime’s followers are currently camped outside the prison where he now waits for trial…”, “...20 alleged rape victims gave their statements to the Federal Police, encouraged by the story published by local paper The Horde Daily…” _

Except that it wasn’t a dream. 

Adora’s first immediate reaction was shock - her jaw dropped, her hand covered a gasp that escaped her mouth. Glimmer and Bow stood up beside her, each of them holding one of Adora’s hands, supportive as ever.  Her second reaction was screaming frantically - and the three best friends started cheering, jumping and laughing in sheer happiness. 

No more than five minutes later, Mara called her. 

“We did it, Mara!” She was so buzzed, it didn’t even occur to her to say hello.

“No, Adora,  _ you  _ did it! This was all you, be proud”. 

The sound of Mara’s voice was what it took for Adora to start sobbing. This was it. Believing in things was worth it. Good things could happen, justice could prevail.  She could make a difference.

“You are a good person, Adora, and a good journalist. Maybe too good for Etheria”. 

The unsettling feeling of  _ déja-vu _ struck her. Where did she hear something like that recently? Oh, that's right, in her dreams.

“It feels so unreal, I can’t…”

“Take your time, dear, I know it's a little too much to process”. Mara chuckled softly while Adora cried her eyes out. 

“Thank you for everything, you have no idea how much--”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. We were both doing our jobs and I told you it was going to be all worth it, didn’t I?”

“You did”. Adora said between sobs, smiling and holding onto Bow and Glimmer’s hands just a little bit tighter. 

A small pause before Mara continued.

"Hey, I've been meaning to call you to tell you something else... Did you hear about Hordak?”.

“Hmm? Hordak? No, what happened?” Adora could feel her anxiety building yet again.

“Right, I forgot you’re still away from social media. So get ready for this: someone leaked Hordak’s bank account records last week”.

“What?!” 

“Apparently he’s been using his non-profit organization to launder money”.

“Wow... Was he charged with anything?”

“Not yet, but with Prime’s arrest, his political influence is expected to decrease considerably so my guess is it won’t take long, but we'll just have to wait and see”.

So this is what revenge tastes like. Adora could definitely get used to it.

“Guess what goes around really comes around, huh?”

“Karma's a bitch, dear... But let's not get too ahead of ourselves, huh?”.

"Yeah, I know. There's enough to go around".

"Let's just hope that everything will fall into the right place from now on. But go celebrate! You've earned it". 

After hanging up with Mara, Adora's mind was racing and there was one last thing she had to do. She texted DT to thank them for trusting her with all those women's stories and also for leaking the stuff about Hordak - of course, assuming that they were responsible for it. But when their response came, Adora was more than just a little intrigued.

> _ [20:15] DT: i wish i had something to do with it, darling!! i guess u have another secret admirer! ;) _

Huh.

“Adora, drop that phone! Let's go get drunk!”

Adora could disagree with Glimmer on many things, but in this case they were in perfect agreement. After great news like that, it was not the time to be intrigued or stressed about anything. They all deserved to enjoy this victory, together.

So, they cracked a bottle of champagne that was sitting in Adora’s refrigerator for weeks, just waiting for that very day. Being the perfect man that he was, Bow improvised a celebratory dinner. They drank, ate and watched every news channel available on television for hours, until they got too tired and fell asleep on Adora’s couch. 

All thoughts about Catra and her birthday faded into the back of Adora’s mind. 

Saturday could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter (and the next one), so I hope you like it.
> 
> Chapter title credit: St. Vincent - Masseduction
> 
> Oh, if you are reading this note, maybe you would be interested in helping some lovely ladies from my country who are researching She-Ra fan fiction for academic purposes: bit.ly/SPOPficsurvey


	9. I tried to control it, but love I couldn't hold it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday came and Adora stumbles on her own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back, as promised!
> 
> (Or almost. Sorry for not posting this during the weekend, but life got in the way).
> 
> Just a liiiiittle more drama before things can finally settle, but don't worry, we're getting there. I think we're looking at another 3 chapters after this one, but I'm not making any promises because I'm enjoying this too much so I may as well delay it.
> 
> So there's that.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one, but be warned, it might hurt a little :)

Saturday eventually came and Adora’s great mood had not yet been shaken. The latest news about Prime being arrested helped her feel a little more confident about herself and she could almost believe in the unexpected again. But after everything she had been through the last few months, one couldn’t be too careful.

Adora was known for her bravery, for taking chances and doing whatever it takes for what she believed that was right. But when it came to her own feelings, most of the time she didn’t know what was what. When you’re the one in the middle of a hurricane, it is hard to put things into perspective. It is difficult to tell right from wrong when everything is pretty much upside down and turning into itself.

Right now, Adora wasn't sure if she was brave enough to let herself be vulnerable again, if those feelings that reawakened inside of her were real or just... Her muscle memory clouding her better judgement. Should she take that plunge without knowing? 

She wanted to be sure. So, she had to know. 

From the looks of it, Starla wanted that exact same thing, because when Adora told her about Catra showing up again, she insisted on going to the party as Adora’s date, as awkward as the situation was for everyone.

So maybe everyone was just trying to call each other’s bluff. 

_Too bad Adora was terrible at playing poker._

“Adora, Starla! What a surprise! It's so great to see you! I guess Catra forgot to mention she inv-- Aaaaanyhow, welcome to the castle! Food’s over there, bathroom is that way, drinks are in the bar, so you can help yourselves out and-- Oh, gosh, how rude of me, you can give me your coats!”

With a warm, welcoming hug from Scorpia, Adora and Starla arrived at Catra’s party. As requested, the guests gave their coats to the hostess while Adora examined the place. It was a big apartment, much bigger than hers, and the place was crowded with people Adora had never seen before, which made her a little more relieved. There was an improvised dance floor in the living room, good music was playing and there were different types of very appealing beverages - beer, tequila, whiskey, vodka. 

She recognized a few of Catra’s friends from the night they met, but other than that everyone there was pretty much unknown. Oh, wait, isn’t that Rogelio from the Horde Daily? How random was that? _Hey, Rogelio!_

“...and _there’s_ the lady of the hour! I hear that this one was responsible for putting Prime behind bars, huh?! That was so amazing, you have to tell me everything!”

Whoops, had Adora spaced out already? She must have, because Perfuma was now there by Scorpia’s side. 

“Mmm? Oh, hi, Perfuma!” They hugged. “Yeah, about that, thank you, but I was really just the messenger…”, Adora said with a shrug, blushing a little.

“Well, you should be proud, what you did was really brave”. Yeah. In that case, being brave had been worth it. “And _you_ , Starla, we have lots to talk about, my friend!”

“Not about work, I hope?” 

Coincidentally, Perfuma was consulting for an internal gardening project at the architecture office where Starla and Bow worked. 

“No, silly!”, Perfuma said with a giggle. “I wanted to show you the new yoga playlist I made”. 

Also, they both spoke "Zen", so they bonded super quickly and got along great.

“Oh, yeah, she’s been talking about it nonstop!” Scorpia added. 

“Cool, show me!”

The conversation faded into the background as Adora scanned the room, more than a little nervous, as Catra was nowhere to be seen. She was beginning to wonder if she had confused the dates, if she had been pranked, if she had dreamed it, when that familiar husky voice came from behind her, tickling her ear. 

“So... You came”.

Adora’s brain didn’t respond as fast as her body - which of course reacted in _every possible way_. Shivers down her spine, heart beating like a hammer, erratic breathing, all the traditional symptoms she felt whenever Catra was near her. She turned around and almost jumped back in startleness, as Catra was much, much closer to her than she expected, standing with her weight on one leg, both hands on her hips. 

She sure knew how to make an entrance - and how to make Adora flush in two seconds flat. There's gotta be an award for that.

Adora didn’t mean to, but her eyes wandered up and down. Ripped skinny jeans, t-shirt off the shoulder, perfect freckles, deep eyes, scruffy short hair. Yep, Catra’s parts were all there, gorgeous and irresistible as ever. 

Adora swallowed to keep herself from drooling, as she realized that she didn't really think this through.

She didn’t think this through _at all_.

“Hey, Adora", Catra said, that obnoxious sexy smile on her face. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you”. Catra said, carefully measuring Adora - and Starla - up and down, as if they were her research subjects.

“Ah-uh-- Catra! Hi!" Adora finally managed to say. "Yes, I came --” Pun unintended. “I mean, uh-- _we_ are here! H-Happy birthday!” 

What were the proper greeting etiquette rules for a former sex buddy that you're still attracted to but didn't really want to be? Should they hug? Kiss on the cheek? High five? Shake hands? Adora flapped her arms in indecision, her weight awkwardly shifting from leg to leg, as she finally settled for _a light punch on Catra’s shoulder_ \- and seriously, someone just put her out of her misery, because this was just so... I mean, I can't even choose the most appropriate adjective.

Catra suppressed another smirk and looked up to her, raising an eyebrow, her eyes filled with mockery, clearly enjoying how flustered Adora was. 

Still not fully recovered from her momentary meltdown, Adora pulled Starla closer with a dumb smile on her face. “So, this is-- this is Starla! She’s, uh-- eh, my plus one, as I told you”. 

“Nice to meet you, Catra, thank you for inviting me!” Much more elegant and normal than Adora could ever dream to be, Starla jumped in to greet Catra with a hug and a kiss on each cheek.

“Sure, any _friend_ of Adora’s is a friend of-- oh, wow, hey, eh”, Catra glanced at Adora from over Starla’s shoulder, wrath burning in her eyes. Adora knew how much Catra dreaded when someone entered her personal space without any announcement, so now it was her time to smirk. “Uh… Thank you for coming”. 

“Oh, yeah, I, uh-- _we_ got this for you”. Adora said, stretching the arm from a distance to give Catra her present, too afraid of any physical contact after that awful, just awful first attempt.

Catra took the gift from Adora’s hands and smiled. “Thank you _both_ , _you_ _two_ really shouldn’t have”. Adora caught a hint of snark in Catra’s tone, almost indistinguishable. “I’m gonna put this in Scorpia’s room, but you two go ahead and enjoy the party”. 

Adora struggled not to stare as Catra turned to walk away, but her hormones ultimately won that battle. 

“Hey, do you want something to drink?”

Starla’s voice brought her back, foreign hands suddenly around her waist. Adora didn't think. Her most immediate reaction was to kiss her, deeply, almost desperately, as if she was trying to find what was missing between them. 

Except that she could still feel Catra’s breath against her ear.

***

Apart from that terrible initial interaction, the evening went smoothly. Adora was actually enjoying herself and the company - but of course alcohol played an important role in that matter, as it took a lot of the edge off. The food was delicious, the music was great and everyone was in a good mood. Scorpia and Perfuma were great hostesses and they introduced them to some of Catra’s friends. Adora even learned that one of them, Kyle, was dating that guy Rogelio, from the paper. Huh. Small world. 

It also helped that Adora was in the prime of her fifteen minutes of glory. The epic tale of how a young investigative journalist helped send a powerful religious leader and politician to jail was a major hit and people would gather around her to listen to the details of how she got contacted by a hacker, how she tracked the sources, how she published the story that got her fired and then famous. That was just the attention that Adora needed to keep her mind occupied: she could go on about her work for hours if she had an interested audience - which rarely happened, if you want me to be honest. Adora’s cocky smile made a cameo appearance when the word “hero” was mentioned, her ego was doing just fine, thank you very much. 

But every once in a while, she would catch Catra watching her from a distance, with that intense look in her eyes. That would be enough for her to stutter and lose her train of thought. 

When she wasn’t the one doing the talking, her eyes would instinctively wander around the room, trying to spot Catra in the crowd, her heart skipping a beat whenever their eyes met. Adora tried not to, but she couldn’t help but stare as Catra danced a little too closely, a little too intimately, with other girls. 

She knew that she had no reason to be bothered, no right to be jealous, and she was absolutely aware that Catra was not the person she was supposed to be looking at to begin with. So especially out of respect for her date, she would push those thoughts away, trying in vain to engage with the conversation going on around her. 

So, while Starla and Perfuma enthusiastically discussed the advantages of using _feng shui_ concepts in architectural projects, Adora noticed that the balcony was unoccupied - a good opportunity for her to hide from the noise, organize her thoughts and catch her breath.

She didn't put much thought into it, just stood up and leaned her arms against the railing.

Adora gazed at the moon and at the beautiful view of Plumeria’s square ahead of her, as she took a sip of her drink.

A familiar melody caught her ear and she smiled at the first note.

She recognized the song that started playing on the dance floor, one of her personal favorites. Her body started to move in rhythm while Adora realized that she was already a little tipsy - not an unexpected result when you decide to drink too much, too fast. The song brought back so many memories, all of them great. She remembered being in bed with Catra, listening to it and reminiscing about her old college days, when she got so drunk that she _almost gave the audience a show that wouldn’t be appropriate for minors._

She missed everything about it, their chemistry, their intimacy.

“You know, a girl once told me that she got so wasted at a party that she almost took her clothes off when this song started playing”.

Adora smelled the cigarette smoke before turning around to see Catra coming her way, a knowing smile on her lips.

Oh. So this was intentional. An invitation, in the shape of a song.

It felt dangerous.

“Hm, I don’t think I know what you're talking about”.

“Maybe you didn’t have enough to drink, then. That might refresh your memory”.

Adora bit her lip. Yep, definitely dangerous.

“Please, don’t do this”. Adora glanced at the floor, her cheeks burning up, her heart racing. “Don’t talk to me like that”.

“Why, because of _Starlet_?” Catra mocked. “Where is she, anyways? She should've known better than to leave you wandering around all defenseless without a bodyguard”.

Adora's mind backpedalled and she remembered Glimmer's words. Maybe Catra’s just _afraid of the competition_. Maybe she just liked the thrill of the chase, the challenge, the conquest. 

“Catra… Let’s not go there”.

“Awww, you’re no fun, do you know that?”

“Catra…”

Catra raised her hands to the air. “Okay, okay, you win. I’ll start over”.

“Thank you”, Adora smiled, a little less guarded, but still very much aware of what was going on. _Not aware enough to walk away, though._

Catra came closer to the railing and stood by Adora’s side, only a few inches apart from her as they both looked ahead, enjoying the view. She took a drag on her cigarette and exhaled before speaking again.

“So, do I need to schedule in advance to speak to you now that you’re famous and all?”

“You’re the popular one tonight, birthday girl”. Adora tilted her head, lightly pointing at the crowd gathered in the living room.

“Ugh, I let Scorpia take care of the guest list and this is what I get”. 

“Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying it, I’ve been watching you out there”.

Catra laughed without any reservation and the sound was so perfect, it made Adora’s heart feel warm, full. At peace, for once.

“You’ve been watching me, huh?” Adora blushed, as she fell into her own trap. 

“You know what I mean, smartass”.

“I’m kidding. I guess it is kind of nice, having everyone together, at once”. Catra moved an inch closer to her and, like a moth to a flame, Adora did the same. “At least it’s not a costume party like Scorpia and Perfuma wanted”.

“Too bad, I would have loved to see that”, Adora teased. 

“Yeah, yeah, mock away”.

“You would make an awesome Catwoman”, she giggled in excitement.

Catra scoffed. “Please, don’t insult me, that’s far too obvious”. 

“Alright, alright, then what?”

“Hmmm… I guess I would be a killer Carmen Sandiego if my hair was still long”.

 _Ooooh, she would look so hot with that red overcoat._ This time, Adora didn't even try to stop her imagination from wondering. 

“You would look so hhhoh-- I mean-- that would be a great costume for you”.

Catra smiled as she took a drag on her cigarette, moving another inch closer, and then another, until their arms touched. A rush of adrenaline ran through Adora's body, making her feel self conscious and aware that this could, very quickly, get out of her control. 

Nevertheless, she stayed put.

“And of course you would wear one of those big dumb costumes, like a pumpkin, a snowman, a giant hot dog or whatever”.

Adora rolled her eyes and laughed, because one of those had actually been her Halloween costume three years ago - you can guess which one was it. Catra examined her face, as if she was waiting for an answer, until Adora’s body language reluctantly admitted that Catra’s guess was in fact very much on point.

“Well…”.

“Oh, I knew it! I should've put money on it”. She chuckled. 

“Because you know me so well, huh?”

“Not my fault you’re too easy to read”.

As they bantered and cackled, Adora turned herself around so her back leaned against the railing and she could face the living room. She took another sip of her drink and searched for Starla, but couldn’t really see her from where she was standing. A twinge of guilt caused her to move away and increase the distance between her and Catra.

But they could me miles away to one another, it didn't really matter.

It wouldn't change a thing.

It was so easy to talk to Catra, so natural. As far as Adora knew, they didn’t really share many interests or had that much in common, but their conversation just clicked. She could talk to Catra even when she was too tense or anxious, as Catra’s presence relaxed her, made her feel at ease. And when it came to Adora, that was a rare feeling, a feeling she had learned to value. 

“Hey, I heard about that creep being arrested because of your work. I’m impressed”.

“Yeah, we still have to wait for the trial, but thanks”.

“No, I’m just impressed you can write a full sentence”.

“What?” Adora’s voice cracked. “Shut up!” 

“I guess your writing skills _must_ be better than your people skills after all”.

Adora scoffed. “Oh, you’re one to talk”. 

“What do you mean? I’m great with people, look at how crowded my party is”.

“I bet they are all actors”. 

“Honestly, they might as well be. I can’t remember most of their names”.

Adora burst into laughter, almost spitting out her drink. “You’re terrible!”.

“I guess I was wasted when I met them. That’s the only reasonable explanation”.

“I’m afraid to ask, but do you remember _my_ name?”

Catra grimaced, jokingly. “Eeesh, I was hoping you wouldn’t go there”.

“Awww, be serious, come on!”. 

“Why do you think I call you princess so much?”

“Oh, that’s so low!”

Adora gently slapped Catra’s shoulder, pretending to be angry, and they both laughed together, not a single concern on Adora's mind. The song ended and, for a second, everything went silent - just the distant sound of people talking in the living room, but not really loud enough to disturb them. Adora and Catra looked into each other’s eyes, still catching their breaths, and Adora could see it clearly, she felt it with so much certainty.

This wasn’t just hormones. This wasn’t lust. This wasn’t a _stupid crush_ , like Glimmer said. This was special. 

This was the spark that she couldn’t ignore.

But as much as Adora consciously wanted to dive into this, the nature of their relationship could not be overlooked. Catra wasn’t looking for the same thing Adora was and, at the end of the day, this very fact would always stand between them.

Still, she came here looking for answers - not just from Catra, but especially from herself. And maybe she didn’t know what Catra wanted from her, but she was absolutely sure about what she wanted. 

Adora sensed it before it happened: Catra moving closer to her; her smell confusing Adora's senses; their bodies almost pressed together; Catra’s fingers on her chin, tilting it softly to the side; her fingernails gently stroking Adora’s face, pulling her in, inviting her.

She wanted so badly to give in, to surrender to that strong, strange force that always seemed to pull her back to Catra's orbit. 

Now it was time to be brave.

"No", she weakly said, and it took all of Adora’s willpower to take a step back and pry Catra’s hand away, their gazes still locked, their hands still holding each other. Adora shut her eyes and took a deep breath, in and out, turning her face away and finally breaking any physical contact with Catra. Her body reacted, missing it immediately: she was red, sweaty, panting, all her muscles were tense, her lips tingled. She opened her eyes, still buzzing, still burning in realization of what almost happened - what she almost allowed to happen.

And the first thing she saw was Starla’s eyes on her.

Oh, but isn't that just so fucking perfect.

***

“I saw it, Adora”.

Adora closed Scorpia's bedroom door behind them and leaned herself against it, too nervous to sit down. 

“Then you saw that I stopped it”.

“I’m not talking about her making a pass at you, I couldn't care less for that. I'm talking about the way you look at her, the way you let her get to you. You’re totally into this girl, Adora”. 

It was no use trying to fight it. Finally it was time to say it out loud, admit the truth, even though the circumstances were the worst possible.

“I know”.

“And I’m actually glad that I saw it before we turned into anything serious, so thank you for giving me the opportunity, but I really don’t think that we needed to go through all this… All this _drama_. Seriously, I’m too old for this shit, you could’ve just talked to me”.

Adora’s head was pounding, her chest hurt. 

“Don’t you want to go someplace else, so we can talk about this?”

“We could, but I don’t really see the point, it’s not like it’s going to change anything”.

Adora sat on the bed, too dizzy to stand up. Starla remained standing, her arms crossed, her tone of voice unchanged.

“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mislead you. We were just getting to know each other… I was afraid to --”

“You technically didn’t mislead me, but at the same time you’re the one who brought me here today. So what the fuck, Adora? Did you need a safety net, is that it? Someone around just to make sure you wouldn’t screw up? Or were you just using me to make her jealous?”.

“No! I swear to God, no! I would never do that!” Adora responded very emphatically, while she also realized that maybe, unconsciously, she kind of did. “I didn’t want to have these feelings, you can trust me on that. I tried so hard to push them aside, to stop thinking about--Ugh, I thought I had this under control, that I was ready for something new”.

“You don’t really owe me an explanation. And I get it, I'm no stranger to this situation. I’ve been in your position more than once. But I don't fancy being the girl you settle for while you’re still _simping over someone else_ ”. 

Adora buried her head in her hands, her stomach turning over in acknowledgement of what she had done.

“I’m truly sorry, I thought I was giving us a chance--”.

“Giving us a chance but not really willing to give up on _what’s her name_ , right? From where I’m standing, you were just covering all your bases”.

The words started to really sink in. Yes, she was too much of a coward to acknowledge that she was still nurturing feelings for someone who didn’t want the same things as her. Yes, she tried to choose mind over heart, tried to play it safe, tried to protect herself from getting hurt. Yes, it blew up in her face, just like Bow told her it would.

“You’re right”, Adora simply said, and that admission made Starla’s expression soften for the first time since they came into the room. “That was a shitty thing to do and I feel like such an asshole. I was dumb and selfish, I realize that now. But _believe me_ , I wish I could take everything back. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I hate the idea that I caused you any pain. And I tried to avoid it by just... Ignoring it. But I also can’t bear to...”. Adora had to pause to exhale, her voice almost failing her. “I can’t keep lying to myself anymore, I have to-- I _need_ to deal with this. And it took me a while to get here and I’m sorry, because I know it’s too late. And you didn’t deserve to be dragged into this mess”.

“Yeah, it really sucks to be in my shoes. It sucks to see the girl you were just starting to like so into someone else. I just wish you could’ve seen it sooner”. Starla said with a bittersweet smile that broke Adora’s heart just a little. “But you didn’t lie to me, so I guess it counts”. 

“I do like you, I just…”

“I know. Don’t worry, I’m a big girl, I knew what I was getting myself into. I’ll heal. I guess I was hoping that things could turn out differently”.

 _As was Adora_ , but there was no point in saying that now. So they stood there in silence.

“I’m gonna go, okay? I hope you can sort this out”.

Adora wanted to say something, but she was too exhausted, so she just nodded. As Starla left and closed the bedroom door, Adora allowed herself to crash on Scorpia’s bed for a minute or so, feeling like a little, smelly, toxic piece of shit, and not all ready for standing up and facing Catra again.

But of course it didn't matter if she was ready or not.

It didn't matter at all, because someone was kocking on the door.

And Adora could just guess who it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels so weird for me to write Adora messing up, so I struggled a lot with this. I made a lot of tweaks until I was satisfied and I guess it got to a place that is consistent to the character (who is sometimes impulsive and self-absorbed) and the narrative.
> 
> By the way, what do you think Adora's gift to Catra was? Feel free to share your thoughts :)
> 
> Title credit: Camera Obscura - French Navy
> 
> And in case you don't remember (I guess it's on chapter 4), the song that they both mention in the middle is David Bowie - Changes.


	10. Because your kiss is what I miss when I turn out the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora have a heart to heart.  
> Finally!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> And how are you? Had a nice Halloween?
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it and everything will start to fall in place for the conclusion.
> 
> Oh, by the way, I would like to thank Rawrzilla for inadvertently giving me an idea for a quick dialogue somewhere.

From the moment Adora and Starla went through Scorpia’s apartment door, Catra realized that she was screwed. Well, she already suspected this possibility since she woke up that day with a weird feeling she did not understand. 

Catra understood sex. Sex was simple. Either you’re attracted to someone, or you’re not. Either someone gets you off, or they don’t. She understood flirting - and she was very good at it, I might add. She understood the rush of blood between her legs when a girl reacted to her touches, to her kisses, to the sound of her voice. Those were feelings she was very familiar with. 

This particular feeling, this feeling of anticipation, was an unfamiliar one. She spent all day wondering if Adora would come to her party, if she would bring someone as her date, if they would be able to talk… And the more she thought about it, the more it felt like she was on the roof of a 100-story building, looking down, or when you’re too drunk and you know that you’re about to throw up - racing heart, jittery stomach, clammy palms. 

But anticipation quickly turned into something else entirely when Catra saw Adora holding hands, dancing, kissing someone else. 

_She’s my plus one, as I told you_ , heh. Seriously, though, Catra was almost offended by how sad this little charade was. If Adora thought that bringing the most insipid, commonplace and boring person to ever set foot in Etheria would make Catra jealous, then think again, mister, because clearly it wouldn’t... I mean, clearly it didn’t... 

Okay, it was working, yeah.

It was working _too damn well_.

Anticipation turned into a mixture of conflicting feelings growing inside of her. Anger, jealousy, guilt, sadness, fear, increasing in size and weight, to the point they were too big for her skin, too big to fit in her own body. She could try to swallow them up, but she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hold them much longer.

They were like words of a foreign language, trying to speak to her for the very first time. But, so far, she was lost in translation. 

So when she saw Adora head for the balcony alone, she tried communicating in the only way she knew how. Flirting, teasing, those were the languages that she spoke fluently. And maybe this would make her look like a complete jerk, but right now she didn’t care. She just wanted to have some kind of an answer. 

The song was almost crass as it was far too obvious, Catra knew it would certainly get an immediate reaction from Adora - and depending on that reaction, it would also give her an opening. The response that she wished for came quickly, so easy that she just _had to push_ a little bit deeper, not entirely aware of how dangerous this really was, no red flags warning her to stop. 

Because once she got started, Catra couldn’t get enough of it. She was too much into seeing how Adora’s upper lip would twitch slightly when she made her laugh, how her fingers tightened on the handrail when Catra got too close, how her face turned red when Catra teased her, how she got all flustered for almost admitting that Catra would look hot in some stupid costume. 

It was too beautiful to resist. 

Catra allowed herself to come just a little bit closer, so close that she could hear Adora’s erratic breath catching in her throat, so close that she could smell the faintest scent of alcohol and see goosebumps all over that precious, pale skin. Then Adora laughed and gazed at her with those gorgeous blue eyes, so candid and genuine that Catra wanted that gaze to be reserved for her only. 

What followed wasn’t really part of the plan, if there was even a plan to begin with. Catra wasn’t thinking when she leaned forward to tilt Adora’s chin to her side. She wasn’t thinking when she pulled Adora closer for a much awaited kiss. Only when she felt Adora’s hand on hers, warding off her advances, Catra realized how much she had miscalculated.

But could one really blame her for trying to express herself when words couldn’t do her justice? Could one blame her for acting on pure want, for surrendering to that feeling, a feeling too good to relinquish?

Well, yeah. One definitely could. Catra knew what she was doing. Catra could’ve stopped herself at any time. She wasn’t even drunk, so she couldn’t even use that lame excuse. And now that it was done, her careless, thoughtless action would have immediate consequences. 

Adora let go of Catra’s hand, her face turning even paler than it already was when she caught a glimpse of Starla’s eyes on them. Catra too went stiff, pressing her back against the handrail, moving away from Adora, no word other than _fuck_ going through her mind. 

Unsure, Adora turned to look at Catra, then at Starla, with wide eyes and an expression of panic - and her momentary indecision caused Starla to walk away. Naturally, Adora went after her, turning her back to look at Catra one last time before saying _Starla, wait!_ and going through all that drama.

Meanwhile, Catra fiddled with her pack of cigarettes before making the very cowardly decision to take the emergency staircase to the roof. 

As you may have guessed, Catra didn’t handle rejection very well. In fact, if one dug deep enough into this, one would find that fear of abandonment and rejection were the main reasons why Catra shied away from relationships. Not very original, but still real. It wasn’t rational, but the fact that Adora refused her advances left her with a bitter feeling in her gut. 

Of course, if she put thirty seconds of thought into it, being the smart girl that she was, she would quickly recognize that Adora was trying to avoid a trainwreck. But Catra wasn’t willing to think about it right now. Instead, she let herself be taken over by the unwarranted fear that Adora was choosing Starla over her. 

So she hid. 

And then she felt stupid. Because of course Adora would choose anyone else over her. Hell, of course she _should_ do that. What did she have to offer? Really, other than sex, what did Catra have to give? She relapsed into a spiral of negative thoughts, feeling guilty and ashamed for even considering the possibility of being worthy of Adora’s attention.

But just before diving into that old fashioned and very unnecessary guilt trip, the emergency door slammed behind her and a very loud thump brought her back to reality. Scorpia’s voice was the sound that followed. 

“Wildcat, there you are! Gee, I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Catra turned to face her friend, letting her suspiciousness show.

“Phew! That was a hell of a climb, alright! Okay! Now can you please tell me what is going on?”

“What do you mean? N-nothing is going on, I’m just-- I’m just having a smoke, and I, uh, I like the quiet over here”. Oh, Catra… Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, didn’t you know that?

“Oh! Right! So you _don’t_ have anything to do with whatever beef that happened between Adora and her date?” 

Ah, so the cat was out of the bag, then. Everything was out in the open. Catra dropped her poker face, as there was no point in trying to hide anything anymore. She sighed and her expression softened, as she reminded herself that this was her best friend in front of her, the one person in the world who she could fully trust. 

“Shit”. Catra took a long drag of her cigarette before speaking. “Yeah, I guess trying to kiss her was a dick move”.

“ _Whoa_! Shut the front door!” Scorpia cried. “You tried to kiss Adora’s date?!”

“What? No!” It was Catra’s turn to almost scream, her voice cracking in outrage. Kissing Starla? Come on. “Wait, so you _don’t_ know what’s going on?”

“Gee, no, I literally just asked you that, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea somehow”. That made sense. For a moment there, Catra must have forgotten that her best friend, the one person in the world who she could fully trust, was also Scorpia. “So, okay, first Adora shows up here and I didn’t even know you guys hung out! And then she and Starla went to the bedroom, then Starla stormed out, and I’m like _What the fudge is going on?_ Then Perfuma went to talk to Adora and she asked me to come find you and--”. 

Hold the phone a minute. Did Catra just hear what she thinks she heard?

“Wait, Starla left?”

“Yup, yup, about a minute ago”. Scorpia said, nodding emphatically.

“And Adora… Stayed?” Catra said as an involuntary grin made a guest appearance on her face. That could only mean one thing and smiling about it was definitely not the honorable thing to be doing right now, so Catra tried to refrain her most devious instincts.

“Yeah, but can you please explain? I’m seriously lost here”.

“Okay…” A deep exhale. “So… Remember that girl I told you about, the one that I was hooking up with and then...”, Catra said, rolling her eyes, trying to control her face from getting flushed but failing miserably at it. “And then I started liking her or whatever”.

“Of course, I’m still waiting for a chance to congratulate the girl for being able to melt your stone cold heart”.

“Well… You can do that tonight, if you want”.

Catra glanced at Scorpia, hoping that she would catch the hint, but Scorpia just stared at her with a neutral expression on her face, waiting for her to carry on.

“Oh, my God, do I literally have to spell everything out for you? It’s Adora, the girl I was hooking up with is Adora”.

“Get out!! Really?!” Scorpia gasped in shock, body arched back and forth as she moved ahead to punch Catra in the shoulder, not at all self-conscious about her own strength and disregarding the fact that Catra was much, much smaller than her.

“Ow!!” The impact sent Catra's cigarette flying to the floor.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just so excited about this! Adora is the girl you like? Oh, this is _huge_! No wonder Perfuma told me to talk to you, she seemed to know exactly what was going on, she’s so clever and insightful--”

“Scorpia, do you mind?” Catra said, staring at her friend with her arms crossed.

“Again, I’m sorry! I’ll shut my mouth now! Go on!”

“So I ran into Adora the other day, totally by chance, and I invited her… In fact… Ugh, that was the whole reason I agreed to have this stupid party”.

“That is _so_ cute, you threw a party just to have a chance of meeting her again? Okay, maybe a little too elaborate, sure, definitely, you could have just asked her out on a date, keep that in mind next time, but still, it’s so _cute_ that you’re finally trying to open up!”.

“Wha--Shut up! I am not cute!” Catra scoffed. “Can I please finish telling the story?”

“Yup, yup, I’m all ears”.

“I tried talking to her while she was alone and I may have… Ugh, I tried to kiss her”. Scorpia punched her again, using even more force this time. “Ow!! Cut it out!” 

“Sorry! But wait, what do you mean you _tried_ to kiss her? She didn’t…”

“She didn’t”. Catra sighed with regret and Scorpia must have noticed it, because her expression changed from shocked to sad. “Anyway, _Startrek_ saw everything, so the whole thing was a bust”.

“Oh, wow… Oh, wow!” Scorpia stood there, slowly processing everything while repeating herself like a broken record. And then she snapped. “Okay, okay, terrible move on your part, trying to hit on Adora when her date was basically standing in the same room, yup, also a little sad because she didn’t kiss you back, but you know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, right?” 

“Rationally, yeah, but…”

“Oh, no, no, no, Wildcat, don’t go there. Don’t assume anything before you get a chance to speak to her”

“Eeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh...” 

“You _are_ going to talk to her, right?”

“I figured I would just stay here until everyone leaves?”

“Wait, that’s your plan?” Scorpia laughed empathetically. “Look, truthfully, but I think you should go down there and at least apologize. She _is_ still here, you know”. 

“But… What would I even say?” Catra said sheepishly, actually asking for Scorpia’s advice for the first time in her life.

“At this point... I think telling her the truth is your best bet, you know? Just… Go all in”. Scorpia knew that Catra liked poker metaphors.

“But what if---”

“Nope!" Scorpia said, gently covering Catra’s mouth with her hand and pulling her into a big hug, almost burning herself with the cigarette in the process. “Perfuma always tells me that if you spend too much worrying about the _what ifs_ , you end up doing nothing. So save your words for Adora, okay?”. 

Catra then allowed herself to be comforted, embracing Scorpia’s huge figure. 

"And just so you know, I'm proud of you and no matter what happens, I'll be here."

“Ugh, I’m so pathetic”.

Scorpia chuckled. “Not pathetic, cute!”

Catra hissed, a little angrier this time. “I am not cute!”.

“Okay, you’re not cute”.

“I’m a badass”, Catra said, her head awkwardly pressed between Scorpia’s arms and chest.

“Yeah, sure you are”.

***

When Catra entered Scorpia’s room, Adora was sitting on the bed next to Perfuma. Perfuma threw her a knowing look, with a light nod, as if allowing her to enter. Adora’s face was much harder to read, though. All Catra could find there was confusion. 

The blonde looked exhausted, flushed, flustered and also a little drunk. Her blue, beautiful eyes lazily gazed at Catra with heavy eyelids, lacking their usual glimmer. Seeing Adora so frail, so beat, as if she was about to cry, made her furious. 

But as she had been the one responsible for Adora’s pain and didn’t plan to overstep her bounds again, Catra chose to lean against the door nervously, waiting for some kind of permission from Adora’s part.

When that didn’t happen, Perfuma broke the silence. 

“Okay, I’m gonna let you guys talk”, She said, kissing Adora on the cheek and getting ready to leave the room. When she passed Catra at the doorway, she threw her a reassuring smile then closed the door. 

Catra sat on Scorpia’s desk, right across the bed, still unsure of what she should say or do next. She tried to state the obvious.

“Well, I guess we, uh… I guess we should talk”.

“I guess we _shoullld_...” Adora said, her palms glued to the bed, her eyes fixed on the floor. It was a little refreshing to see that she was as nervous as Catra was. “I’m n-not sure this is the best t-time for that, though”. 

“Oh. Okay…”

“Wait, it’s not _lllike_ that, I’m not dismissing you, it’s just… Ugh, I’ve had a lot to drink. And after everything that just happened, I think I’ve had enough for one night. Plllus--The last time I was like this and we tried talking, it ended up badly, so… I _shoullld_ , I _shoullld_ just go”. 

Even stumbling over her words, Adora was still trying to be the voice of reason. _It must be exhausting to have her brain_ , Catra thought. But okay, if she wanted to be rational, Catra could do that.

“Well, you’re in no shape to go home by yourself”. 

“Pfff, not _llike_ you ever cared about that before”.

“Message received. But still, do you want me to call Glimmer or Bow so they can pick you up?”

“ _Noooo_ , I-I’m _fiiine_ , I’ll just call myself an Uber”. Adora said, standing up, but immediately falling back on the bed, blinking multiple times. “ _Whoa_ , _okay_ , I’ll do that in a quick sec, when e-everything stops s-spinning”.

“Sure, take your time. Do you want me to get you anything? Water? Uh… A bucket, maybe?” Catra tried, standing up and gesturing a little exaggeratedly, but still keeping her distance from the bed.

“No… I just…” Adora exhaled deeply, her gaze meeting Catra’s for the first time since they started talking. “Maybe you _shoulld_ leave me alone for now”.

“Ahm, okay, do you want me to call Perfuma back?”

“No… Jus--Just stop. You have to stop”.

“You’re gonna have to help me out here, princess, because you’re not making any sense and I’m not really a patient person”.

“Stop being nice to me”.

“Huh? Now I’m completely lost”.

“You-- I can’t get you. You confuse me. I mean, you send me all these weird signals and you flirt and you’re so pretty, and you’re kind, and caring all of a sudden, and then…” Adora paused to breathe again. “Then I end up feeling like the worst human being of the world for fucking up with a very nice person who _really_ didn’t deserve any of this, and it’s not your fault, I’m the one responsible, but _fuck_ , Catra what is it that you want from me?”.

Catra sat on a chair and moved it closer to the bed, uncertain about how far she could go.

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to confuse you”.

“Then what _did_ you mean? You saw me with someone else and suddenly decided I was worth your time?”

“No. That… That was not the reason. I didn’t like seeing you with someone else, yeah, but I would never… I would never hurt you on purpose, you have to trust me on this”.

“I’m sorry if I’m having a hard time believing it”. 

“It’s the truth”.

“ _Alllright_ , then _why_? Why did you want me to come here at _alll_?” 

Moment of truth, then. Catra didn’t really prepare for this - but what the heck, right? She did invite Adora for a reason and it was not like she had anything left to lose. Scorpia was right, maybe being honest was her best bet. 

“I… Can’t explain”. 

Adora stared at her dumbstruck. 

“Wow… Wow, I guess that settles it, then”. Adora said, her tone a little more playful, as she took her phone out of her purse. “I’m gonna text _Gllllimmer_ so she can pick me up”. 

“Adora, wait”. And to Catra’s surprise, Adora complied. “Ugh… It’s not something that I can really explain, alright? I can’t put it into words”.

_Because so far, she was lost in translation._

Weird thought, but maybe that concept could actually help her explain it somehow. 

“Can you try, please?” As Catra realized that she couldn’t possibly say no to those pleading eyes, as her knees felt weak and her stomach turned into backflips… Catra acknowledged, for the second time that day, that she was very much screwed.

She nervously stood up and wandered around the room, Adora’s eyes attentively following her every move, a concerned expression on her face. 

“When you left me that day, at my apartment, I was… Ugh, it wasn’t great, okay? In fact, it sucked. And I couldn’t really understand why it bugged me so much, since... I was the one who kicked you out, basically”.

Adora remained in a respectful silence, apparently unaffected by Catra’s words up until that point.

“Okay. Bear with me… This is the best that I can do to try and explain it… So, did you know there’s a word in Portuguese that can’t fully be translated to any other language?” 

“Uh… No, I can’t say that I knew that”. Adora looked at her quizzically, completely lost. 

“It's a word that means... Well, it means more than just _missing_ someone or _longing_ for someone, it’s… Not _nostalgia_ , either. It's an abstract noun that describes the feeling of pain that you get due to the withdrawal of a person. There is no word in the English language that can really define that feeling, no word can really translate it. Ugh, that sounds so corny, I don’t know if I’m even explaining myself right”.

“You are, _pllease_ …” Adora blinked as her expression melted into something much, much softer. “Please, continue”. 

“The thing is-- The reason why I can’t explain it to you... Okay, this is all new territory for me. I’ve never--Ugh, everything was so much simpler before. I tried to keep things simple. And I messed things up, because… I wanted to see you again, but I didn’t know how to say it without complicating things even further, and I... I feel like I'm illiterate when it comes to this, uh, this _stuff_. Experiencing feelings for someone is challenging enough as it is. Putting those feelings into words... It's a much bigger challenge. At least for me, it is”. 

That was the most vulnerable and exposed that Catra could ever get. She let Adora try and read her every expression. It didn’t come naturally for her, being in the spotlight like that. She hated being the one answering the questions. But for Adora, she was willing to give it a shot. And she was surprised to find that it was... Not as painful as she thought it would be. Maybe this was something she could get used to.

“And I know that I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you, I should've known better. What I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry. Sorry for being a complete _disaster_ at this. I didn’t mean to confuse you. But believe me when I say that I’m _way_ more confused than you are. I'm not making any sense, am I?”. 

"Strange as it seems, you are".

"And?"

Catra threw Adora her best pleading look. It made her smile.

“Alright”, Adora said simply.

“Alright?”

“I’m in no position to accept your apologies, Catra… I mean, if _you're_ a disaster, you're in good company. Look at the fucking mess I’ve made. I should have _never_ pushed you like that that night, but-- I was feeling miserable. I went to your place for _alll_ the wrong reasons and I got impatient and... Then I jumped into a new thing without really giving it a second thought. Then I saw you and… Everything just… _Ugh._ I can’t even stay mad at you for more than twenty minutes, it’s ridiculous”.

Catra just smiled.

“What I’m saying is… I’m the disaster”.

“Oh, no. I’m pretty sure I’ve got you beat”.

“Would you like to bet?”

“I don’t have to, I know I’ll win”.

"Let's consider ourselves even, then".

"Okay. I can live with that".

Catra sat on the bed next to Adora, relieved to see that the air around them was lighter, softer, easier to breathe. 

“So, you went through all this trouble just to admit that you missed me, huh?” And when Adora gazed at her with that smug smirk that only she knew how to wear, Catra allowed herself to relax, grabbing a pillow and tossing it lightly in Adora's direction.

“Oh, shut up”.

“You could’ve just said so, I mean-- I would, I would _underrrstand_ , I know I’m pretty unfff-- _fuck_ \-- I know I’m pretty _unforgettabllle_ ”. 

Catra laughed, pulling just a bit closer to Adora as the blonde giggled in the most adorable way.

“Yeah, yeah, best not to get all cocky when you can’t even pronounce the word, princess”.

“And who knew, you really _are_ a language nerd. I’m glad I guessed at least something right about you”.

“You’ve got a lot of things right”, Catra confessed, causing Adora to blush intensely. "Hey... Do you think there is any chance that we can... Start over?"

"I'm not sure... I don't think I should be answering that right now".

"Alright, alright, fair enough".

“But can I… Can I tell you a secret?”, She said, lowering her voice a little, as if there was a chance of someone else overhearing them.

“It’s the least you can do, you know, after I basically spilled my guts out to you”. 

Adora came as close as possible to Catra’s ear and whispered “ _I missed you too_ ” - and if Catra’s heart was as stone cold like Scorpia said, it turned into a soft and warm summer breeze when those four simple words found their way into her chest. 

In that majestic second that seemed to last for all eternity, all that Catra could feel was a wonderful, tingling sensation that spreaded through her limbs, like she was entirely made of static and could do nothing but let herself be pulled.

Catra was sure that she was blushing, and for once she didn’t fight it, because Adora’s fingers were running through the back of her neck, softly caressing her scalp, pulling it dangerously close to...

“ _Whoooa_ , I can’t… This--This is not… Fuck, I can’t be around you, can I?”, Adora said, standing up immediately, flushed, flustered and out of balance, but at least she was able to stand now. “What is it that you _do_ to me? _Fuck_ , it’s like I’m under a _spell_ or something”.

Okay, now it was Catra’s turn to be totally confused.

“Wait, what? I thought...”

Adora took a few deep breaths before awkwardly sitting next to her again.

“If I stay here a minute longer... I’m sorry, Catra”. She sighed and took her hand. “Everything’s still so fresh and I-I’m not about to repeat the same mistakes again. Ugh… Listen, I don't want to regret this night anymore than I already do-- I mean. Not that I'm not glad that we talked, but... We shouldn't... Uh, we really shouldn't...”. The more she spoke, the less sure Adora sounded. By the end of her little speech, she was staring at Catra with a hungry, dumb look in her eyes, like she was about to sweep Catra of her feet and pin her to the bed. Alas, she stood up again. “I mean, I’ve had more than a few and… I don’t... Trust myself when I'm alone with you”.

Adora took her cell phone out and typed something on her cell phone, mumbling some words like _Glimmer_ and _please._

Catra didn’t know if she should be flattered or frustrated, so she settled on feeling a little bit of both. And she could twist it any way she wanted, but at the end of the day, even she had to agree that doing anything in the heat of the moment would potentially spoil all the progress they made that night.

But Catra wasn't about to passively watch Adora open the door and leave her yet again. Instead, she decided it was more than enough time to go _all in_. Taken by newly found courage, Catra got up and reached out to Adora’s hand.

“Go out with me, then”.

Adora suppressed an incredulous smile, but Catra was quick enough to catch it.

“You… Why would you… What did you say?”

“Go out with me”.

“On a date?”

“I will even get you a corsage if you’re into that sort of crap”.

Adora paused and considered, her pale cheeks turning into a beautiful shade of pink as Catra studied her eyes, trying to read her thoughts. 

“Catra, you better... You better not be joking about this...”.

So going all in wasn't enough, but that was fine. Catra changed raised the stakes a little higher.

“Oh, my God, you’re such a dumbass. There would be more efficient ways of getting into your pants if that was all I was after, you know. But okay, you don’t have to answer me right away. You have my number, or at least I think you still do. So… Call me. Whenever you’re ready. And I’ll ask you out again”.

For a short moment, Adora stared at her in awe, as if Catra's words were too good to be true. She licked her lips, squeezing Catra's hand a little bit tighter before finally saying: “Alright. I’ll call you, then”.

“That is, if you remember this conversation”. 

“Don't worry, I’ll remember it”.

Adora loosened her grip on Catra’s hand and gently stroked it before pulling her own hand back to herself, in the sweetest of ways. And then she shot Catra a bright, hopeful, smile that was the best birthday present she could ever hope for.

***

Five days had passed since Catra’s birthday party and quite frankly, she was beginning to lose it. Maybe she overestimated her patience _just a little bit_ when she proposed that Adora could call her _whenever_ she wanted to. Yeah, not her brightest idea. What was she thinking? Maybe they could have discussed a more concrete deadline, because patience really wasn’t one of Catra’s strongest suits.

After smoking the millionth cigarette, watching every movie on Netflix, paying all her bills and running all her errands like a proper grown-up, Catra felt like every minute spent waiting was a minute in which someone dragged their nails across a blackboard - and that pitched, agonizing sound in the back of her mind was by no means a good substitute for the sound of her phone ringing or the sound of Adora's voice.

Catra was in such a pathetic state that she even dreamed that Adora turned her down, saying that she would rather date a flying unicorn than dating her. Go figure.

By the end of the week, when Catra’s phone finally rang, she had almost given up. She almost wished that Adora had been eaten by a giant plant gollum. She almost didn’t want Adora to call her anymore.

Oh, who am I kidding, of course she still _totally_ wanted Adora to call. In fact, she was even panting a little when she reached her phone.

“Hello?”

" _Hey!_ ” _._ A short pause. _“Uh... How are you?"_

"I'm... good, good, what about you?"

_"I'm fine, thanks. So, I think you know what this is regarding"._

"Do I?" Catra teased. "I'm glad you still remember it".

 _"Ha-ha. Were you being serious?”_ , Adora asked.

Catra’s didn’t stutter. “Yes”.

“ _Do you still mean it?_ ”

“Of course”.

Adora exhaled deeply.

“ _Okay”._

“Yeah?”

 _“Yeah”_. 

And by the way she said it, Catra was sure that Adora was smiling just as much as she was. 

“ _But we should talk first_ . _Sober, I mean. I want to do everything right this time_ ”.

“Whatever you want, princess”.

Whatever she wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm an incurable romantic.  
> And maybe I made Catra Brazilian just so she could use that cheesy pickup line. I'm not going to confirm, nor deny it, but the word you're looking for is "Saudade".
> 
> If you subscribed to this and got two e-mails, I'm sorry! I made a small confusion at the end of the chapter (the number of days Adora took before calling Catra), so I had to edit it out. 
> 
> Title credit: The Bird and the Bee - Kiss on my list (Hall & Oates cover)


	11. At your worst I still believe It's worth the fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite lesbians have their first date :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back :)
> 
> So... I had a little trouble updating this chapter, so I'm reposting. I'm sorry if you're subscribed and got two e-mails by any chance.
> 
> This chapter is extra suggary (don't we all deserve a little sugar?). I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> And feel free to share your thoughts!

_“And what do you want, Adora?”_

_“I-- Ugh, I want to be with her, to get to know her. I want… A chance to see where this could go”._

_“Oh, boy. She’s got you pretty bad, right?”_

_“Fffu-- tell me about it, it’s like she’s in my head, you know? We get alllong grrreat, she’s easy to be with and I’m sooo attracted to her, I mean the sex is… Pfffwhooa, let’s not even go there”._

_“I would much appreciate it, thanks”._

_“But it’s always been just about the sex for her. I don’t know, I just feel like a fool”._

_“Caring about someone does that sometimes, huh?”_.

_“I hate it”._

_“But you must think it is worth it, otherwise you wouldn’t be here”._

_“Well… I know there’s something therrre. At least, for me there is. But she won’t tell me if--Ugh, I’m afraid she’s just going to screw me over when she gets done with me”._

_“Mmm, I don’t know about that. Normally, she just forgets the person’s name after she sleeps with them, you know?”_

_“Gee, that’s just grrreat, Perfuba, thanks. That’s just--uh… Swell”._

_“No, what I mean is… I’m getting there, just hear me out, okay? Catra’s not prone to open up. She’s angry, defensive and she does this thing where she pushes people away when they’re getting too close. It’s such a pain. You shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of negativity”._

_“I don’t know if that was supposed to help or--”._

_“Buuut she’s been through a lot. I don’t know exactly what happened in her past, but she didn’t have it easy. I guess she had to toughen up and maybe that’s why she has a hard time trusting people and she’s so protective of herself. Of course that doesn’t justify her current behavior, but she’s not a bad person. She doesn’t strike me at someone who would play with someone else’s feelings on purpose, that’s what I mean. Also... Mmm, how do I put it?”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s just that... I’ve known Catra for a while now and I’ve never seen her talk about any girl, or at least not consistently. Except for... Well, now that I heard your side of the story, I’m guessing it was you, Adora. She never said anything specific, but if she asked you to be here today, in a party that she didn’t even want in the first place… It’s because you mean something to her. More than sex”._

_“But, Perfuba, I can’t keep running arround after her, begging for scraps until she, like, decides that she’s ready. I mean, what if she neverrr--?”._

_“I completely agree, you deserve much more than that. You both have to be ready to let the other one in”_.

_“Then what do you think I shoullld I do?”._

_“Well… You’re here, right? You can go home and sulk and eventually be over all this, or you can just… Give her a chance to explain herself. Who knows... Maybe she’ll end up surprising us both”._

The last couple of months had been particularly tough for Adora, as you know. But after a turbulent period, it seemed that the odds were finally turning in her favor again. Councilor Prime was in jail and apparently his trial was going to happen sooner rather than later. The week right after Prime’s arrest, Adora was subpoenaed as a possible witness for the prosecution and she would have her testimony taken soon. That was bound to be stressful and she would have to prepare for it, but it was nice to see that things were advancing pretty quickly.

And although Hordak had not been formally charged with any crime yet, his reputation was quickly falling downhill, thanks to the help of yet another anonymous benefactor. Prime’s arrest also contributed to Hordak's decline, as evidence suggested that Adora and Mara’s termination from the Horde Daily had been deliberately orchestrated to stifle the sexual crimes charges against the cult leader. Adora was now used to seeing his face on the news being portrayed as one of Prime’s allies and potential aid, in addition to being investigated for money laundering.

She wasn’t going to lie. 

It felt fucking fantastic to watch the tables turning.

She was even back to her weekly volleyball routine with Huntara - and how she had missed it! - and was sending her resume again, now that her name was in the process of being cleared.

Much to Glimmer’s dismay, Adora’s prospect of a romantic relationship with Starla was completely ruined, but even she had to admit that it was probably for the best - for Starla, anyways, because _how could Adora be so stupid and throw away an opportunity like that_? I’m kidding, Glimmer was fine with it. Well, she didn’t exactly approve what Adora did, of course, but in the end she was just glad they both got out before things got even more complicated.

A few days after the party fiasco, Adora and Starla talked - briefly, for the sake of closure. It went as dry and as polite as expected, which was pretty good for a breakup, especially considering how much of a jerk Adora had been. She still felt bad, by the way, and probably would for the next couple of months or so. 

Apart from that feeling of guilt, all the signs indicated that the storm would soon be over. 

But Adora could already sense something of an entirely different nature coming her way.

Because the most surprising event of that week, the one that Adora most valued and cherished, had not been Prime’s arrest or Hordak’s defeat, and it had nothing to do with volleyball or work either. 

Adora did not expect much from her conversation with Catra at Scorpia's apartment. It was already late at night, she was three-stages deep into her drunkenness scale and had just received that brutal reality check from Starla. Emotions were running high, morale was running low and she doubted that anything good could come out of it. 

Well. As we already know, it didn’t go as expected. 

And oh, how wonderful it was for Adora to learn that the unexpected could sometimes be... Perfect.

Catra’s words weren’t big, elaborate or elegant. They were simple, heartfelt and true, which was exactly what Adora needed to hear. She took those words as a gift, a token of Catra’s affection, a small glimpse of what they could be, so grateful to finally witness a side of Catra that could be tender, vulnerable and soft. She didn't think it was possible to want to kiss someone, to ravage someone, as much as she did then. 

So when Catra finally had something to offer her, how could she refuse to take it? 

Ever since she realized that she was exclusively into women, Adora had never felt so excited about a first date. And to be clear, I’m not saying this to diminish her past experiences in any way - there had definitely been girls from Adora’s past who made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. There had been crushes, platonic loves and heartbreaks. There had been sweet girls, hot girls girls who made her feel like crap; there had been great dates and lousy ones; good kissers and bad; great sex, bad sex, casual sex, make up sex, breakup sex and kinky sex; romance, flowers, movies, dinners, dancing, chocolates and tears. 

But there had only been one Catra.

So there was no doubt in her mind that she was going to say yes.

That wasn’t even a question.

After Adora gave Catra her answer, they went back to texting each other almost everyday. Conversation was kept light, but Adora took the opportunity to clear the air about some things before moving forward. For instance, they both apologized - _again_ \- for what they felt they should: Adora for choosing a lousy time to rush into a conversation for which none of them were ready; Catra for treating Adora like shit (her choice of words, not mine) and throwing her out the door. They also agreed that they should take things slow this time, and that they _both_ seriously needed to work on their communication skills. 

Finally - I mean, finally!! -, they arranged to meet on a Sunday afternoon, in one of Adora’s favorite spots in all Etheria: Dryl’s tiny food street fair, two weeks after Catra’s birthday party. After a little reluctance, Glimmer agreed to lend her car to Adora just to keep things simpler in case they had to change their plans for any particular reason. “Just try keep the seats clean this time, please”, her friend said with a knowing smile, in a reference to the other time that she had lent her car to Adora for, uh, romantic purposes. I really don't need to get into much detail there, do I? I think you can picture it just fine.

“Don’t worry, I will”, Adora replied, confident about her plan to take things slow in the carnal department, as she still had some very legitimate concerns about Catra’s emotional availability. 

Up until that point, their relationship had been based on their mutual attraction. Adora wanted to make sure that Catra would still be interested if sex was not such an essencial part of the equation, if she was open to having anything other than a purely physical relationship. 

Of course, that also depended on _her_ ability to keep her hands off Catra if they found themselves alone between four walls. So choosing a public location for their first date was a part of a deliberate strategy to keep things chaste. 

Adora arrived in Dryl a little earlier than scheduled. The food stalls were scattered along the streets and sidewalks, serving many different kinds of tiny food - and her mouth watered when she saw a batch of tiny hamburgers being served. The fair was busy, but not too crowded or noisy to become an inconvenience. Adora chose a table next to the tiny scone stall, as it was quieter and a little more private.

She was texting Glimmer and Bow to distract her thoughts when she spotted Catra coming her way and felt her heart racing.

Okay. So this was really happening.

Catra was simply stunning. She was wearing long linen shorts, her both hands in her pockets, a white tank top under her _freaking hot_ suspenders; her beautiful brown curls falling over her cheeks; her mismatched eyes flickering in the sunlight. Adora held her breath in excitement, standing up to greet her, unable to prevent a big, dopey grin from taking over her face. 

“Hey!” Her voice was covered with warmth. “You look… Gorgeous”. And as a hug might have been too intrusive and a kiss was probably too daring, Adora chose to gently stroke Catra’s bare arm with the tip of her fingers, gripping her wrist just slightly before letting it go. 

“Thank you”. Catra said, as if she was not expecting such a praise. “You--uh, you don't look so bad yourself. Hi”. She took a seat and exhaled.

Adora was nervous, but not really in a bad way - it was more of a thrill, a rush of excitement that made her palms sweat and her mind feel giddy. Catra, on the other hand, was still adjusting. She was quieter than usual, a little stiff even, her hands still stuck in her short’s pocket, and Adora suspected that she was probably a hundred times more uneasy than she could ever be. 

She smiled to herself.

It’s funny how two people who had seen each other naked, who had exchanged touches so intimate, who had said such explicit and obscene lines into each other’s ears, could feel so intimidated by each other’s presences when fully clothed and away from a bed. 

“So, would you like something to drink? We have to take our orders at the counter, but I think I have their app to check the menu, hold on”. Adora said absently taking her phone from her pocket.

“Yeah, sure”, Catra replied, shifting awkwardly on her seat as Adora studied her cell phone screen attentively.

“I’m gonna get a banana smoothie, I think, but there are other flavors… Oh, they have iced tea, too, do you li--”. And just when she looked up to ask something of major importance regarding her taste for iced tea, Adora was completely disarmed by the sight of Catra twirling a flower in her fingers.

“Not a corsage, but hey”. Catra said modestly as she placed the flower on the table. 

There was no way Adora’s smile would leave her face now. She took the flower in her hand and gripped the stern tightly, completely smitten by so much tenderness. 

“Thank you. It’s beautiful”. She put the flower in the front pocket of her overalls, close to her chest.

“Nah, it’s nothing. I took it from that plant Perfuma gave to me”, Catra confessed.

“I _love_ it”. She bit her lip. “Now I feel like I owe you that drink, I didn’t get you anything”. 

“Uh… A raspberry iced tea then”, Catra chuckled with a blush on her face, still awkward. 

“Coming right away”.

A few minutes later, Adora returned to the table with both their drinks, “There you go”, she said, placing Catra’s iced tea next to her on the table and _just then_ noticing something about the specific shorts that Catra was wearing.

“Mmm! _Those_ shorts are cute, where did you get them?” Adora said nonchalantly, throwing Catra a casual smirk and raising an eyebrow while taking a long sip of her smoothie. 

“ _Ha-ha_ ”, Catra smiled, catching Adora’s hint and letting the tension vanish from her face. “Thank you, by the way”.

“Don’t mention it. It’s only fair, since I ruined that other one”.

“Oh, my God”. Catra laughed, acting much more like herself now. “Oh, my God! Did you seriously just say that?!” 

“I mean--I kind of owed it to you already, so it shouldn’t even count as an official gift”.

Catra shot her a teasing look. “Interesting, does that mean there’s another one coming, then?”

"Maybe". Fun fact: In the middle of Adora's brief panic attack to choose a suitable present for Catra, she considered buying two gifts, just in case she changed her mind in the nick of time - a totally normal and not at all obsessive idea. Let’s continue. “You’re gonna have to give me a little more to go on, though, you are not really one to overshare”. 

“You’re holding my official birthday gift hostage in exchange for personal information?”.

“Your _hypothetical_ official gift, let’s not forget”.

“Whatever, I don’t negotiate with terrorists”.

“Fine, suit yourself. But just so you know, picking out the perfect gifts happens to be one of my many secret talents". Adora said, wearing her signature smug smirk.

“Not really a secret if you’re telling me all about it, princess”.

“I think I can trust you with that information, since you brought me a flower and all”.

Catra smiled, shaking her head lightly. “You’re so dumb, did you know that?” 

“And yet, you were the one who asked me out on a date”. 

“I don’t know, we just got here… I could still change my mind”.

“Would you--” Adora’s confidence wavered and she stuttered. “Uh, do you think you can change your mind?”.

“See?”. Catra said, taking her index finger to Adora’s forehead and placing it right between her eyes; the unexpected physical contact startling her. “Dumb”.

***

A few batches of tiny hamburgers and scones later - most of which were devoured by Adora - they began strolling down the sidewalk to check out the antique shops. The sun was almost setting behind Dryl's pass, the streets were peaceful and Adora’s chest was filled with warmth. 

“This is one of my favorite places in Etheria”, she confessed.

“I noticed your enthusiasm. You would get along great with Entrapta, then”.

“Entrapta? I don’t think I met her”. Adora said as she tripped over her untied shoelaces. “Ow!” Catra grabbed her arm to keep her from falling. "Nice reflexes, thank you".

“Don’t mention it. Anyway, I think Entrapta was at the club on the night we met”.They stopped next to one of the stores so Adora could tie her shoes and Catra could have a smoke. 

“You don’t remember? Gee, great friend, alright”, Adora teased.

“My mind was focused on other things, as you may recall”. Catra said, biting her lower lip and shooting Adora a look that made her feel grateful for already being on her knees. “She was also at my party, but she arrived a little after you left. Well, the thing is, she’s crazy about tiny food”.

“She has good taste then. I loved coming here when I first moved from Eternia”. 

“You’re from Eternia?” Catra said, taking a drag of her cigarette. “I didn’t know that”.

Eternia was a wealthy suburb a few miles away from Etheria. It was a town best known for its green lawns, its white picket fences and its highly conservative - a.k.a hypocritical - values. Not the greatest place for Adora to grow up in, yeah. But she couldn’t entirely dismiss her rich background when she benefited from its privileges - such as owning her own apartment at such a young age.

“Yeah, I guess it didn’t come up”. Adora said, getting up from her knees. 

“So you _are_ a princess after all”. Catra noted playfully. 

As they passed one of the antique shops, Catra’s attention was drawn to a beautiful - and very expensive - camera in the window. She approached it to take a closer look.

“It’s not a big deal, though”, Adora continued. “I moved here when I started college, then I got a job at the Horde right after I graduated… And that was it”.

“Do you ever think about going back there?” 

“Oh, no. Not in a million years”. Adora stated emphatically. “There’s nothing for me there”. She joined Catra by the window, marvelled at the way her eyes clung to the camera. "Do you want to go inside?" She asked, placing her hand on Catra's shoulder. 

“Uh--No, not really”. Catra shot a look at Adora’s hand, a little suspicious before getting comfortable under her touch. “I used to have a camera just like that one when I was a kid”. 

“Really? You don’t look _that_ old”, Adora teased.

“Look at you, so fucking hilarious”, She replied, tilting her chin in Adora's direction, their faces so close to one another that she could feel Catra's breath dancing on her lips. “It was -- uh, my grandfather’s. When I, uh-- When I moved out, I didn’t take it with me and then I never bothered to come back. I forgot all about it”. Adora smiled to herself, kindly taking in that small piece of personal information Catra was willing to give her. “What about your family, don’t you visit?”

“Mmm?” She asked, a little distracted as she started drawing circles on Catra's shoulder with her thumb.

“In Eternia, I mean. Don’t you go back for Thanksgiving, Christmas or whatever?”.

“Oh”, Here came _that_ unexpected and super awkward part of the conversation. She removed her hand from Catra’s shoulder, a little flustered. “No, uh... My parents died in a car crash in Krytis four years ago”. 

Catra’s body clenched in. She looked at Adora with wide eyes, scratching her neck in embarrassment. 

“Shit, Adora, I’m so sorry. Fuck. I had no idea”. 

“It’s okay, really. It doesn’t bug me that much anymore. I have Glimmer and Bow and their parents and I don’t mind talking about it”. Catra threw her a skeptical look. “I _mean_ it, don’t worry, you’re good. _I’m_ good”.

Despite her reassuring tone, Catra didn’t relax all at once. Instead, her expression shifted from shame into a kind of sadness that Adora could recognize. It was not just sympathy, it was not pity, it was _understandment_. Adora realized, then, that Catra had also experienced that same kind of loss. 

She felt a strong urge to comfort her, protect her, but she refrained.

Barely.

“Hey, do you want to go check out the other stores?”, Adora said, reaching out her arm in an invitation for Catra to come near her again. To her pleasant surprise, Catra took it, almost letting her head fall on the blonde’s shoulder. Adora put her arm around her as they started walking together along the sidewalk. “Hey, did I ever tell you about my first date?”

“No, but I can’t wait to hear all about _that_ loser”.

“Okay, but you have to be nice”, Adora chuckled.

“I can’t make such a promise”.

***

It was already dark when Adora took a turn at Catra’s street to drop her off at her place, silently thanking Glimmer for lending her the car for the night. Without noticing, Adora and Catra had spent the whole evening together, and Adora even learned a thing or two about Catra’s past. That was more than enough reason for her to consider their first date as a resounding success. 

Now came the hard part. 

As the evening progressed, Catra gradually went from shy and soft to her shameless, devious self. So their sweet and light moments were often contrasted by Catra’s not at all subtle attempts to make Adora blush with casual touches and cheeky looks. But they were in public at all times, so they couldn’t really engage in public displays of affection. 

But now that they were alone, Adora wasn’t sure she would be able to keep pretending that she wasn’t feeling Catra’s nails stroking her side, absently riding her waist with her fingers, moving up close to her breast.

How much of a regular first date could it be, when Adora already knew how good Catra sounded when she was about to come or how amazing it felt to grind her hips against her mouth? Adora bit her lower lip, trying to remember her reasons for taking this slow in the first place.

The street was empty when she parked the car, Catra’s fingers caressing her stomach. She shifted her position on her seat, breaking the contact as she could feel herself blushing. “So? How was it?”

“Best date I’ve ever had”, Catra teased, keeping her hands to herself now. “But then again, I don’t have anything to compare it with”.

Adora scoffed and her face turned into a pout. “You have some nerve”.

“I’m kidding! I had a great time”, Catra said with a genuine smile. “And how did I go? Did I pass?” She took off her seatbelt and turned her body over to Adora’s side, holding her gaze as she brought her face closer, inches away from her lips. She smirked, as if she was waiting for Adora, almost daring her, to make a move.

“Mmm, there’s always room for improvement”, Adora whispered, leaning in with her eyes closed. 

When their lips touched, Adora’s body trembled. It felt a little as if it was their first kiss all over again, but completely different at the same time. They were no strangers to each other’s mouth, of course, but there was something unprecedented about that kiss, so deep and soft, so filled with a different kind of warmth. It lasted until they both needed to catch their breath, Adora's hand tugging Catra's suspenders while Catra's rested on her waist.

“So? Was that better?”, Catra replied, stroking Adora’s hip with her thumb, her fingers already trying to find their way inside Adora’s shirt.

“You aced it”. Adora smiled, pulling Catra closer to kiss her throat before her lips made their way back to Catra’s mouth.The kiss was hungrier this time, and Adora felt her insides turning with need. When they parted, she was panting. 

“Good”, Catra said with a sassy grin on her face and a familiar _look_ that almost burned Adora’s resolve - and her clothes - into the ground. “We can still practice, if you want. We have all night”.

Adora smiled, using her arms to gently push Catra away, increasing the distance between them, her face completely flushed by now. “Uuuugh”. She grunted in frustration. “You should get home, now. And so do I”, she managed to say.

“You’re not going to come up?”. 

Adora chuckled. “Did you think I was going to put out on our first date? I’m a woman of principles. I meant it when I said that we should take things slow”.

Catra smiled. “Does that really matter to you? The sex, I mean”

“Considering the way we met and everything that followed… Yeah, it kind of does”. Adora said, taking Catra’s hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles. “I just want to make sure that we’re not rushing into this again”. 

“Isn’t it a little too late for that?” She teased.

“Indulge me, okay? Some other night, perhaps”. 

“Mmmm… It sucks, I’ll tell you that. But if that’s what you need, I’m cool. I just… You know, feel bad for you”, She dropped nonchalantly. 

“You do, huh? And why is that?” Adora said, taking the bait. 

“Because you’re gonna have such a hard time trying to keep your hands off me, I don’t know how you’re going to take it”, Catra teased. “I almost feel sorry for you, really”.

Adora burst into laughter. “ _Wow_ , I’m impressed Glimmer’s car was big enough for you _and_ your ego. Listen, smartass, I can hold my own, _you’re_ the one who was always trying to get physical instead of talking”. 

“Am I, though? If I recall, _you’re_ the perv who kissed me and got all hot and bothered _in a public bathroom_ ”. 

“Hah-Oh, no--Hah! You have to be kidding me!” Adora snorted in exaggerated outrage “Okay, let’s not forget that _you_ started this whole thing by asking me out no more than ten minutes after you met me”.

“Oh, sure, like you didn’t want to fuck me from the moment you laid your pretty blue eyes on me”. Well, she had a fair point. “Admit it, princess, you can’t resist me”. Catra said, her mouth almost glued to Adora’s ear, her sultry voice succeeding in making Adora’s body squirm against the seat. “I’ll have you’ll be climbing up the walls in less than five dates”.

Adora was almost giving in, but something Catra said caught her attention.

“Wait. Five dates?”. Adora asked a little skeptically. Was she planning that far ahead already?

“Shit, I was hoping you wouldn’t catch that”. Catra said, rolling her eyes as Adora smiled in triumph. 

“You're on!”. 

“What?” Catra asked, not entirely sure where she had just gotten herself into.

“You said I can’t handle five dates without having sex. You're on”.

Catra chuckled. “You’re such a dork”.

“And yet you’re the one who just asked me on four more dates”.

When Adora came home that night, her lips were swollen, her legs were numb, her underwear was a mess. But she was still smiling when she closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of the unexpected ahead of her, the blue flower hanging on her nightstand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title credit: Angel Olsen - Shut up and kiss me


	12. It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second date, fluff, comfort and some other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again :)
> 
> I hope you're doing okay!
> 
> I bring you date number 2. 
> 
> May I just say that I purposefuly made this chapter longer than average, basically because I gave Adora two chapters in a row a few weeks back and I felt that I had to be fair with Catra.
> 
> Another thing: last chapter (#11), for some reason, I wrote "Kryll" where it was supposed to be "Dryl". I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. Anyway, it's fixed now.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this! I love it when I get your comments :) (yes, this is me asking for you to post more comments, if you feel like it, obviously).
> 
> CW: Mild violence, hate speech
> 
> CW: Suggary content (yes, again :))

Catra took her pack of cigarettes from the nightstand and headed for the balcony, promptly being followed by her new roommate. She still needed some getting used to the feline presence in her apartment, ruining her furniture and waking her up at night, but she was slowly warming up to the small creature that curled up in a ball at her feet every time they went to sleep. 

Adopting a pet wasn’t exactly on her plans - or more like _not at all_. But when Catra returned home the other day, still processing her thoughts after her first date with Adora, she found the cat sniffing at her door, begging for food, no collar or name tag on it. The next day, she asked around the building and tried to locate the cat's owners, only to find that it belonged to her former neighbors - and when I say _former_ , I mean as: they had moved out and left the cat behind.

To say that this revelation made Catra angry was an understatement. She got so furious that she was kind of relieved that no one in the building had their new address, otherwise she would not be responsible for her actions. But because she was no stranger to the feeling of abandonment, the idea of leaving the cat to its own luck - or finding someone else to take care of it, for that matter - never even crossed her mind. 

Almost two weeks had passed since then, and the impact it had on Catra’s routine was visible. The windows in her apartment were now cat proof, there were toys scattered around the apartment, there was fur on all her clothes and her chest was covered with scratch marks. But the most significant change wasn’t tangible - and the cat had not been the only one responsible for it.

Throughout her life, Catra had always felt that she was on her own and all aspects of her life somehow reflected that perception. For instance, she hated team sports, but thrived on individual ones. She never joined clubs or applied herself to group assignments, even when it meant getting a grade below her intellectual skills. Her disdain for all kinds of collective activities was so strong that one her favorite hobbies was to play pranks on jocks and cheerleaders.

When she started being regarded as her school’s _troublemaker_ , a _bad girl_ , she kind of welcomed it. Being a good girl never paid off, not really. Nothing she ever did was worthy of praise - even when her grades were excellent or when she got first place at the tracks. By embracing the bad girl persona, she managed to keep people away and _still_ get noticed. When her hormones started to kick in, she also benefited from the fact that some people found that type particularly attractive – and then she learned that there were _some_ kinds of human connections that could be extremely rewarding.

Scorpia was her first close friend, more like a sister – the one who showed her that _family_ could mean something entirely different than what she had previously experienced. Then came Entrapta, Lonnie, even dumbface Kyle, and she began to understand the appeal of having people around her. Eventually, making friends became easier. 

But having friends was one thing. Actually allowing herself to be vulnerable, _expecting_ something from people and being emotionally responsible for anyone other than her, that was something _else_.

For such a long time, she convinced herself that it wasn’t something that she wanted. She thought that she wasn't even capable of it – as if she was somehow broken.

And now there she was, buying cat food and daydreaming about her next date with Adora, two things she never deemed to be possible no more than a year ago. 

It wasn’t easy, though. Trust wasn’t something that came naturally for her - she didn’t even choose a name for the cat (although Scorpia gave her a huge list of options, if you must know), for fear of becoming too attached to it. She also had been the bad girl for so long, that she wasn’t sure if she had anything good left in her to give. 

But for some reason, Adora seemed to believe that she did. Apparently, the cat too.

The strange thing was, this time, Catra wanted them to be right. For the first time in her life, she wanted to be _better_ \- and not for her own sake, but for them.

As she took a drag of her cigarette, eyes glued to the ocean, she let her thoughts linger, nuzzling into the memory of those last, hurried kisses in Adora’s - _scratch that_ \- Glimmer’s car. Before she could realize, she was smiling like an idiot. Her cheeks burned in anticipation of what would happen between them tonight, the night of their second date. 

For that night, Catra got to pick the location and she purposefully had chosen a dimly lit restaurant where they could have some privacy, despite being in public, in contrast to their first encounter. 

Her intentions were not entirely noble, though. Because Catra wanting to be a better person wouldn’t stop her from being just a little bit bad along the way. She was still _her_ , after all.

At first, she didn’t see much of a point to the idea of delaying her own pleasure - or Adora’s pleasure, even. But she could relate to Adora’s lack of trust in their new terms, since she was also filled with her own fears and reservations. So, she intended to respect those boundaries.

But now that they had turned that wait into a challenge... Well, let’s just say that she planned to make it as difficult as possible for Adora. Torturous, even.

By now, Catra knew too well how to push Adora’s buttons, how to make her nervous, how to tease her and drive her to the edge with a single look, word or whisper. It was delicious to hear Adora’s heavy breaths over the phone at night, as Catra _purred_ the details about her day and managed to turn every conversation they had into foreplay. 

“Are you still there, princess?”, she would ask nonchalantly, after stating something simple like ‘ _by the way, I had a dream about you’,_ ‘ _I’m covered with scratch marks, you should see’_ or ‘ _it’s so hot today, I showered four times’_ , never failing to get the exact reaction she was looking for once Adora took the bait.

“Y-Yeah, _ahem_ , Yes, I-I’m listening”.

“How’s that bet working out for you?”

And Adora’s chuckle would tickle Catra’s ear. “I know what you’re doing… It’s not going to work”.

“Is that right? From the sound of your voice, I think it already has”, she would say, clawing at the edge of her bed or touching her neck as if her hand were Adora’s lips placing kisses on her bare skin. 

“Mmmm…” Adora would say, and Catra would feel her legs heating up just by imagining what exactly the blonde was doing to herself on the other end of the line. “Are we still on for this weekend?”

“Wouldn’t miss it”. By the time they hung up the phone, Catra would wonder about how far gone into this she already was. She tried to make their little game about the sex, as usual, but in the end, she knew there was much more to it. She wanted to be the only person who could turn Adora into that giant, dumb mess, the only one who could make her feel weak in the knees and take care of her afterwards. 

She chuckled and shook her head, feeling giddy at the memory of how gorgeous Adora looked when she climaxed, how perfect it was to have her whole, gladly taking everything Catra had to give. And that laugh, that amazing laugh that filled Catra’s chest with warmth when they were lying on her kitchen’s floor, their limbs still tangled as Adora tried to catch her breath, red-faced and limp from Catra’s ministrations. Catra wanted to earn that laugh, to be worthy of it, for as long as she possibly could. 

For now, though, there were photos to be edited and lunch to be made, so Catra had to brush those thoughts away. She turned her head, and caught the cat staring at her, a critical look on his face as he rested absently at the porch table, leaning against the plant's pot.

“What the fuck are _you_ looking at?”, she asked, cocking an eyebrow at the feline. 

The cat jumped to the floor and started to rub himself against Catra’s ankles and legs, stretching his head to nibble gently on her knee.

“ _Yeah_ , I know”, Catra crouched to pet him. “No need to rub it in my face”.

*****

The restaurant was nicer than the places that Catra used to go to, a little too fancy and conventional for her taste, but she liked how the tables were spread out far away from each other, which would give her and Adora just enough privacy. It was a typical Salinean place - seafood was Catra's favorite - and she had come across it in a previous work appointment. There was an oyster and wine bar and Catra planned to make a lot of jokes about how oysters were known to be a great aphrodisiac, because of course she was not much of a grown-up to be in that situation. 

She had the whole evening figured out: she would tease Adora relentlessly, get her worked up with purposeful yet _accidental_ touches, then find an opportunity for them to be alone. Then she would put her husky voice to good use, whispering in Adora’s ear until it drove her crazy, until she couldn’t resist the urge to kiss her, guiding Catra’s hands between her legs, begging her to--

"So, did you give the cat a name already?" Adora asked, sitting down in front of Catra and bringing her mind back to the restaurant.

“ _Fuck_ , you scared me, don’t do tha--”. Catra’s attention was pulled to the red dress that Adora was wearing, then down to her cleavage. “Uuuh…”

It took Catra less than a second to recognize the dress - the dress Adora wore the first time they met, the first piece of clothing she had the pleasure of taking off her body. She knew what that wardrobe choice meant - it meant that Adora also wanted to play.

Game on, then.

Catra cleared her throat and swallowed hard, trying to keep her face from showing any resemblance of surprise, her lips trembling a little just before they turned into a malicious smile. She took her time tracing Adora’s lean figure with her eyes, carefully studying every curve, wondering what it would be like to press her against the bathroom door, kiss her, touch her and _tease_ her until she admitted defeat.

“Well? Aren’t you going to say hello?”, Adora said playfully, that smug, obnoxious smile on her face.

“Hey, Adora”.

Well, I probably don’t need to tell you that this shameful mating ritual went on and on for a _long_ _while_. Catra flirted, Adora took her baits. They ordered their drinks and appetizers, and Catra took every opportunity she found to tease Adora and get her flustered.

Adora would bite her lip and clench at her seat, blushed and giggly, but she never asked Catra to stop. No, what she was doing was quite the opposite. She was staring at Catra's lips with heavy eyelids, absently roaming her fingers through her own neck and cleavage, her face turning red and her breath getting heavier by the minute.

Catra knew what that meant, she had seen Adora like that too many times before.

It meant there was no way she was going to lose that pointless, stupid, ridiculous but _also_ _very important_ bet.

They were at their second glass of wine when the main course arrived, and the alcohol was starting to kick in. Both were getting a little more handsy, pulling their chairs a little closer to one another, Catra leaning in to whisper in Adora’s ear from over her menu, making Adora giggle with the tickle of her breath.

Catra decided it was okay to be bolder. She slid her foot from her shoe and her toes went searching for Adora’s leg under the table. The first contact was soft. All Adora did was get a little stiff and glance at her with a hungry look. Then Catra’s foot started moving up. It found Adora’s calf, then her knee, then her thigh, then-- 

“Heeeey, _haha_ \-- So, I’m gonna…” Adora said abruptly, panting and blushing. “I-I need, uh, I-I need to go freshen up”, she concluded, getting up in such a hurry that she almost bumped her leg on the table.

“Take your time”, Catra sang, with a grin of triumph and confidence in her face. 

I think you can imagine what happened next.

Catra waited for a solid minute before following Adora to the bathroom, locking the door behind her after checking to see if they were alone. Adora smiled, a knowing look on her face, as if she was expecting Catra to come after her.

“You’re playing dirty, you know”, she said as Catra approached her. “I should give you a warning”.

“Oh, like you didn’t wear that dress on purpose”, Catra replied, moving towards Adora but making sure to keep some distance between them. She wanted Adora to make a move. “Just a little harmless fun to spice things up”.

Adora rolled her eyes and scoffed. “You think you’re _sooo_ irresistible, don’t you?”. 

“Well, you’re here, so… _Yeah_ , I do. Besides, you’re the one who said that you don’t trust yourself when you’re near me”. 

“Mmm… I _did_ say that, didn’t I?”. 

Catra nodded and smirked, leaning towards Adora. “Come on, let me take care of you, I can give you what you need”. Her finger pads were now roaming Adora’s arm, going up to her shoulder and neckline.

Adora leaned into her touch, biting her bottom lip. “You know what I think? I think you’re the one who’s dying to get your hands on me”.

“Well, it’s just that I can’t _bear_ to see you like this, all worked up”. She cupped Adora’s chin and stroked it gently, Adora leaned her head into her touch and kissed her palm.

“Alright”, Adora said, plunging forward, eliminating any remaining distance between them. Catra could see her flushed chest rising and falling with her heavy breathing. "Let's get this over with, then".

Without further warning, she pulled Catra into a kiss, so rough and filled with need, so urgent and sudden that it took Catra’s breath away. She gasped for air as Adora’s left hand pulled her hair, nails digging into her scalp, Adora’s right arm tight around her back, holding her close to keep her from losing balance - which she nearly did.

All night long, Catra was so busy trying to get under Adora's skin that she didn't realize how turned on _she_ was getting. Now that it was happening, she needed more contact, more of Adora's flesh, more of her tongue, just _more_. Adora's hands were all over her, cupping her tits, scratching her back, gripping her hair, it was all too delicious for her not to give in.

So she surrendered, feeling her self-control dissolving into Adora’s strong grip. It didn’t matter if they were in a public place, it didn’t matter if the night was just beginning. She had been dreaming about it for weeks – she couldn’t wait any minute longer. A soft gasp escaped her throat and she barely held herself together when Adora made mention of sliding one thigh between her legs.

She pressed her lips into Adora’s mouth to muffle her whimpers, hot breath on her mouth, hands under her shirt, a rush of warmth between her legs. Her hips jerked forward, her sensitive spot already desperate for friction, her entire body contracting, shaking, demanding release. She started to rock herself against Adora’s thigh, trying to suppress her moans from getting loud as--

And then, just like that, there was nothing - all contact was taken away from her. No more kisses, no arm around her, no thigh between her legs. Catra opened her eyes in confusion, her mind hazy, her clit throbbing with distinctive outrage. 

And a _very cocky_ Adora grinning at her.

 _Fuck_. So that is what this was about. 

“You were saying?” Adora said, clearly amused with her ability to turn Catra into a whimpering idiot.

“That… Was just… _Mean_ ”, Catra managed to say breathlessly. Adora chuckled.

“You’ve had it coming”. She said, kissing Catra’s lips one last time. “ _Now_ , can we go back to our date, please?”.

Catra laughed, still panting, frustrated and _so fucking_ horny.

“Okay. But this… This doesn’t prove anything”, She said, her voice full of arousal and embarrassment at having lost at her own game. 

“Don’t be a sore loser”, Adora said, giggling as she placed a kiss on Catra’s cheek. “Come on, I’m starving”.

“I should-- Uh… I should wash my face”.

“Sure”, Adora simpered. “Take your time”.

Then she left Catra all alone, to pick herself up from a puddle of hot goo on the floor, her knees still trembling.

Oh, well.

She was definitely taking care of that by herself later.

****

Catra knew when it was time to admit defeat and she had to hand that one to Adora – she won that round. So, after that minor and disconcerting setback, Catra resigned herself and decided to let the evening take its course, too ashamed to even try anything else.

But now that sex was off the table, there was nowhere else for her to hide.

There were no other intrusive touches, no more jokes or innuendos for the rest of their dinner. But there were Adora's tender strokes on her wrist and the sweet look in her eyes whenever Catra said something funny. There was the way Adora touched her own neck, absently tugging the lock of hair that escaped her ponytail. There were fingers intertwined and chaste kisses when no one was looking; and Adora being sneaky and trying to steal food from her plate.

Those things, those little things, were far more dangerous than any kind of kink.

Catra could handle aggressive flirting just fine.

It was tenderness that unsettled her.

They talked about their week. Adora told her how exhausting the deposition sessions for Prime’s trial had been. “The defense has no case”, she explained, “they’re trying to use my deposition to fish for information about my source, so they can find a way to discredit the evidence that was released to me - well, I mean, to the press”.

Then Catra described Scorpia's effusive reaction the first time she saw the cat. “Poor cat never saw her coming”, she said, laughing at the memory of the kitten running desperately around the house, trying to avoid another hug. After that, they spend nearly ten minutes studying Scorpia’s list with name suggestions for the new pet – _Peekablue_ and _Lookee_ were among Adora’s favorites, but she also rooted for _Swiftwind_ , while Catra rolled her eyes.

Things started to get more personal. Adora told her what it was like to grow up in a conservative and repressive environment like Eternia. And although the suburb was vastly different from the neighborhood Catra grew up in, she could relate to Adora's feelings of inadequacy as a child.

Her parents' love came at a heavy price - she had to follow their rules, be the person that _they_ wanted her to be. Catra knew how that felt – she had lived it too. But while Adora had tried to fit the mold of royalty, Catra gave up any attempt. While Adora put every extra effort to be worthy of their love, Catra simply stopped caring.

Still, it was interesting to learn that, despite all their differences, they had that common. It gave her another perspective about her past, about her experiences, about the kind of person that she turned out to be. It made her feel less broken. Or not broken at all.

In small steps, Catra allowed herself to talk about her own personal experiences - and, surprisingly, it felt okay. Liberating, even. She didn’t give Adora much information, limiting herself to vague remarks like ‘ _I know what that’s like’_ , ‘ _I didn’t have friends in high school’_ or ‘ _my mom was a religious homophobic bitch’_ , but that was progress. For the first time in an awfully long while, that wound didn’t hurt as much – even when she referred to her mother using the past tense. 

The merits for that improvement were all Adora’s. She had a way of making her feel comfortable, so much that Catra _wanted_ to open up. She didn’t push, she didn’t pressure, she just listened. Her undemanding nature accepted anything Catra had to give her, no questions asked. 

She laughed to the verge of tears when Catra told her about how one time she stole a frog from her biology class and put it in the head cheerleader's locker, or how she took the virginity of the quarterback’s girlfriend on a dare.

And the way she looked at Catra, like she mattered, like she was worthy of praise, like she was special. 

"Your exhibit is coming up, are you excited?"

"It’s not my exhibit, dummy, it’s just one picture in a collective show”.

“Well, it’s _your_ exhibit to me”.

Dessert came, then the check, then it was time to go. Neither of them was ready for that, so they started to walk down the sidewalk, a little buzzed from all the wine, their bodies close together to keep warm under the moonlight.

Unlike Mystacor, Salineas was a wild beach – good for surfers, not much for swimmers. So, it usually wasn’t crowded. Now that it was a little later in the evening, the beach was almost completely deserted, which gave them a totally different kind of privacy. They went to the boardwalk to watch the waves crashing on the shore, Adora was telling Catra about the last time she came there with Glimmer, Bow, Mermista and her boyfriend to watch them surf.

Well, to be honest, according to Adora’s version, Mermista did the surfing and Seahawk just made a fool of himself.

While they walked and talked, Catra started taking pictures of everything that she wanted to savor about that perfect night. The full moon, the sea, the waves, the rocks, the sand… Adora. Adora laughing, grimacing, sticking her tongue out. Adora staring at her with those eyes, those tender blue eyes that were the reason for Catra’s undoing. In all her photos, Adora was never looking at the camera – she was looking at Catra, a realization that made her heart feel full once again.

Although Catra even posted some photos on her Instagram feed – immediately, actually – she decided those pictures of Adora would be for her eyes only. She was fiddling with her phone, trying to choose a picture of the ocean to post on the app, when a man approached them. 

“Excuse me, hello”, he said to Adora. “Aren’t you that reporter, Adora something?”

Catra saw that Adora went a little stiff, but she didn’t understand why at first. Her reaction made Catra’s heart pound and her entire body became alert. By instinct, she held onto her phone without locking it.

“Sorry, I think you’re mistaking me with someone else”, she said, grabbing Catra by the arm and taking a step back. “Good evening”.

“It _is_ you”, he said, cornering them. “Yeah, I know your face! Tell me: why did you print all those lies, Adora? Did you know that you put an innocent man in jail?”.

One of Prime's followers, Catra guessed. She checked their surroundings – there was no one else there at the time. The boardwalk wasn’t dark or shady, but they were far away from the nearest security post and there were almost no cars passing on the street. If that man tried anything, they would be on their own.

Adora raised both hands in a conciliatory gesture. 

“I just did my job, sir”, She calmly said, as if she was already used to that sort of approach – that thought made Catra feel a very distinctive twinge of anger. She pulled Catra by the hand and tried to walk past him, but he kept staying on their way.

“Prime is a man of God, missy. You should be ashamed of yourself”. He said, cornering them as they tried to pass once again. “God is angry at you now, do you know that? You should be _ashamed_ ”.

Did Adora take crap like that all the time? What Catra was feeling right now didn’t qualify as anger, rage or fury – it was much more than that. Bile rose on her throat, her blood boiled, her free hand turned into a fist. She was so _livid_ she didn’t even have time to feel afraid, taken by a strong feeling of protection towards Adora.

“Sir, excuse us, please”, Adora said, clearly trying to remain calm. “We were just going home”.

“You think you’re so important now, don’t you? So famous? You’re disgusting”. Catra saw Adora rolling her eyes and taking long, deep breaths. “You may be laughing now, but you're going to _burn in hell_ ”, he was getting more and more aggravated.

If he decided to hurt Adora, there would be no one watching. Texting someone for help would take too long, calling the cops too. Catra had to do something _fast_.

She quickly glanced at her phone, still unlocked. Her Instagram feed flashed on the screen and a thought occurred.

“Okay, I think I’ve heard enough”. Adora replied, her face red with anger. “ _Back off_ ”. She tried to walk past him, but he cornered her again.

“Adora…” Catra started to say.

“Glory be to Prime”, he shouted, angrily pointing a finger at Adora's face – and that made Catra wish she could break that finger in half. He continued to yell a bunch of nonsensical religious bullshit, raising his voice at each word. And then--“ _I hope someone has the gut to shoot you in the head, you whore_ _”_.

And that was the last straw. 

“Did you just threaten her?”

A risky - crazy, _crazy_ \- idea crossed Catra’s mind. She pointed her camera to the man and pressed the “live stream” button on Instagram. She saw the panic building in Adora’s eyes, but that wasn’t going to stop her – she was too _mad_ to respond to reason. “Catra, _don’t_!”

“Why don’t you tell that to the camera, you _fucking asshole_?” Catra said, separating from Adora and keeping a safe distance from him to frame his face on the screen. He turned his attention to Catra, then to Adora, shifting his body from side to side, his big dumb brain probably confused about what he should do next.

“Catra!” Adora shouted.

“No, Adora, let’s show everyone how much of an _asshole_ this guy is”. Catra said, circling him. She noticed that some of her friends were already joining the stream. “Hey, you guys! I’m in Salineas and this _creep_ was saying some _very nice things_ to us. You’re _live_ , idiot, so if you try anything, there are witnesses now”.

“You turn that camera off, this doesn’t concern you”, he yelled, trying to reach out to Catra.

Messages from Catra's confused friends began to appear on her cell phone screen.

> _Scorpia: ?????????? Is this a stunt?_
> 
> _Kyle: heeeey whats up yall_
> 
> _Lonnie: oh my god i think this is serious_
> 
> _Entrapta: Ok, wait a minute everyone i’m gonna look this guy up_

“Turn it off!”, he shouted again, more loudly this time.

“ _Awwww_ , he’s being shy!”. Catra made sure to use her best taunting tone to get him off Adora. “Not so tough with an audience, huh? We have your face now, _asshole_ , just go home before I show this to the police”.

> _Scorpia: I’M COMING FOR YOU WILDCAT!!!!_
> 
> _Entrapta: Found him! his name is Tung Lashor (???)_
> 
> _Lonnie: im calling the cops_
> 
> _Entrapta: i’ll text you with their exact location right now, Lonnie_
> 
> _Kyle: whats going on_

“You’re going to regret this!” He shouted as he charged at her, trying to reach for her phone. Thanks to her dexterity, Catra dodged his advances and he almost fell forward, but that was close.

“Just _go away_ ”, Adora pleaded, getting in the middle of them.

“Yeah, go away, _jackass_ ”, she mocked.

“You are going to give me that phone _right now_ or _I’ll kill you both_ ”. He managed to grab and pull Catra’s arm for a few seconds, but Adora broke their contact, pushing him forward.

“ _Don’t fucking touch her_ ”, Adora yelled in fury.

“Look, you have to _back off, dude_ ”, Catra continued, using a softer tone but still recording him. He kept trying to push her, Adora in the middle, trying to keep them apart. “People have seen you, just go before you do anything even more stupid”.

Catra’s cell phone started ringing and vibrating in her hand, breaking the live stream. Scorpia’s name flashed on the screen and they got distracted for enough time for him to push Catra, with force this time. Catra fell to the floor over her arm, taking her cell phone down with her. “You’re all going to die and burn in hell”, he continued to scream frantically.

And then the next thing Catra heard was almost impossible to believe. Because the next thing Catra heard was the sound of Adora's fist in the man's face - once, twice, three, four times, until he practically _begged_ her to stop and ran away. “Yeah, you asshole, _run_ ”, Adora said panting.

Catra watched in awe as a _pissed off and incredibly hot_ Adora wiped the blood off her knuckles on the hem of her dress.

“Are you okay?” Adora said, reaching out to help Catra to her feet. Her hands were shaking.

“Yeah... But _fuck_ ”, Catra replied, still pumped from all the adrenaline. She got up and Adora pulled her into a tight hug, breathing heavily in her ear. “What a creep”.

“He’s gone. It’s okay”, Adora said in a reassuring tone.

Catra’s nerves started to calm down as she let herself be comforted, almost at peace in Adora’s arms, giving in to her embrace. “ _You_ were _awesome_ ”, she confessed. Adora chuckled, still panting.

“Did he hurt you?”

“Nah”. But now that Adora mentioned it, Catra felt her right arm throbbing and swelling. “Well… My arm could be a little better”, she understated. The pain was mind numbing.

“Come on, let’s get out of here”. She said, kissing Catra’s forehead.

***

“Does it hurt?”, Adora said, putting ice on Catra's injured arm. They were sitting face to face in Catra's living room, while the cat sniffed Adora's shoes and tickled her ankles with his long whiskers.

“Ugh. Only my pride”. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to a hospital?”. 

“No, it’s just swollen, but I don’t think it’s broken”.

“You should go there tomorrow, just in case”.

“Okay, _mum_ ”, she teased.

That feeling of panic that came over Catra earlier, the anxiety and anger, all melted together with the ice. But they were still a little on edge, buzzed from such an intense experience.

“Catra, what if he had a gun?”, Adora said.

“If he did, he would’ve used it before I turned the camera on”.

Adora shot her a concerned look. “You don’t know that. He could have really hurt you”.

“He didn’t, okay? I’m fine”.

“Well, you’re lucky. That was _crazy_ , reckless, dangerous _…”_ _Then her expression softened. “_ But also, really brave”. 

“Of course it was. I’m amazing like that”, Catra promptly replied, making Adora giggle.

“I just… Can’t believe you did that for me”.

Catra snorted. “ _You_? Pfff! Would you get over yourself? I was just trying to save my own ass and get out of there, thank you”. She felt her cheeks burning. “It was _not_ because I like you or anything”.

“I’m just glad you’re okay”. Adora smiled, taking Catra’s arm to her lips and placing a kiss on it. Her expression was so soft and genuine, it made Catra’s pain totally worth it.

“I can’t believe you have to put up with that”.

Adora exhaled sharply. “It happens less often now, with Prime being in jail and all. I mean, they mostly just call me names, nothing _like that_ had ever happened before. Ugh… It seems like it’s never going to end, you know?”

“Hey, it’s over. He was just some crazy weirdo trying to scare you”.

“Well, our date was ruined”, Adora said.

“Wait. Isn’t that the way _regular_ dates are supposed to go? I don’t have much to compare”. That made Adora laugh. “Besides, I don’t think anything was ruined”.

“Yeah, me neither”. They smiled sheepishly at each other.

“Lonnie said she called the cops”.

“I’ll go to the station tomorrow. But I have a feeling that _he’s_ the one who’s going to press charges”, Adora laughed.

“You sure did a number on his face”. Catra said, watching the cat curl up in a ball at Adora's feet. “I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you could beat the shit out of someone”.

“I don’t do that often, just so you know”, she smiled, pressing the ice pack on Catra’s arm. “Besides, he could’ve done whatever to me and I wouldn’t care, but he _fucking_ touched you, ugh—He should thank me for not blowing his brains out”.

And there was it again. That tug on Catra’s chest. That warm, wonderful feeling that _demanded_ her to reach out, to touch, to be close.

Catra squeezed Adora's hand, giving tenderness a try. Then she pulled Adora in, catching her off guard and stealing a soft kiss from her lips. It took Adora a few seconds to compose herself and kiss Catra back, but when she did, it was unreserved. Adora was all there with her, whole, all in. 

Whatever remained of Catra’s armor fell.

Because kissing Adora felt safe. It felt as though Catra had finally found herself a home. It didn’t scare her. It didn’t make her feel weak, vulnerable or exposed. No. It made her feel fucking _powerful_. 

“You really are nailing this dating thing”. A brand-new glow flashed in Adora’s eyes, as she placed soft kisses under Catra’s chin and put a straddle in Catra on the couch, her knees on either side of her hips, her hands on each of Catra’s shoulder, while being careful not to hurt her already injured arm. “Now you take good care of that arm, I’m gonna need it in one piece”, she added with sass.

“Yeah?” Catra threw her a knowing look. “Why is that?”

Adora smiled childishly, which was inconsistent with what she said next. She came as close as possible to Catra’s ear, sending shivers down her spine. “Because you are going to _fuck_ me so hard after I win this bet”.

It was impressive how Adora could turn from gentle to authoritative, from kind to flirtatious, in the blink of an eye. But that shouldn’t come as a surprise from someone who could throw a punch and knock some guy out while wearing a dress, without breaking a sweat.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t know, it must’ve been the oysters”, she said with a mischievous smile.

“I like it”.

Adora pulled her to another kiss, with a little more hunger this time and Catra could smell the wine in Adora’s breath, the taste of strawberry from their dessert still strong on her tongue.

“By the way, you totally owe me for that stunt you pulled in the bathroom”, Catra said as they parted.

Adora scoffed. “Hey, _you_ followed me there, I just gave you what you deserved”.

“Hah-Oh, no, princess, you’re gonna give me what I deserve when I win thi--”.

She had to swallow her words, because Adora’s tongue was on hers again, hot, willing and very, very eager. Catra smiled into Adora’s mouth, then her lips went searching for her neck, white pale skin now stained by a dark bruise. Adora tilted her head to give Catra more access, letting a moan escape her throat without holding it back. So maybe things could still end up the way Catra had planned, huh?

But, then again, no.

“ _Meow_ ”.

Because then the cat interrupted them. They parted in startledness, Catra opened her eyes to find the cat in the arm of the sofa, staring at them with creepy eyes. They looked at him, then at each other, then at him. Then they burst out laughing. Adora laughed so hard that she almost lost her balance.

“I think he wants to join us”, Adora said cackling.

“Maybe I’ll call him _Judas_ ”, Catra said, as Adora pulled away from her. “I bring you into my home and this is how you repay me? Fucking cock blocker”.

The cat made his way to Catra’s now unoccupied lap and started to knead her tummy patiently, pushing in and out with his front paws, as if nothing was going on around him. Adora laughed so hard that she had to wipe some tears of her eyes.

“Aren’t you a jealous kitten?”, Adora said, catching her breath, as if she were expecting a friendly answer from the feline, but instead she was rewarded with a deadly, psychopathic stare. “Okay, this is… This is starting to freak me out, I think I’m gonna- _hah_ -I think I’m gonna go”.

“Ugh, that’s it, you’re going back to the hallway, dude”, Catra said, feeling the cat’s nails in her belly.

“Hey, will you text me if you need anything?”, Adora said putting the icepack back on Catra’s arm.

“Sure. Let me know when you get home?”.

“Uhhh…” Adora turned to look at her with a surprised, dumb face, clearly not expecting that for some reason. “Okay, I will”.

Adora left a final kiss on Catra’s lips before leaving her, a hopeful look in her eyes as she walked away. And as Catra felt another rush of that powerful and new feeling that she was just beginning to become acquainted with, the cat started to purr. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter credit: Janelle Monae - Make me feel
> 
> Let me just say that now that things are about to wrap up, I just want to write a bunch of chapters that make me go "awwww", hoping that it has the same effect on you too.
> 
> Can't wait to hear your thoughts :)


	13. If you want me, I'm your country

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are back for a third date :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back!
> 
> The end of this semester (and this awful year) is almost literally killing me. I had too much work to be done these last two weeks, so I couldn't write. Probably the next chapter is going to take a little while, too, but I'm still here.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy this one. I'm still very into the "awwww" vibe. Hopefully you'll feel the same way.
> 
> Can't wait to hear your thoughts :)

“If I win this match, you’re naming the cat Swift Wind”, Adora said with a devious grin on her lips, already getting in position.

“Hah- _Fine_ , but if _I_ win, you take that stupid hair poof down”, Catra replied, nodding at Adora’s hair with a hint of disdain in her eyes.

“What?” Adora’s voice cracked in unsettlement. “What’s wrong with my hair?”, she asked with concern.

Catra gave her a satisfied smirk. “Are you going to throw or not?”

“Don’t pressure me!” A small crowd gathered around them as Adora prepared to throw the dart, stretching her wrist and breathing sharply, her eyes glazed as if she were competing for the Olympic gold medal. “Okay”.

She frowned, gripping the barrel with her fingers, keeping it stable while she raised her arm and aligned the tip of the dart with the target on the board ahead of her, one eye closed to help her aim. Adora bit her lip and held her breath, trying her best to concentrate as she prepared to release.

Just you and the target, Adora.

Just you…

And…

Hands on her hips, embracing her from behind.

Soft lips and tongue on the back of her neck, hot breath and goosebumps all over her skin.

 _Mmphfff_.

Adora gasped in surprise, her wrist snapped downward.

The dart flew, down and away from the target, a trajectory that was obviously not in accordance with Adora's precise calculations. The crowd reacted in disappointment as the dart barely missed the double ring of the board. She felt Catra's lips turning into a smile on her shoulder.

“Hey!” Adora grimaced in anger, gently nudging Catra’s belly with her elbow. “That’s cheating”.

“ _Aaawww_ , don’t be sad, princess”. Catra said with her best taunting tone, her breath tickled Adora’s ear and made her giggle. “Your current score is 32”.

“Ugh, that last one shouldn’t count”, Adora argued, trying to suppress her laughter, turning around into Catra’s embrace to face her. “It wasn’t fair”.

“Not my fucking fault if you get so distracted by my presence”, Catra said smugly, kissing Adora’s chin and giving it a gentle bite. “Now, move away, loser, it’s my turn”.

It was late at night at the _Enchanted Grotto_ , a fairly popular queer bar in Elberon, known for playing music and rhythms from all over the world. The perfect setting for a much-deserved celebration: earlier that week, it became public that Hordak had been charged with money laundry and tax fraud, and all his financial assets had been frozen. As a result, the Horde Daily’s board of shareholders voted to push him out, which meant he was no longer the paper’s CEO.

Needless to say, Adora felt like she was on top of the world – which was funny because, a few hours prior, she literally _was_ on top of the world.

Or, well, kinda.

The _Grotto_ was their final stop of the night, but their date had started much earlier. Catra took Adora to the First Ruins, a historical monument at the oldest part of Etheria, a relic from colonial times located on the outskirts of town. Even though Adora had lived in Etheria for the past seven years, she had never visited that specific spot, much to Catra’s indignation. And when they got to the rooftop of the old beacon, the highest point of the city, Adora understood why Catra cared about it so much. From up there, they could see everything, from the Fright Zone to Brightmoon, and it filled her with a sense of possibility, of being able to accomplish anything.

It was one of the most impressive, stunning views that Adora had ever seen.

They sat there, Adora brushing Catra’s knuckles with her fingertips, as they talked about all the places in the world that they wanted to see, concerts that they wanted to go to, famous people that they wanted to meet. Adora surprised Catra with the antique camera they had seen in Dryl, on their first date. “Call it your official birthday present”, Adora said, and the blush on Catra’s face was the most perfect reward, almost like Adora was the one on the receiving end. “You’re an idiot”, Catra said awkwardly, her bad girl act crumbling just a little bit as she stared at the object in her hands with candid admiration.

Then they grabbed a burger, talked about their respective weeks and laughed while making up random stories about the passers around them. Catra had a very peculiar attitude towards life, going with the flow unattached, like she owed nothing to anyone, and although that scared Adora a little, it also amazed her. Adora believed that her worth was based in what she could do for the world and her loved ones, what she could _give_. Catra made her feel that it was okay to just _take_ what she wanted sometimes, that she deserved it.

Two weeks had passed since the Salineas incident, that night full of emotions that left Adora with a glimpse of just how much Catra mattered to her. It had been a very long time since Adora felt so furious, so instinctively compelled to violence. She didn’t even know that she could hit someone’s face so hard – her own hand hurt for days; she was lucky she didn’t break any finger. But the idea of Catra being in danger, or hurt, was just impossible for her to cope with.

That blind rage, she knew, was just another one of the many ways that Catra was able to make her feel, it never failed to overwhelm her. When they were together, Adora’s heart would always be restless and excited to get to know her, eager for what was about to happen next. It was thrilling and terrifying, but also incredibly peaceful. Of course, it was a very different kind of peace than what Adora had been looking for, there was nothing calm about it. It was more like a thunderstorm after a long day in the sun.

Now, as they entered the final chapter of their third, perfect date, that storm was brewing stronger than ever.

Adora stepped aside, crossed her arms and watched Catra prepare for her three throws. As she studied her opponent, her gaze lingered on specific parts and details of her body, like the shape of her fingers as they gripped the dart, or the way her biceps flexed and tensed just before she took the shot. Catra’s forearm was completely healed by now, no severe injuries other than a swollen tendon.

“Watch and learn”, Catra teased, and Adora smiled sheepishly, her stare still fixed on Catra’s forearm, her mind in Catra’s apartment, in that messy, otherwise perfect night, that ended with such promise and affection. The night when she had an accurate take of what Catra meant for her.

Of what they could mean for each other.

Catra’s third dart hit the board, just barely missing the inner bullseye, earning her enough points to finish the game. _Damn it_ , she thought, as Catra turned to her with that obnoxious, delicious smirk on her lips. The crowd cheered with enthusiasm and the bartender poured them tequila – all contestants who won their first match of the night were entitled to a free round of shots.

“You should be glad that I play by the rules”, she said, her finger pointed at Catra.

“Don’t be such a crybaby”, Catra said, embracing Adora again. “Time to pay up, princess”, her hands went behind Adora’s neck to undo her ponytail. Adora puffed her bangs as they fell over her forehead, with a frustrated pout. “There, much better”, she gently tucked a strand of gold hair behind Adora's ear, such a simple gesture, but it left Adora blushing anyway. “Now, let’s do those shots”.

“Are you trying to get me drunk so you can win this?”, Adora asked playfully.

“Like I need that to beat you”, Catra said with smug bravado. “Come on, we’re celebrating”.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for”.

“What?” Catra chuckled. “I’ve seen you drunk before”.

Adora scoffed. “Not _nearly_. Maybe stage three-drunk, tops”.

“What, you have a scale?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“Oh, my God, you’re a fucking nerd”, Catra teased, “and how many stages are there?”

“Seven, but that’s not something you’d like to see”.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re still on date number three and _believe me_ , if you see me like that, you won’t stick around for the next one”.

“That scary, huh?”

Adora nodded in agreement. “Terrifying”.

“I’m almost tempted”.

“That’d be against your own best interests”.

“And what would my interests be, exactly?”, She pulled Adora closer, arms wrapped around her waist, light kisses on her jawline.

“Well…” Adora dove into Catra’s mouth for a long, deep kiss – the first real kiss of that night. Then she added, with a very distinctive hint of lust in her tone: “I imagine you would still like to have a chance to win that bet”.

Catra huffed. “Mmm… You’d be surprised at how motivated I am to kick that hot ass of yours, so I doubt that seeing you drunk will make a difference”.

“Are you sure? That can be a turning point for you”.

“I give you my word”.

Earlier that week, when they were having lunch, Glimmer and Bow asked Adora why the bet mattered – and Adora told them that it didn’t.

That was a half lie, though. The bet _was_ important. Extremely important. Catra had no idea how competitive Adora could get when she inadvertently turned her decision to take things slow into a challenge. But Adora hated the idea of losing almost as much as she loved winning – and winning was one of her most favorite things in the world.

So, yeah, it mattered.

It mattered to her pride. Especially after being rejected by Catra once, then sabotaging a potential relationship with another person just to be with her again. At some basic level, Adora wanted to feel like she held the cards, like she was in control. Well, of something, at least.

It mattered because it made those five dates, and all the time they spent talking between them, seem like endless and _very_ stimulating foreplay. It was the hottest, most erotic experience that Adora had ever lived. The fact that Catra knew exactly how to drive her to the edge made it even more thrilling – and, at the same time, _agonizing_ , like a wonderful type of torture. If possible, Adora was more attracted to Catra now than when they first met, and she could feel that fire brewing each passing day.

And maybe it was shallow, but for the first time in her life she was allowing herself to enjoy being courted, being desired. She had to admit that it felt fucking good to see that predatory expression in Catra’s eyes, undressing Adora in her mind. More than exposed and objectified, more than flattered, it made her feel powerful.

But no, the bet itself wasn’t the main reason why she was witholding sex.

They went to the bar to drink their shots.

“Good riddance to that son of a bitch, eh?”

“Here, here”.

Salt, the strong taste of tequila, lime.

 _“Uuuuughhhhh”_. Adora immediately felt the heat running through her insides as the alcohol entered. She shook her whole body in an automatic response to the taste.

Catra laughed and licked her delicious lips with that adorable hint of mischief and mockery in her eyes. And when Adora looked at her, it hit her all over again. That strong rush of certainty and clarity that pulled her to Catra like gravity pulled her to the ground.

That feeling was the reason.

She didn’t know what was going to happen after date number five – and her fears of Catra wanting nothing other than sex or losing her newfound interest for an affectionate relationship after they slept together were still, very much, there. But even if that turned out to be true, Adora was committed to pay the price. She intended to make those five dates count.

Because now that she had found that feeling, she _needed_ to live it, to enjoy it, fully, completely.

And Adora could only hope that Catra would be ready to accept everything that she had to give. She still didn’t believe it to be possible, but sometimes she saw it in the way that Catra looked at her, with a dash of something other than lust. A hint that maybe, just maybe, Catra could be able to let her in.

Adora wanted to make the most of whatever amount of time they had together.

The bet was just a lame excuse.

She didn’t mean to kiss Catra with such hunger, with such passion. She had intended it to be tender when she pulled Catra by the shirt and parted her lips open with her own. But there was something about kissing Catra that made it impossible not to get carried away. Adora kissed her with everything she had, getting lost in that buzz, that dizziness that you get when you know that you’re about to fall, but you can’t really stop yourself anymore.

And the way that Catra kissed her, the way her tongue brushed against hers, as if searching for the answer of one of life’s fundamental questions in her mouth, made Adora feel like they were the only two people left alive in the world.

They headed to the dance floor and the setting reminded her of the first time they got together, at a different club, in a different time, when Adora had no idea that a random hook-up could turn her heart upside down. It had been almost one year since then, Glimmer’s birthday was just around the corner, and Adora smiled nostalgically.

She watched as Catra danced and mouthed the words along to a song, in a language that she didn’t understand. The pulse of the beat, the constant percussion and the melody made Adora’s skin vibrate. For a moment, she stood still, in some sort of trance, completely taken by the perfect way with which Catra’s body moved along the music, as if those two things were a part of the same entity, as if she had melted into the sound.

She swallowed, in both fascination and arousal, her eyes fixed on that spectacle that demanded her full attention.

It didn’t take long for her to notice that she wasn’t the only one staring.

That realization made the fire inside her burn stronger. Adora possessively pulled Catra to her, with far less elegance than anticipated. Then she proceeded to kiss Catra’s neck and pull her hair down, as if to say _look all you want, but I’m the one who gets to touch_. Catra grinned and closed her eyes, a grunt of pleasure escaping her mouth as Adora vigorously sucked her collarbone, marking her skin with her lips. Catra wrapped her arms around her waist and pressed their bodies even closer together; hips, shoulder and hands inviting Adora to sway with her.

“Everyone’s staring at us, princess”, Catra whispered, but Adora didn’t care about that anymore, too lost in the beat, the friction and the heat that radiated from their bodies.

Dancing with Catra felt as good as Adora remembered. Maybe better, now that they knew each other’s bodies with intimate detail. Catra took the lead, biting her lip as she pressed her hips against Adora’s and guided their motions.

“I missed this”, the revelation drunkenly slipped from Adora’s throat, breathy and raw, more honest than many love confessions. Catra smiled and gripped the hem of Adora’s shirt, tugging it lightly.

“Come here”, Catra said with a smirk as the song’s beat started to pick up. She started to murmur the words into Adora’s ear, and the blonde dumbly realized that she was probably singing in Portuguese.

She turned around in Adora’s arms, her back now pressed against Adora’s chest, lightly brushing her breasts. She exhaled sharply in Catra’s ear, her heart racing as her body relaxed into the sound, mimicking Catra’s movements in wonderful synch. Adora’s hands were greedy on Catra’s sides and hips, squeezing her thighs, firmly pulling her ass into her groin.

 _Fuck_.

She really was impossible to resist.

Adora was going to lose.

Everything was working against her – the alcohol, the bar, the music, the grinding dance, the heat, the sweat; but, most of all, the woman that she was currently dancing with, those curious hands exploring her body as if they were claiming its property.

And it really didn’t help that she sounded even sexier when speaking her native language.

“What does that mean?”, Adora asked, enveloping her salty earlobe with hungry lips.

Catra laughed and Adora felt her cheeks burning against her own. “Do you really want to know?”

“Uh-huh”, she nodded absently as she licked the curve of Catra’s neck.

“Something like…” And then Catra came as close as she could to Adora’s ear. “ _I swear that once you have me, you won’t be able to forget me_ ”.

“You’re lying”, Adora chuckled blushing, air escaping her lungs. “You’re just making this up”.

“I’m serious”, Catra laughed again, increasing the pressure of her ass against Adora’s crotch – and this time, she let a moan escape her throat. “ _Enough with this nonsense, enough with this bullshit, I know you know that I want to play too_ ”.

“Mmm… Are you still singing the song?” Adora asked weakly, her resolve wavering as she felt the heat between her legs.

“Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental”. That husky voice that could drive Adora wild in an instant. “ _You already own my thoughts, and I won’t deny that I want you”_ , she added, turning around in Adora’s arms and grabbing a handful of her hair. Adora hissed and closed her eyes, her mind full of depraved, needful thoughts as Catra mouth went for her neck.

The words fit perfectly. Catra owned all of Adora’s thoughts. And no, there was no point in trying to deny it.

They danced like that for a few more songs and Adora was about to give in entirely when she saw two familiar faces in the crowd. Glimmer and Bow were the ones who told Adora about that party in the _Enchanted Grotto_ and they had mentioned that they were probably going to stop by. When Adora invited Catra, she gave her a heads up that they might run into them.

Well, at least a little company would prevent Adora from doing what she wanted to do right there on the dance floor.

***

Adora’s aforementioned stages of drunkenness were as follows:

1 – Everything’s funny

2 – Karaoke

3 – Horny

4 – Nonsensical

5 – These fucking clothes are stupid and they make no sense

6 – This ice sculpture is my new best friend

7 – This knife is so pointy, I wonder why my hand’s bleeding

Results may vary according to the drink in question. For example, beer made her drowsy, vodka gave her memory lapses, gin made her paranoid, tequila made her hornier and hyper-energetic all the way through.

Adora was generally able to evaluate her own drunkenness state until stage four. From that point forward, her superego took a giant step back and let her id took over. Everything else turned into a hazy, big blur.

If you’re wondering, Adora had only reached level seven once – it didn’t end very well, as you may have guessed, but at least she had an embarrassing story to tell.

Right now, according to my very precise assessments (a luxury from being the narrator), she was dangerously approaching stage five.

“Fuck, why is it so hot in here?”

That happened for mainly three reasons.

First and foremost, because she was genuinely happy. Hordak was going down! Prime’s trial was about to happen! Catra was with her! Everything was falling into place. She deserved to unwind and let herself go for a night, right?

“I mean, _sheriously_ , what kind of a monster looks at a baby and says: _Hordak will be his name_? It’s like they wanted him to be evil, you know?”.

Second, because she was anxious. Bow and Glimmer being in the same room as Catra made her flustered, even though they were not hanging out _officially_ together. But what if they didn’t get along? What if Catra freaked out? What if Glimmer turned the occasion into a third degree and _then_ Catra freaked out? What if they found out that Catra was just leading Adora on, making her feel special and playing with her feelings for fun?

Before you start to worry, I should tell you that none of those things had happened so far.

Catra was pretty okay with Glimmer and Bow being there. She even managed to handle Glimmer’s most inquisitive and _not at all subtle_ questions quite elegantly – aside from a few acid retorts and the occasional bantering.

The three of them also found a perfect way to bond. “Remember when Adora thought the professor was a T.A?”, “And what about the day when she slept on the couch because there was a cockroach in her bedroom?”, “Did she tell you that my cat looks at her like it wants to kill her?”.

Yeah, apparently, messing with Adora was a common interest.

But none of that bothered her one single bit, because then Catra would laugh and hold her close, in a way that filled her chest with that silly and gooey kind of warmth. 

And to their credit, her friends were making an effort not to smother their date, literally disappearing from their surroundings every once in a while. When that occurred, Adora would scan the bar and find them in a random corner, making out, laughing or dancing together like two fools in love.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, because the three of them talked her into drinking another two shots of tequila.

Hmmm. I probably should have started with that one.

“Hey, have you guys ever _notished_ that _melog_ is _golem_ _sshpelled_ backwards?”

“Melog?”, Catra scoffed. “What the fuck is she talking about?”

“Ooookay, so no more tequila for Adora”, Bow suggested with a chuckle.

“ _Shhhhhhhhh_ , _ssshut_ up, I am _trying_ to _focus_ , okay?”.

“This is so dumb”, and of course that would be Glimmer – but, in her defense, she was laughing when she said it.

“What is _dumb_ is you guys having to _hold_ me because Adora’s such a princess that she can’t handle an innocent tickle”.

“Ha-haaa”, Glimmer mocked. “Like there’s anything innocent about you, _trouble_ ”.

“Please, you should see me when I’m actually _trying_ to be bad, _Sparkles_ ”.

“ _Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!_ _Shtop_ _dishtracting_ me!”.

Adora gripped the barrel of the dart – a sharp object that really _really_ shouldn’t been in her hand considering her current state – and prepared herself for her last throw, as Glimmer and Bow held Catra’s arms to keep her from disturbing.

“Come on, Adora, you can do it”, Bow shouted in his traditional motivational tone.

Her wrist snapped upward and the dart flew, hitting the middle of the dartboard – a perfect shot, straight at the inner bull.

Huh.

Maybe Adora should update her scale:

_4.5 – Weirdly accurate performance in random sports_

“Bullseye!” Impressed by her own accomplishment, Adora raised her arms above her head and cheered proudly. “ _Oh, yeeeeaaah!_ ”, she yelled as she started to twerk, jiggling her ass in a purposefully exaggerated way and rubbing it against Catra.

 _“Wooooooo!”_. Bow and Glimmer released Catra from their gripped and joined her, the three of them dancing and slapping Adora’s ass like morons while Catra laughed to herself, in pretense embarrassment.

“Yeah, I don’t – I don’t know any of these people”, she said playfully.

When the celebratory dance ended, Bow and Glimmer went to the bar to get another drink and Adora turned around to embrace Catra, grinning widely.

“That was just beginner’s luck”, Catra scoffed in disdain as Adora stole a sweet kiss from her lips.

“Then I _guesh_ you’re my good luck charm”, she whispered, still high with giddy enthusiasm from that unexpected victory.

“I bet you were one of those dumb jocks in high school”.

“Oh, totally. You would have fucked my girlfriend just to spite me”, The casual reference to Catra’s past made her chuckle.

“Don’t think I would have… I kind of have my eye on someone else, you know”, she said with a smirk, those gorgeous, mismatched eyes of hers on fire.

“Oh, do you?” Adora’s lips turned into a wide, silly grin.

“Yeah”.

“Should I be jealous?”

“Mmm… I don’t know”, Catra replied, her right hand making its way inside Adora’s shirt to caress her back, her left hand cupping Adora’s chin. “I’m not sure if she’s interested”.

Adora laughed, her skin burning under Catra’s touch as she tilted her head into it. “I bet she is”.

She could feel her hair clinging to her back due to the sweat, the heat becoming increasingly intolerable, her clothes sticking to her body like a terrible inconvenience. Catra’s thumb lightly stroked her lips, parting them open, and she kissed it, taking it into her mouth for a gentle bite. And when she leaned to kiss Catra’s mouth, she became aware that, because of their difference in height, Catra needed to stand on her tiptoes to kiss her back.

She smiled on Catra’s lips and closed her eyes.

Heat took over.

Too much heat.

Adora pressed herself against Catra, breathing heavily into her mouth. Her hands searched for the hem of Catra’s shirt with urgency, while she licked her lips to keep them from drying out. Catra dug her nails in Adora’s back, pulling her again for another kiss.

Catra’s nails scratched her back with hunger, making Adora feel that she was _needed_.

That felt like she was going to _burst into fucking flames_.

If Catra needed something from her, she had to _give it_.

Now.

She couldn’t wait anymore.

And when she pressed her mouth to Catra’s ear, there was really only one thing that she could say.

***

The next day, Adora woke up with a familiar headache. One that she already expected, to be frank, when she decided that it was okay to get hammered and embarrass herself in front of the girl whose heart she was trying to win _._

She didn’t open her eyes immediately, trying to adjust to the dire taste of alcohol in her mouth and to the strange sensation of being transported in time and space. As she tried to review the events that started to flash through her brain and put them in order, she felt a weight beside her, a presence. There was someone sleeping with her.

_Oh, no._

Panic took her over. In those quick seconds before she opened her eyes, Adora died approximately three or four times.

And I can’t stress enough how fucking _relieved_ she was when she saw that the person sleeping next to her was Glimmer. Noise coming from the kitchen suggested that Bow probably slept on her couch. She started to laugh, frantically, as the tension disappeared from her body.

She took her cell phone from the nightstand.

_[4:32] Catra: hpme safe_

_[4:33] Catra: sslp_

_[4:33] Catra: sslep_

_[4:33] Catra: ffffuckl_

_[4:34] Catra: sleep sound prinvess ;)_

Safe.

So apparently Catra could give her that thunderstorm feeling even from a distance.

A little later that day, the Best Friend Squad picked up their hangover selves for brunch and gathered around Adora’s kitchen table.

“So, how wasted was I?”, Adora asked.

“Preeeeeetty fucking wasted”, Glimmer replied with a chuckle. “Like freshman year wasted”.

“Yeah, but we all were, so don’t worry about it”, Bow added for reassurance.

“Okay… Any reason I should be ashamed for the rest of my life?”

“Other than you and Catra almost being arrested for indecent exposure, I think you’re good”.

“ _What?_ ”

“She’s kidding!”, Bow laughed, “Glimmer, you know how worked up she gets”.

“I _know_ , that’s why it’s so funny”, Glimmer teased as she munched a crispy bacon stripe. “But seriously, you two are _hot_ together, I have to say that”.

“Hello!” Bow’s voice cracked. “Standing right here!”

“Oh, you thought so, too”, Glimmer said. “Just, you know, get a room next time”.

Adora put her elbows on the table and covered her face with her hands. “Just take me, God, take me now”.

“You shouldn’t worry, though”, Glimmer dropped casually as she took a sip of her orange juice.

“What do you mean?”, Adora said while spreading jelly on a slice of bread.

Bow and Glimmer traded a knowing look.

“I don’t think she’s just after sex”.

Adora stiffened and frowned in surprise. She really wasn’t expecting to hear something like that, especially from Glimmer – the one who always expected the worse and advised Adora to break things up with Catra in more than one occasion.

“Uh… How can you tell?” She decided to proceed with caution.

“Well, for one thing, because you were _throwing_ yourself at her”. Glimmer chuckled. “I mean, kind of aggressively”.

“Oh, God”. Adora said, hiding her face behind her hands again.

“If she just wanted to sleep with you, _believe us_ , she would be the one standing here instead of us”, Bow said.

“Uh… Okay…”

“Yeah, but, come on, that means nothing. Adora was drunk, so that’s just common decency, I mean, she’s not a predator, so she literally did the bare minimum there”.

“She was drunk too, you know. And, for the record, you were the only one here who thought she was a predator”, Bow recalled.

“Okay, I admit that I was wrong”, Glimmer raised her hands as if to declare peace.

“Wow”, Adora teased, “I can’t—I can’t remember the last time I’ve heard you say those words”.

“Have you ever?”

“ _Ha-ha_. But anyway, I wasn’t finished”.

“Oh, sorry, by all means”, Adora said as she grabbed a toast from the basket on the table.

“Thank you”, she continued, “So, I’ll admit that, after everything that you told us and based on the impression that I already had from before, I was super ready to hate her”.

“Really? What a shocker”, Adora said ironically.

“Yeah, who knew?”, Bow joined her.

“Right?”

“Plot twist”.

“ _Buuuuuuut_ , seeing you two together, and the way she looks at you -- and _just at you_ , not at anyone else… Ugh, it made me change my mind”.

“It’s clear that she likes you”, Bow said. “She even asked us to take care of you, it was really cute”.

Glimmer rolled her eyes. “I don’t think that _cute_ is a word that applies to _trouble_ , but yeah, in general, I agree”.

Adora’s remained in silence as heart pounded in her ears. She smiled, a little skeptically. Her eyes watered, her cheeks burned, she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or to cry. Could it be real? She wasn’t seeing things? It wasn’t wishful thinking or her mind playing tricks on her? Her friends also saw it? Hell – _Glimmer_ saw it?

“And that girl checking out Adora?”, Bow chuckled, “I thought that Catra was going to punch her”.

“Oh, yeah, seeeerious murderous vibes”.

“But the most important thing is… I’ve never seen you so at ease with someone”.

“Well, except for us, of course”.

“I think you make a very good couple”.

And the top of the world wasn’t high enough for what Adora was feeling. Thunder crashed in her chest. She could smell the rain coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title credit:  
> The Cardigans - You're the storm
> 
> The song that Catra sings when they were in the dance floor:
> 
> Duda Beat feat Mateu Carrilho & Jaloo - Chega
> 
> I'm thinking of making a playlist with all those songs.


	14. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra has to come to terms with her past, as she and Adora get to date number four.
> 
> CW: Anxiety, panic attack, referred abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you all!
> 
> Yes, I'm still here! These two last weeks have been exhausting, sorry for taking a little longer to update. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience and for keeping up with this :) 
> 
> Okay, so, this chapter was very tricky for me to write. I spent a lot of time working on it until it felt okay, and I think you'll be able to understand why. 
> 
> It's not as light as the last ones, I should warn you beforehand, but I'm still being true to my promise of making you go "awwww" every now and then. I
> 
> Hopefully.
> 
> As always, your comments mean a lot! I would love to hear more from you :) It's been so amazing to read what you have to say, a lot of people from my home country popping up in the comments section, it's been a gift.
> 
> And oh! I actually turned this into a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0WYzRMt83ThA1vQOdkQ6QN?si=BZv5RO1iQE--rB4q8a_ZSA), so if you want to hear the songs that inspired chapter titles, check it out.
> 
> Again: I really hope you enjoy this chapter!

Timid water droplets touched Catra’s cheek, then her arms, announcing the rain that was about to start. She shuddered, instinctively pressing herself to Adora’s body, her hands firmly pinning Adora’s wrists against the wall, her teeth and tongue wandering through Adora’s collarbone. A small gasp of pleasure escaped Adora’s throat, the signal that Catra needed to sink her teeth deeper on the seam between Adora’s neck and shoulder.

“C-Catra…” They had been up there for less than five minutes and Adora’s voice was already faltering. _That must be a new personal record,_ Catra noted to herself with delight. “Uh—I think it’s raining”.

“No shit”. Catra said as she released the pin on Adora’s wrists and proceeded to stroke her arms with the pad of her thumbs, drawing lazy lines up and down her biceps, then her shoulders, then her chest. “Last time I checked, you weren’t made of sugar, princess”.

She cocked an eyebrow teasingly, smirking as Adora tried not to laugh.

“I’m serious”, Adora said, placing soft kisses on Catra’s jawline, which made her words sound a whole less convincing. “We can’t go back there all wet”.

At that, Catra cackled. “Oh, you did _not_ just say that!”, she sneered, gently pushing Adora's chest with her right hand, but immediately pulling her back by the dress strap, as it wasn’t her intention to increase the distance between them.

“Wha—” Adora frowned in momentary confusion for a few seconds, and then… “Oh! I didn’t mean it like _that_ , smartass”, she laughed, turning them both to the side, so they could fit under the helipad concrete structure built over the Brightmoon Hospital’s rooftop.

It hadn’t been long since they last saw each other at the Enchanted Grotto, no more than a full week – and yet here they were, acting like they hadn’t seen each other for decades, sneaking out in the middle of a professional engagement to make out for ten minutes as if they were two hormone-powered teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

“Too bad, though”, Catra took an exploratory finger under the hem of Adora’s gorgeous black dress, lightly touching her thigh. “Getting you wet is _always_ a part of my plan”.

“W-wow, that’s smooth”, Adora said, in a failed attempt to tease her back, "D-does that, uh—Does that line actually work on anyone?”

Catra smiled fondly, admiring the little dimple that showed just above the curve of Adora’s lips when they moved. “It seems to be working right now”, she replied, her whole hand cupping Adora’s thigh now. 

They kissed, they laughed, they whispered dirty and soft words in each other’s ears; and inside that perfect little bubble of warmth, earthly concepts like _time_ or _space_ didn’t seem to matter. It didn’t matter that Catra had been hired to photograph the hospital's anniversary gala or that Adora had to supervise the event, one of her duties as head of the hospital’s communication department – _a job that was totally beneath her skills, if you asked Catra_.

None of that mattered.

What mattered was the pressure of Adora’s weight on Catra’s body, the strong grip of her hand on Catra’s shirt, the roughness of their tongues, the gentleness of Adora’s fingers on her cheek.

What mattered was Adora’s musky smell getting mixed up with her own, Adora’s hot breath against her bare skin.

What mattered were the words Adora drunkenly murmured to her when they were on the Grotto’s dance floor, the words that still lingered in Catra’s ears.

Those little fragments of Catra’s existence were the ones that made her believe that there was a reason to wake up and get out of bed every day, that there was more to life than just plain _surviving_.

“We should get back”, Adora said as she placed a kiss on Catra's wrist, holding her gaze. “Our little break is taking too long”.

“Such a rule follower”, she replied with a whimper of protest, her thumb stroking Adora’s lower lip and chin. “Everyone is having a good time, no one’s going to notice if I don’t take their picture every two and a half seconds”.

“Maybe… But Glimmer’s _definitely_ going to know what we’ve been up to when she sees me”.

“Ugh, big deal, Sparkles would probably join us if she could”, Catra teased, instantly regretting the visual image that those words brought to her mind – not because the idea itself wasn’t objectively appealing, but because sharing Adora with _anyone_ was an appalling, unsettling thought.

Adora laughed and opened one of those beautiful, wide smiles that could dismantle Catra in a heartbeat, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “It’s a shame you can’t make it tomorrow”.

 _It_ referred to Glimmer’s birthday – this year, she was throwing a dinner party at her place and Catra wouldn't be able to be there, because she had to run a personal errand.

Catra considered saying something smug, like _someone’s anxious to see me again_ in response, but she decided not to tease. More than Glimmer’s birthday, the date itself carried many different layers of meaning.

For starters, it meant that she and Adora had been playing this delicious on and off, back-and-forth game for _one year_.

“Hmmm, I would very much like to steal you all for myself in the middle of Sparkles birthday again”, Catra said, pressing her body against Adora’s, kissing her lips with tenderness.

“Can’t you do this personal project of yours any other day?”, Adora said, the tip of her tongue finding the sensitive spot under Catra’s chin that she _not-so-secretly_ loved. “If you went to her party tomorrow, then Saturday would be date number five instead of four”.

“Now, that’s a _very_ persuasive argument. I’m beginning to reconsider”.

“You should”. Then, in Catra’s ear. “Because if you do, by the end of the week, you will be able to _taste_ just how _bad_ I miss your lips on me”.

A low whine slipped from Catra’s mouth before she could catch it, as she considered the thought of _finally_ getting her hands on Adora’s naked body. But although she would love to postpone her _personal project_ once and again, she knew that she had already delayed it for as much as she could.

“I thought you were holding off just fine”, she said with irony, her hands moving under Adora’s dress again.

“You’re making this challenge _very_ hard for me to win”, the blonde groaned, hooking her fingers through the belt loops of Catra’s jeans.

“I think you’re about to lose right about now”, Catra purred, as her fingers brushed the dampness pooling in Adora’s underwear.

Another groan of pleasure. A long, deep, steamy kiss that made Catra feel giddy.

And then –

She was being playfully pushed into the pouring rain, and Adora’s laugh was ringing in her ear as the water rolled down their joined cheeks.

Wet, salty kisses and hugs.

Not a single care on Catra’s mind.

For now, at least.

***

Raindrops splashed against the window, an otherwise soothing sound if this were any other day or place. Right now, though, the constant humming only made the house feel gloomier, colder, emptier.

The house was smaller than Catra remembered, certainly too small to make room for all the bitterness that remained immaculate and confined within those walls. Every corner, every crack, still burned in her body like barely healed scar tissue. The entire house stood like a monstrous living creature, a monument in the honor of a part of Catra’s past that she so desperately wanted to leave behind.

Well, with any luck, she would be able to do just that.

The air felt heavy on her lungs, thick with dust. She coughed, paused a little before entering, her hands fiddling with the tacky keychain Norwyn had given her, empty cardboard boxes scattered on the hardwood floor.

It had been more than ten years since she last set foot on that house or even came near the Black Garnet – which was how her old neighborhood was called, although there was nothing precious about it.

Taking a field trip to memory lane wasn’t exactly how Catra wanted to spend her Friday. Fuck – she would rather go to one of Perfuma’s drum circles, pluck all the hair on her body with tweezers, have a mouthful of bees or spend the day at a beauty salon with Glimmer.

But she couldn’t keep running from her responsibilities.

It was her birth right, after all.

And maybe that would help her, maybe it would give her some sense of closure.

Scorpia had volunteered to come along, because of course she did, but Catra gently declined her company. While she didn’t want to do this alone, she still wasn’t good at that whole _asking-people-for-help_ thing, despite all the progress she’d made this year.

She also wasn’t crazy about the idea of having her best friend hovering over her, asking if she was okay all the time, pulling her into hugs or trying to cheer her up every two and a half seconds. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Catra valued Scorpia as if she were the only part of her body that was worth protecting, but _that_ kind of support wasn’t exactly what she needed.

What she needed was…

_Sigh._

What she needed was, unfortunately, not an option. As much Catra wanted the comfort of those blue eyes and dumb smile, Adora was the last person who deserved to be sucked into the black hole of her fucked-up childhood.

And, perhaps most importantly, the thought of telling Adora about her past absolutely terrified her.

She knew that Adora cared for her – the signs she had been sending her way _weren’t exactly subtle_. Her honesty and her openness were some of her most admirable features, in Catra’s eyes. All her feelings were right there for anyone to see, raw and bold and wonderful.

And the way their last date ended, the words Adora whispered in Catra’s ear… If they weren't an obvious result of the dangerous combination of tequila, hormones and excitement for winning an important professional battle, Catra would have almost believed them to be _real_.

But at the same time, Catra knew that she wasn’t showing Adora her whole hand. She was holding herself back. And she had a good reason for it.

Would Adora _stay_ if she knew how ugly Catra’s story was? How broken, how fucked up, how difficult she could be on a bad day – and, sometimes, even on a good one?

Would Adora say those same words to her then?

Only Catra knew the darkness that scratched her from within, like a shadow that was always trying to find an opportunity to claw its way out from beneath her skin and come to life. Adora had seen a sample of it when they broke up four months earlier, but she hadn’t _really_ taken the full _Catra experience_ tour.

That wasn’t something she was planning to happen any time soon.

For now, she just wanted to protect that little fantasy of theirs, in which Adora only got to see the side of her that was good, soft, tender.

The side of her that could even learn how to love.

She risked another step forward, her breath catching in her lungs. She didn’t know what to feel, exactly. Her heart was everywhere at once, her mind was suddenly transported to a different time.

She gulped when she looked ahead again.

Everything about that house made her feel like she didn’t matter.

She hated the place, even as a child.

The squeaky floor that made it impossible for her to come and go unnoticed, creaking with every step she took. She had to walk on her tiptoes and control every single muscle in her body so as not to be heard whenever she sneaked out. When she learned to climb the tree outside her room, getting in and out became slightly easier, but the fear of getting caught by her overbearing mother was always _there_.

The wallpaper was starting to peel off, the rancid odor of cigarette smoke made present in tar and nicotine stains; the colored pattern had faded almost entirely, probably from being scrubbed too hard, too many times. Catra thought back to when she started slipping cigarettes from her mother, stealing one from each pack so as not to arouse suspicions, taking her first rebellious drags in the basement when she had just turned thirteen.

At that memory, she took her own pack of cigarettes and lit the first one of the day, casually remarking to herself that she had been smoking a lot less lately – a random observation that _definitely_ had nothing to do with the fact that kissing Adora was much better without the taste of ashes on her mouth.

She took her camera and tripod from her backpack, cracked her finger joints and opened the curtains so the light could enter. It didn’t help much, as the rain was still falling on the outside, but for all intents and purposes, it was enough. If she treated this as _work_ , as _art_ , she could worry about technical visual concepts like framing and lighting, she could focus on the repetitive mechanical clicking pattern or the sounds her camera’s shutter made.

And if that didn't help bringing a little more objectivity to the experience, at least some interesting artistic results could come out of it.

That was one of the things Catra loved about photography the most – it gave her an opportunity to reframe life, shape it, maybe even _own_ it for a little while.

As another part of her personal self-care ritual, Catra picked the most upbeat playlist from her favorite music app and pressed play, humming along the tune to distract her mind. _Here comes the breath before we get a little bit closer_ , she sang, a silly grin on her face as her mind went back to Adora. _Here comes the heat before we meet_ , the memory of them kissing in the rain gushing through her like a breath of fresh air.

Ugh, when did she become so corny?

Okay.

Time to focus.

 _Click, click, click_.

As soon as she settled into some sort of rhythm, she started with uncovering the furniture. The dining table where she used to do her homework, the sofa, the bookcase, the buffet, the coffee table she once hit her head on when she was three. The white moldy sheets coming off, one by one. The clicking noise of the shutter melting with the music into the background, as Catra’s hands skillfully worked the camera.

There was nothing of value there, most of the furniture was already too damaged by the passage of time – some even infested with random creatures that somehow managed to survive in such inhospitable conditions for all that time.

But, of course, she wasn’t there for the furniture.

Being an only child, when her mother died, Catra inherited the old family house her great grandfather built. She also inherited all related debts – which, unfortunately, were more than just a few. After some months gathering money to pay off everything, she could finally give a suitable destination to the property. Her main purpose that day was to assess the place and take out anything that she might consider worth keeping, so she could put a realter on the case and hopefully move on to the next chapter of her life.

Through the camera lens, Catra’s gaze meticulously inspected the room.

Her objectivity wavered when her eyes were captured by a particular object.

In photography, they say that a _punctum_ is an incidental but personally poignant detail which pierces a particular viewer, that causes the sensory, intensely subjective effect of a given photograph. In Catra’s case, the _punctum_ of her old living room was a picture frame on the coffee table. It was, in fact, the first photograph she ever took: her grandfather watering the plants in the garden, sunlight shining through the water droplets that spilled from the hose.

Even looking at it now, that she was a professional photographer, it was still an impressive shot for a six-year-old.

But the picture didn’t draw her attention because of its aesthetic worth.

It triggered all sorts of emotionally charged memories. Her grandfather teaching her about photography, her early unpretentious clicks, the improvised darkroom he built in the cellar so she could practice, the thrill that she felt when developing a photo for the first time, the strong smell of chemicals that made her feel dizzy.

Her grandfather passed away six months after that picture was taken.

That was when Catra understood what loss was, for the very first time. When she understood that the people she loved wouldn’t be there forever. That they would all, eventually, leave.

Okay, so she knew this wouldn’t be easy.

 _Click, click, click_.

But it didn’t have to be any more difficult than it already was.

Catra took a deep breath before getting to the actual business. She started slow, going through the drawers and cabinets in the living room. Most objects went to the _garbage_ box and a few into the one intended for _donations_. The kitchen and the den were the same, just as the basement. Not much to look at, not much to consider.

She had no intention of keeping many of the things that she left behind. Perhaps one of her first cameras or some old vinyl records, for their sentimental value. She was secretly looking forward to that moment – if anything, maybe it could be a way of retrieving a part of her past that was not directly associated with trauma.

When she finished with the ground floor and the basement, she headed upstairs. Shit, she would definitely need to have the place fumigated a dozen times, she thought, noticing an anthill at the bottom of the stairs.

Catra’s anxiety increased as she went up.

She opened the door of the master bedroom, her hands trembling, her sweaty palm against the doorknob. Catra did not enter right away, peering out the door like a curious cat surveying the surroundings to gather the courage to walk into unknown territory.

Except there was nothing in that place that was unknown.

Everything was still painfully familiar. The room was exactly as she remembered, down to the fucking stink of it. Catra's least favorite smell in the world.

Cheap cologne and old clothes, cigarettes and rotten wood, whiskey and hair conditioner – the smell of her mother. Catra felt nausea building in her stomach, adrenaline pushing and pulling her thoughts in so many directions that she couldn’t breathe properly. 

Her immediate instinct was to _run away_ , panic almost taking her over. But she stood still, fighting that initial urge with a sequence of long, deep breaths, counting backwards from ten to one. She shut her eyes, clenched her face and fists, trying her best to harden her heart and spirit.

Her second instinct was to pick up her cell phone and turn the music off, as the cheerful tune became strangely disconcerting.

But there was another sound that would probably soothe her.

A little reluctantly, she called.

It rang four times before Adora answered.

“Hey!”, and when Catra heard her, she let out a huff of momentary relief.

It was impressive how Adora’s voice managed to set her heart at ease, as if they were both tuned into the same frequency. She leaned against the bedroom’s door to catch her breath, her hands still shaking. “This is so weird, I was just about to text you”, Adora added.

“Y-you were? What about?”, Catra tried to sound as casual as possible, but her voice was still a little shaky. If Adora noticed, she made no mention of it.

“Glimmer’s just asked when you will be able to send yesterday's photos”.

“Oh, uh- I-I’m working on them right now”, a terrible lie.

She edited the gala’s photos the moment she arrived home, but didn’t send them right away because her internet connection was being temperamental. When she woke up that morning, she was so nervous about going to her old home that she simply forgot. Of course, giving Adora the _real_ explanation for that occasional slip involved telling her, well, the _real_ explanation.

“You are? I thought you were doing your personal project thingy”.

There came another lie.

“I am – I mean, I will. I just wanted to get rid of this first so Sparkles can enjoy her fucking birthday and stop being a pain on my ass for a change”.

Adora laughed that loose, beautiful laugh of hers, which was _just_ the sound that Catra needed to hear. Sure, she was still anxious, but talking to Adora took a lot of the edge off. She walked into her mother’s room and started shoving everything into one of the _donations_ boxes.

“You know…” Adora replied, lowering her voice as if she was about to tell a secret. “She said the pictures are probably going to come out all blurry because you were… _Ahem_ – because you were eye-fucking me all night”.

Catra actually smiled. “Tell her I’ve mastered the art of eye-fucking, so it doesn’t affect my photo-taking skills”.

“It’s good to know you’re such a professional”.

“Oh, yeah, I take eye-fucking _very_ seriously”, she joked, feeling enormous relief at being able to actually tell a joke, as she finished clearing her mother’s closet.

“I’ve noticed”, Adora teased. “Anyway, what’s up?”

Catra frowned. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“Uuuuuh, you were the one who called me”.

Oh. Yeah. Right.

“Oh! Yeah, right, I did… I— _uh_ – just wanted to…” _Hear your voice_. “I just wanted to know if you had any food allergies”.

 _What the fuck was that?_ Catra was supposed to be good at improvised lying. 

“What?” Adora let out a surprised huff. “I’m allergic to shrimp. Why?”

“Uh… Nothing – Just trying to decide what to make for dinner tomorrow”, she said, slapping her own forehead in realization of what she had just implied.

“Wait. Are you going to cook for me?” Adora said smugly.

“Uh – Yeah?”. _Great_. Now on top of everything she had to deal with, Catra would have to learn to make something other than fried eggs or overcooked rice and beans.

That was just perfect.

But she never ran from a challenge.

“Wow, you’re really bringing your A game to this, aren’t you? I’m flattered”.

 _Ha-ha_ , yeah… So now Adora was probably going to expect something from her _terrible_ cooking skills. It just got better and better. “I’ve got my eyes on the prize, princess”, she added with feigned nonchalance. If she could clear her mother's bedroom without breaking into tears, she surely could cook something edible enough to impress the woman that she was irrevocably falling for.

“Is that’s _all_ you have on your mind?”

“What can I say? When I commit to something, I see it through”.

Two boxes down. She let them fall heavy on the floor.

“Huh”, Adora huffed, and if Catra wasn’t so busy dealing with her own conflicting emotions, maybe she would have caught the slight hint of _disappointment_ in her tone. “And what time should I get to your place?”

“Uh -- Around eight- _ish_?”, Catra said as she finished packing another box. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, eight is… Uh—Eight is great”.

“I’ll see you then”.

When they hung up, Catra still tasted the sweet vertigo she always felt whenever she spoke to Adora, even if it was only for a second. Sure, she felt guilty about lying to her – and that meant _a_ _lot_ , since she had no problem with lying to anyone else. But that lie, she told herself, was a necessary safety measure if she wanted to protect any chance of a future that the two of them could have together.

It wouldn’t take much longer for that, Catra thought.

The worst part of the day would soon be over. In a matter of hours, she could go back to worry about far less complicated things, like learning how to cook, kissing Adora and thinking of new and improved ways to make her blush. And this would all be behind her.

She would finally be free.

Or so she hoped.

When she finished going through her mother’s stuff, she marched to her former bedroom feeling afraid and excited at the same time. It would be the first time she would see her old room in more than a decade. How can one prepare for something like this? 

The door was stuck, so she had to put some strength to force it open, which was oddly fitting, given the circumstances.

This was it.

The last room.

 _Her_ room.

Catra blinked and inhaled deeply before opening her eyes again.

And then --

_Oh._

Oh, how stupid she was.

How naïve.

All this time, and she actually thought -- That her old room would still be there.

Of all the things she could have imagined, the most obvious one had completely slipped her mind.

The tears she was trying to hold for all this time started to fall. Who was she trying to fool? 

Catra’s personal belongings were nowhere to be seen – her records, her old cameras, her stuffed animals, her clothes. She went through each drawer, each cabinet. There was nothing. It wasn’t her room anymore. She couldn't even recognize the furniture or the color on the walls. Her mother had gotten rid of everything, anything that could serve as a reminder that Catra had lived there once, any fragment of her past existence had been removed. Stripped. Ripped out. 

It was all gone. 

Catra shook her head in disbelief, exhaling sharply as she started to go through everything again, just to check if she hadn’t missed anything.

She hadn’t.

It was curious because, in some ways, that was exactly what Catra had always wanted – to forget about her past, to pretend that it never happened. But actually _experiencing_ it felt like just the opposite – like it was the _past that had forgotten about her,_ and not the other way around.

Catra had grown accustomed to the feeling that she didn’t belong. But the kind of pain, the kind of outrage that she was feeling now, was very different in nature from her too familiar fears of abandonment.

She felt the pain of being _erased_. Obliterated. 

Small. Insignificant. Meaningless. 

That fucking house had moved on without her. Her mother had moved on without her. Without ever looking back. It hit her like a punch to the stomach, with so much violence. 

She shook her head again, wiped the tears from her face and, strange as it may seem, smiled.

Getting rid of her stuff made perfect sense, considering who her mother was. It was fitting. Fuck - it was _logical_ , as Entrapta would have graciously put it.

She was the one who had been foolish enough to expect anything different. 

And there was something incredibly liberating about that realization.

She could finally stop expecting.

With that on her mind, Catra put the camera back on her face – her shield, the last piece of her armor. She gave it a few more cathartic clicks before gathering the courage to go back to packing. 

The donation boxes went to the back of Scorpia’s pickup truck.

The picture of her grandfather and the house deed were the only things Catra kept for herself.

It was late when she finished, relieved to finally be closing that door behind her, but also devastated; crushed by everything that she saw - and everything that she didn't get to see.

Her old room had disappeared, but it seemed that no matter what she did, no matter how fast she ran, she would always carry it inside her; her baggage, her mess, like a toxic ex-girlfriend who just wouldn't let her be happy with anyone else. She could pack all the cardboard boxes in the world, but in the end, that shadow would still be there, following her, weighing on her, dragging her down.

She thought of Adora again, with a hint of grief. Maybe she should cancel their date tomorrow.

As much as she was in the mood for Adora, she probably wouldn't be in the mood for pretending that any of that had happened. 

But when she arrived at her apartment, the first thing that she saw was the antique camera Adora gave her when they were in the ruins. An exact replica of her first camera, the one her grandfather had giving her, the one that took that picture of him watering the garden. The single part of her past that she could save that wasn’t directly associated with trauma.

Then she remembered. She remembered how Adora’s eyes sparked with pride when Catra opened her present. She remembered how happy she was, just to be there with her. She remembered how Adora's musky smell was her most favorite scent in the world. She remembered how good it was to dance with her, how her voice and her smile made her feel warm inside. 

And fuck, she couldn't resist it.

So she picked up her phone and typed.

_Easy fancy recipes dinner for two_

Google search.

***

“Melog, no, _your_ food is on the bowl right over there”, Catra said, waving a hand at the cat’s direction as he sniffed her plate of spaghetti carbonara. “This one’s _mine_ ”. The feline looked at her with indifference, then turned to Adora.

“Don’t look at me”, Adora said, raising her hands to the air. “You can have my plate, if you want”. Melog approached her and rubbed himself in her hand. Adora started to pet him, smiling in triumph.

“ _Ugh_ , sell out”, Catra snarled.

“Don’t be jealous just because he likes me better”, Adora teased, twirling the spaghetti with her fork and taking it to her mouth. She chewed, then swallowed, and her satisfied expression was absolutely worth all the effort of spending the entire afternoon trying to get that ridiculous recipe right. “Mmmmph!!" The cat jumped back in startledness. "This is _so fucking_ good, you have to taste it, oh, my God”.

Catra tried to suppress a tiny proud smile from showing on her face, quickly managing to turn it into a smug smirk. 

“You’re easy when it comes to food, so it doesn't really count”, she said with snark, before actually tasting the food. _Huh_. It _was_ really good, she thought, astonished by her own accomplishment. 

“Gu-- _Mmmph_ ”, Adora stopped herself from speaking with her mouth full, then swallowed. “Guilty. Especially bacon. I _love_ bacon”, she said as she put more pasta on her plate.

"You love everything that has a flavor".

Adora smiled and gazed at her with dreamy blue eyes, full of hope. "You know -- I think you're probably right".

Catra felt her cheeks burning at those words, for some reason. And from the way Adora was looking at her _now_ , she was sure she was blushing.

“So, do you want anything to drink? I think I have some wine”, she said, trying to shove her embarrassment in the hidden depths of her soul.

“Only if you'll join me”.

"Of course, dumbass, what kind of host would I be if I didn't?".

Adora chuckled. "Okay, then, sure".

Catra went to the kitchen.

"Don't think for a second I haven't noticed what you're doing", Adora raised her voice so Catra could hear her from the kitchen.

"Yeah? And what I am doing, princess?" Catra asked as she returned to the dining table with two glasses of wine.

"Trying to make it harder for me not to sleep with you tonight".

Catra's heart leaped. She smiled. "And how well am I doing?"

"I think you'll find out by the end of the evening".

Catra smirked. They raised their glasses at each other before drinking.

The first half of the evening ran rather smoothly. The food she cooked was surprisingly good, the wine was delicious, there would be ice cream for dessert. Adora was so confident around her, so sure of herself, giving her plenty of signs that she was ready to forget about going slow and just get to the fucking already. She was acting like she wasn't really holding herself back anymore.

Catra, on the other hand, still was - but in an entirely different way. Adora would leave her in a heartbeat if she ever witnessed Catra's shadow. But as much as she was trying to pretend that _yesterday_ didn't happen, she could still feel it there, trying to scratch the surface to make an appearance.

She had to keep it in just a little bit longer. Adora was the one who asked to move the conversation to Catra’s couch. She was the one who turned some music on, leaned her back against the arm of the sofa and invited Catra to rest her head on her lap, as Melog curled up next to her feet for a nap. 

While stroking Catra's head with her fingers, Adora told her all about Glimmer's birthday and about how excited she was for next week, when she would have her last deposition session before Prime’s trial. Her touches were so sweet, so caring, Catra felt her insecurities tickling her throat.

_Would this last?_

_Would Adora stay?_

“Oh, you’re not going to believe this”, she cackled. “Bow adopted a caterpillar”.

Catra almost spilled her drink. “Bow did _what_?”

“He found a caterpillar in his garden and didn’t have the gut to kill it”.

“You can’t be serious. Tell me you're joking”. 

“No, I’m being _super_ serious. He’s going to take care of it until it turns into a butterfly”, Adora said, taking a sip of her wine. “He even gave it a name”, she said with a light chuckle.

“Oh, my _God_ , why is everything so weird around you nerds?”, Catra laughed nervously. “What was the name?”.

“Kowl”.

“You’re making this shit up”, Catra said with snark.

“I swear I’m not”.

“What kind of a name is _Kowl_?”

“Well, what kind of a name is _Melog_?” Adora asked teasingly, her fingers lazily moving up and down Catra's chin.

“Just so you know, _Melog_ is _golem_ spelled backwards”, she replied complacently, tilting her head up to look at Adora’s puzzled expression.

“The _what with the what_ now?”

Catra smiled nostalgically. “You _really_ don’t remember anything you said that night at the Grotto, do you?”

Adora’s bewildered expression turned into complete embarrassment.

“Oh, God… No. But, yeah, that sounds like something my drunk self would say”.

“Your drunk self is pretty cool, I think I like her better".

"So that was your plan with the wine then". 

"Well, I think she said some very interesting things”, There was irony in her tone, but Catra was actually being honest, as she thought of the words that Adora whispered in her ear that night, the ones that felt too good to be true.

“Sorry to break it to you, but after that third shot of tequila and those beers... My brain just stopped working, I have no idea what I said. Probably some incoherent nonsense, from what you are telling me”.

Oh. Yeah. Well. Sure, that checked.

“Yeah… Yeah, I figured”, she said with a forced smile. "Just incoherent nonsense".

Obviously Adora didn't remember asking Catra to take her home. Clearly she had no memory of saying that Catra had been the only one who could make her lose control, who could make her beg, who could make her want to touch herself in the middle of the day just from hearing her voice. And of course Adora would never remember to confess to Catra with giggling eyes, like a child who cannot be trusted with a secret, that she was falling in love. Or that she asked Catra to _please_ be wary of her heart, because she wasn't sure that she would be able to heal if it happened to break again, before desperately pressing her lips to hers again.

Yeah, I mean... Why would she remember any of that? Heh.

Intelectually, Catra knew that Adora not remembering those words didn't mean anything.

Intelectually, Catra knew that they had been dating for a month and that it would be perfectly normal if Adora didn't have any of those feelings for her yet.

Emotionally, however... It felt a little like a rejection - even though Catra knew that it had _nothing_ to do with Adora and _everything_ to do with all the feelings that were turning over inside her since yesterday.

After experiencing the disappearing act of her old abandoned self, small, silly things that wouldn't bother her in other circumstances seemed bigger than they really were.

And she couldn’t handle those feelings, especially not when she was just trying to have a fun, casual fourth date. 

But she couldn’t shake them. There was something awkward happening in her chest, a feeling of unsettlement and inadequacy that made her tongue feel big and jittery and numb whenever Adora looked at her.

She sat up, trying to remember how to breathe.

“Catra? Are you okay?” Adora asked, wrapping her arm around her in reassurance. “Did I… Did I say something that upset you?”

Catra could sense that shadow dancing with her thoughts and insecurities, making her doubt herself, doubt the nature of Adora’s feelings for her. 

It was happening.

Their bubble was about to burst.

So, instead of answering with actual words, Catra made the mistake of trying to turn those feelings into something else. Something that she could deal with, something that she knew how to express.

She turned herself around to kiss Adora, hungrily, desperately, like a death row prisoner would savor their last meal. Her hands were quick under Adora’s shirt, on her stomach, on her breasts. Her touches were aggressive, needy, possessive; her nails dug into Adora’s skin, as if she was trying to claw herself all the way out of her own body.

She just wanted to escape herself.

To find shelter under Adora’s skin.

To keep her tight inside that alternate reality in which everything was perfect just because they were together.

“Woah, woah, woah”, Adora nervously stood up from the couch to break the contact, panting heavily. “ _Heh_ \-- W-what are you doing?”, she said, trying and failing to button her halfway opened shirt.

“ _Please_ , Adora", she literally begged. "Let's just forget about that stupid bet for a second, please, just --”. _Help me escape_. 

Catra struggled to breathe and Adora must have sensed it, because she came closer and started to stroke her shoulders fondly - but she didn’t sit down on the couch again. “Sorry -- Just — _Please_ ”.

Adora shot her a worried look, still standing, still cautious, still stroking her shoulders. “Catra, you're gonna have to answer me. What is it? We were talking and… I-I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

“I’m _fine_ ”, she said, very unconvincingly, avoiding Adora's eyes, on the verge of a full panic attack.

This was surreal. Why was she reacting like this? 

“Okay, so it’s pretty obvious to me that you’re _not_ fine. What happened? Was it something I said?”

“No. It’s nothing”, Catra lied. “I’m okay”.

“Oh, _come on_ , Catra, don’t bullshit me. You promised--”, Adora was starting to sound offended, maybe even a little angry. “Listen, I _know_ you. Maybe more than you would like. I _know_ there’s something bothering you since yesterday when we talked on the phone.

 _Fuck_.

“But I can’t help you, if you don’t tell me”.

“I just don’t want to talk about it”, Catra whined, like a stubborn child would, reaching for Adora’s hand and trying to pull her in again. This time, though, Adora didn’t let herself be pulled.

“Catra, look at me…”, she said with utter seriousness, and Catra obeyed. “If you want me to go... Tell me, and I'll go. But if you want me to stay… We’re not doing _this_ again. We’ve tried this before and it didn’t work for any of us. So, _please_ \-- I can handle whatever you have to tell me, but I can’t handle any more of _this_ ”.

Catra understood what that meant immediately. _Just be careful with my heart, because if it breaks again, I don't think I will be able to put its pieces back together._ She released Adora’s hand in some kind of tacit agreement, leaning her head against Adora’s belly.

“I’m sorry”, Catra confessed weakly.

“It's okay. I don’t want you to feel sorry. I want you to take a deep breath and tell me what’s wrong”. Adora gently repositioned herself to sit on the floor, her hands now resting on each side of Catra’s hips, her voice soft but worried. “You can trust me”. 

Catra tried to comply. She took another long, deep breath.

“It’s just… Too much”, was all that she managed to say at first.

“What do you… Oh”. Adora almost jumped back. “Are you… A-are you having second thoughts?”, she stuttered. “About us?”

Catra almost laughed at how silly Adora was, but she quickly acknowledged that it would be a very inappropriate reaction. So she considered the alternative. 

And if that changed anything between them... Well, at least she would know. She inhaled, feeling suddenly ready for what it felt like the ultimate sacrifice - to rummage through her past memories to do justice to the person she wanted in her present. She met Adora's gaze reached for her hand again, squeezing it firmly.

“No”, she said with her last shred of confidence. “It has _nothing_ to do with you”.

Adora’s expression softened.

Then Catra started.

She told her everything.

How her mother tormented her when she was a child, then kicked her out of the house after finding out that she liked girls. How she had to live in subway stations for weeks. How she was arrested more than a few times before meeting Scorpia and her mothers at the LGBT+ youth center they owned. How she found out that her mother had died. How she went back there after almost a decade.

She spared no detail.

Through it all, Adora listened.

And although her expression changed on occasion, Catra noted that at no time did she show any sign of pity or disgust. And that was just the kind of reassurance that Catra needed. When she finally finished talking, she felt like her better self again.

Soft.

Tender.

“I’m sorry”, was all Adora said, her head resting against Catra’s knees, her fingers stroking Catra’s calf. “I had no idea”.

“Adora, you didn't know. You have nothing to feel sorry for”.

“I know it must’ve been hard for you to tell me that. I understand it a little bit better now”, she said, moving up to the couch and kissing Catra’s cheek, placing an arm around her shoulder. “Thank you for trusting me”.

“It wasn’t fair to you, not telling. You deserved to know why I snapped at you that day. And why I was freaking out just now”.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more patient. I should’ve ---”.

“Adora, no. Please don’t go there. It’s not your job to-- You’re not obliged to deal with my shit. You have your own problems. I’m the one who has to sort this out. You were right to leave when you did”.

“Maybe”.

“Believe me, you were. You leaving was a fucking wake up call, actually. Made me realize how fucked up I really am”.

“No, no, no, don’t say that. I don’t think—” She sighed. “You’re not fucked up. No more than anyone else, at least”, she said with an honest smile. “You’re… Fuck, you’re extraordinary”.

“Yeah, right”, Catra snorted.

“No, you _are_ ”, she repeated. “To me, you are”.

She took Catra’s hands in hers, kissed it, then started to speak again. “I’m not saying it to make you feel better-- This is… This is not something I’ve _just_ realized _now_ , because you told me about your past. It’s nothing like that. I mean, knowing what happened to you helps me understand you, the choices you’ve made, your actions, your reactions. But it didn’t… It doesn’t _change_ how I — It doesn’t change anything”.

Catra shot her a skeptical look, still silent.

“I _mean_ it. Look at you”. She placed a chaste kiss on Catra’s lips. “You are amazing”. A second kiss. “I--”. She turned herself on the couch, so they were face to face instead of side by side. “Whatever happens, I’m so _proud_ that—I mean, of all people… I feel so _lucky_ to have met you and that I got to be the person that you decided to share your story with. That you trusted this dumb blonde princess after all”. Another tender kiss, and this time Catra was actually smiling under her lips. "I just wish you could see yourself through my eyes... Everything about you makes me feel so happy. Did you know that? And that just makes me want to return the favor". Adora paused to look at her, _really_ look at her, those fiery blue eyes of hers about to confess. “And I think I know why".

She held Catra's gaze, taking a deep breath before trying to speak again. "I think that... I _know_ that I'm--"

And Catra didn’t need Adora to say anything else, because she _knew_ her words were real. They were real at the Grotto and they were real _now_ , even if Catra didn’t let her finish the sentence.

She _knew_ , because of the way Adora was looking at her _right now_.

As if her mismatched eyes could be her _home_.

Catra felt that warmth piercing through her chest, then she kissed Adora with everything she had, as the tears started to roll down her cheeks.

Then Adora held her tight, stroked her hair, kissed her wrist, told her that everything would be okay.

Adora stayed.

And that was all that mattered.

For one year they had been playing this on and off, back-and-forth game.

And the hours they spent together that night, talking and sharing their life stories, kissing and telling dumb jokes or playing games while tangled into each other’s arms… Those hours made Catra feel as if that part of her, the part that was good, soft and tender, the part of her that could even learn how to love… Catra felt that it wasn’t just a _part._ Not anymore.

She felt that it was _whole_. That it was whole and it was _breathing_.

For better or for worse, Catra _existed_. She had made a life for herself – and a pretty good one, as she was starting to realize – in spite of her childhood, in spite of her mother. She had _survived_.

But now, she wanted to do more than just that.

It took her a very long time and a great deal of effort to find something that made her feel that she was worth it.

And now that she had found her, now that she had her, she wasn't going to let anyone take her away from her. Not even herself.

In order to do that... Okay. So she was definitely calling that therapist Perfuma recommended on Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who hurt my Catra and why was it me???
> 
> Sorry, I just have to tie all the loose ends before wrapping this up :) 
> 
> Be sure to leave your thoughts!
> 
> Oh, by the way, in case you're into photography (or even if you're not), "punctum" is a concept by French author Roland Barthes. You can read more about it in the book "Camera Lucida: Reflections on Photography" (in French: La Chambre Claire / in Portuguese: A Câmara Clara).
> 
> Title credit: MSMR - Hurricane
> 
> Song that Catra listens to when she's at her old house, thinking about Adora: Tegan and Sara - Closer


	15. I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora faces Prime's lawyer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a while, hasn't it?
> 
> But here I am.
> 
> Well, my excuse is as good as any: there was the end of the semester, then Christmas, then 2020 FINALLY ended. I really wanted to have posted this sooner, since we're really getting to the end of this fic now, but everything's just... So much right now.
> 
> Anyways, I bring you another yet chapter of this sapphic love story featuring two dumb lesbians. 
> 
> A few notes:
> 
> \- Not a lawyer, so don't sue me if I said anything wildly stupid, although I did my research (which consists on having watched way too many hours of The Good Wife and The Good Fight, basically). If everything fails, just assume Etheria has its own set of laws if you wish.  
> \- "Keston" is based on Keston John, the voice actor who plays Hordak, Prime and all the clones. I just couldn't have a character called Wrong Hordak, so. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments section, I love reading what you have to say :)

Adora used to love Mondays. She would wake up early, make herself some coffee, go out for a morning run at Whispering Woods Park and head to the newsroom for the weekly staff meeting at Horde Daily. She thrived in it, looked forward to it. Going to work used to be something that excited her, elated her, made her feel like she had a was a part of something important. More than the regularity of a routine, Adora loved feeling that her actions mattered, that she could make a difference to the world.

It made her feel relevant.

And while she was proud of her most recent accomplishments, while she knew that her doings had helped bringing down a corrupt religious leader, Mondays were no longer the same.

She still woke up early, had coffee and went out for a run – in a mechanical effort to keep things as they once were, perhaps. But those actions were empty, they lacked any real meaning, now.

The thrill of Mondays, the thrill of starting a new week, was simply gone.

It’s not like she was complaining. Heading Brightmoon Hospital’s communication department wasn’t bad, exactly. It paid well, the staff was nice and there was less pressure than what she would get on any given newsroom. Plus, she got to hang out with Glimmer every day, Bow joined them for lunch often and getting to make out with Catra in the middle of corporate events was definitely among the perks.

Adora beamed shyly, the memory of them kissing in the rain, Catra’s hand between her thighs, it flickered over her body. Her chest and skin radiated with warmth as she tied her sneaker’s shoelaces. Yeah, there were many advantages to working at the hospital, after all.

Still, she couldn’t shake that feeling of being out of place. Corporate communication was a way to pay her bills, sure, but other than that… It wasn’t enough. It didn’t have any real meaning to Adora. And it's not just that it wasn't her _passion_ , it was more than that. Corporate communication wasn't what she believed she should be _doing_ with her life. In a way, she felt like she had been _robbed_ of her arguably limited powers to expose wrongdoings and help marginalized people tell their stories to the public. If you’re into sports metaphors, it was a little like she had been sent to the bench right in the middle of an important match when she still had so much more to offer to the team.

Mondays were a rather painful reminder of everything that had happened to her, a reminder that she wasn’t where she belonged anymore.

The private and public attacks that Adora endured since she first published the story about Prime sexually assaulting women who followed him and attended his church, had taken a heavy toll on her spirit. She relinquished her online presence in favor of some necessary peace of mind, but that choice came with a price – once again, it meant standing on the outside, on the margins of her own narrative, passively watching her life go by from the backseat.

You see, it wasn’t in Adora’s nature not to fight back.

While she wasn’t used to fight for _herself_ , she was more than willing and eager to fight for anyone else. And the fact that she _couldn’t_ was deeply frustrating. Adora didn’t care about fame, public recognition or even about her reputation, really. But she cared a whole lot about putting her talents and skills to good use. She elicited a sense of _self-worth_ from her work, mainly because she was taught to believe that she was just as valuable as what she could _do_ for _others_.

Needless to say, she wasn’t feeling very valuable lately.

Although she couldn't get the kind of validation that she needed from her current job, she was trying to do what she could to ensure that Counselor Prime would never see the light of day again. In her spare time, she continued to investigate for evidence that could be useful against him and regularly cooperated with the assistant district attorney who was processing the case, a fierce, cutthroat lady named Netossa, whom Adora came to admire pretty quickly after they met.

Netossa was a born strategist, ruthless and goal-oriented, and she was sparing no effort to present a case that was airtight enough to hold a conviction against someone as powerful and articulate as Prime. And for that, she wanted to include the evidence that was released to the press prior to the beginning of the investigation, most of which was illegally obtained by Adora’s anonymous source. That way, getting Adora’s statement on the record was part of a strategy to present important evidence, such as videos and chat transcripts, that would otherwise be inadmissible at trial. Adora being fired as collateral damage right after the story was published fit the prosecution's narrative well, and after some arm wrestling with the defense, the judge assigned to the case agreed that all the data gathered during Adora’s reporting and previously released to the public could be used in that context.

After losing a motion to suppress said evidence, Prime's defense focused on trying to prove that the content was false and therefore unreliable, precisely because of the way it was obtained in the first place. Therefore, they were determined to reveal who was the mysterious whistleblower that leaked the information to Adora, in order to undermine them.

Adora couldn’t be forced to testify in court due to reporter’s privilege, in order to protect the confidentiality of her source. But she had agreed to sit in several deposition sessions with Netossa so that she could account for her fact-checking process and hopefully offer some context to the theory that Prime conspired to get her fired from the newspaper – which was difficult to prove, because, up until that point, there was no legal way to establish a connection between Prime and Hordak.

But if there was a slim possibility that she could be of use to make sure that Prime ended up in jail, Adora would take it. Getting Prime behind bars became her own personal mission – the women who trusted her to tell their story to the world, the women who had been used, hurt, and assaulted by him, deserved justice.

 _“Yeah, but what about you?”_ Catra asked as Adora lazily stroked her belly, fingers finding their way under her shirt, the two of them lying on Catra's couch at almost four in the morning.

“Me? _What do you mean?_ ” Her fingers paused as Catra turned around in her arms to face her, their faces so close together it was impossible for Adora not to kiss her. They kissed, and Adora searched for Catra’s hand with her own, intertwining their fingers together.

It had been like that for the whole evening – Adora would interrupt their conversation and kiss her deeply for no apparent reason other than her being physically uncapable of resisting Catra for too long. Of course, Catra teased her ceaselessly over it, but Adora was starting to care less and less about that. And the thing was, after such an emotional evening, after everything Catra entrusted her with, she felt like they both deserved some sweetness and comfort.

When they eventually parted, Catra continued.

“ _I mean-- Yeah, sure, of course, he should spend the rest of his sorry life in jail for what he’s done to those women, and I hope he pretty much rots and dies there, or whatever, but meanwhile you lost your fucking job and got targeted by a massive hate campaign over this. Aren’t you angry about that?”._

 _“Well… Sure I am”._ Adora consented after considering Catra’s question for a second. _“But I’m hardly a priority here”_ , she said with a shrug.

 _“And why the hell not?”_ Catra scoffed in outrage, like Adora had just said the most ridiculous, idiotic thing on earth.

“ _Uh…”_

“ _Adora, he literally used you to get away with his crimes. He invaded your personal life and used it against you. People harass you in the streets. You can’t get a proper job anywhere. He completely screwed you over just because you were in his way. Don’t you think Prime and that creep of your ex-boss should pay for that?”_

 _“But they will. They are going to go to jail for a very long time”_ , Adora said hopefully, hooking her chin over Catra’s shoulder to playfully nibble her earlobe.

 _“Yeah, but not for what they’ve done to you”,_ Catra turned around again and leaned her back against Adora’s chest. _“They’re gonna pay for other shit”._

 _“Other much more important and serious shit, Catra”_ , Adora said with a chuckle, kissing Catra’s neck as Melog jumped to the arm of the couch and licked her elbow, the rough sensation of his tongue tickling her skin. 

_“I don’t really see a difference, princess. They should pay for everything_. _People should know what those assholes did to you”,_ Catra said, raising her arm over Adora’s shoulder to caress Melog’s head.

Adora’s fingers went back to softly stroking Catra’s stomach. _“At this point, I’m just glad they’ll go down for something, really. Besides, if they’re convicted, it means I did my job right. My name is going to be cleared anyway”_.

 _“Yeah, indirectly, sure. But I just mean…”._ Then Catra’s gaze met hers, that enraged fire in those mismatched eyes giving way to something soft, sweet, almost reverent. “ _You deserve justice, too”_.

Then they kissed again, and clumsily pressed their bodies together, laughing as they tried to fit in an admittedly small couch. And it was as if nothing could ever harm them, as long as they held each other.

A small smile appeared in the blonde’s lips as she remembered how their fourth date ended, how unbelievably close she felt to Catra that night. As they spent more time together, Catra was starting to look less and less like a fantasy, and more like a real-life person.

A person she hoped to be able to wake up with once.

More than once, if she allowed herself to dream.

Regardless of how things would turn out between them in the end, she could see that Catra was putting an actual effort to communicate a little better – using her words, I mean. She was seemingly getting a little more comfortable in showing Adora see her vulnerable side, one that was carefully hidden beneath several layers of snark and bad attitude. And now that Adora understood where her trust and relationship issues came from, being the person Catra allowed to see her without her armor felt like winning the jackpot.

That thought alone made Adora’s heart rate increase, as if the dumb organ beating in her chest had a will of its own and were trying to match its beat to the music playing in her ears as she finished her first lap.

As it had become her custom, Adora was trying – _very hard_ – not to assume that Catra trusting her with her past could mean anything other than what it was. Whatever Catra’s feelings for Adora were, and if they were enough for her to give relationships an actual try, it remained to be said. And being patient wasn't easy when her heart was on the line, but she was willing to wait.

For now.

Because while she still wasn’t sure about how Catra felt about her, if there was one thing that she was coming to know with increasing clarity, it was how she felt about Catra.

That soft, warm feeling had settled in her chest, growing and spreading like a living thing that made her heart swell with such unrestrained, unconditional affection.

It tried to expand every time she saw Catra, trying to express itself with kisses, touches, caresses. Pretty soon, Adora knew, it would need to express itself with actual words. Adora felt it on her throat the last time they were together, and if Catra hadn't kissed her, it would be out in the open by now. 

A force to be reckoned with.

Wanting to be seen. Wanting to be acknowledged. 

And truthfully, she didn’t know how long she would be able to hold it in.

It wasn’t _heavy_ , though. It didn’t come with the weight of expectations, regret or guilt. It didn’t come with a cost, didn’t make demands, didn’t ask anything from her.

It just… _Was_.

And it was without asking for permission. And it spread because it couldn’t be contained.

And it made Adora contemplate the possibility that perhaps she had understood it backwards. Perhaps she wasn’t just as important as what she could do for others. Perhaps she was valuable for her own sake. Simply for existing.

For _being_.

Catra made Adora feel that she deserved to want things. Ordinary things like justice. For _herself_.

It was a chilly day, a reminder that this crazy year was just about to end, and the wind that blew through the trees at Whispering Woods Park seemed determined to make the experience of going out for a run feel especially colder that morning. But the sun was up, relentless, refusing to yield to the turn of the seasons, and there was something about the contrast between the sunbeams and the cool breeze, ice and fire bickering over her skin, that made Adora’s smile grow wider.

She took a deep breath, slamming her eyes closed behind her sunglasses, that beautiful feeling deliciously tugging at her chest every time Catra's face, or her words, made an appearance in her thoughts. Her pace increased, and before she knew it, she was running to the beat of the music, her heart pounding with renewed energy.

To the point that it didn’t even feel like she was running anymore. To the point that it felt like she was floating.

She didn’t notice it right away. In fact, oblivious as she was, she didn’t notice it at all.

But it was there again, taking her into yet another lap.

The thrill of Mondays.

***

Micah talked to the receptionist while Adora stood beside him with arms crossed, digging her nails into her biceps. She did that whenever she was anxious, a nasty habit ever since she was a kid, more than often responsible for leaving pink halfmoon marks all over her otherwise pale skin.

Adora had been there once before, but now she was giving herself some time to study the room around her, trying to keep the anxiety from building by turning her attention to small, insignificant details such as the amount of ceiling lamps or the shape of the floor tiles. The office was in one of those fancy corporate buildings in Brightmoon. It looked more like a hospital than a law firm: large, impersonal rooms with transparent glass walls; too clean, too bright, too white.

Prime’s defense attorney had asked the court to order Adora to sit for one last deposition session, since she had refused to testify at trial. Glimmer's father, Micah, a renowned lawyer, offered to represent Adora during those meetings, free of charge.

Adora had already sat for a long and strenuous deposition required by Prime’s defense a couple of weeks ago, but for some reason they demanded another – which meant that something new had probably turned up during discovery. Adora was paranoically trying to figure out what that _something_ might be, and much to her frustration, she came to no reasonable conclusion.

“Mr. Keston’s on his way, if you two want to take a seat”, the receptionist added flatly as he hung up the phone. "Would you like some coffee? Tea? Water?"

“I’ll take some coffee, thank you”, Micah replied with a friendly grin. “Adora?”

Adora felt Micah’s hand on her shoulder and instinctively uncrossed her arms, glancing at him with a forced smile and a crease of worry between her eyebrows.

“Water, please”, she managed to say as they sat down the couch by the receptionist’s desk.

Micah threw her a reassuring smile, and they stood there waiting for Prime’s lawyer to arrive for a few minutes. When Adora’s parents died, Glimmer’s family kind of adopted her as their own kid – Adora even lived in their house for some time, when she was too afraid to sleep by herself. Every Christmas, every holiday, she always knew she could go to them. 

“Miss Grayskull! Mr. Queen! Welcome!” Adora tried to hide her disgust at Keston’s voice, but being a terrible actress as she was, she was pretty sure she did a terrible job. She stood up to follow him into one of the depo rooms, Micah by her side. “I hope you had a pleasant weekend”, he added, and Adora wondered how delightful it would be to hit him on the back of the head with a blunt object.

Keston reminded her of Hordak, and maybe Prime himself – they may not look the same, but they all shared that same patronizing, egotistical, full-of-themselves demeanor. Glimmer called them _clones_ when they were having lunch once. Adora thought it suited them perfectly.

When they entered the room, the stenographer was already in her seat, ready to take Adora’s statement. She sat down and did the whole thing where she vowed that her testimony would be based on the truth, and nothing but the truth, under penalties of perjury, yada-yada-yada.

Then Keston began.

Time to find out what was the card up in his sleeve.

“Miss Grayskull, if you don’t mind, I would like to show you something before I begin with the questioning”. Ugh. Adora rolled her eyes. “Would that be alright with you?”

Oh, how Adora hated that condescending, obnoxious tone. She shifted from side to side on her chair, her palms starting to sweat against the glass table.

“Yeah, sure”. She replied with forced casualness, trying her best not to sound confrontational or defensive.

Keston smiled then took a remote control from the table. He pointed it at one of the many TV screens in the room, clicked. “Could you please describe what you see on the video?”

Adora and Micah leaned forward. The screen started showing what it looked like a security camera footage, one that Adora didn’t recognize right away. There were three people in the black and white video, filmed at reasonable distance, having what appeared to be an argument – but Adora couldn’t hear what they were saying, as there was no sound playing. After a few seconds trying to adjust her eyes into the view, the three subjects, as well as their actions, started to look familiar.

She then realized what she was watching: the security video recorded on the night she and Catra were attacked in Salineas.

Adora froze for a moment, shooting Micah a concerned look before speaking. She didn’t know where this was going, but she sure as hell didn’t like how it started. She cleared her throat to suppress a nervous stutter, trying to keep her voice steady. “It’s me, being approached and harassed by Tung Lashor, one of _your client’s_ followers, then punching him in the face”.

“Thank you, Miss Grayskull, although I must state for the record that there is no evidence to support the hypothesis that Mr. Lashor, who was convicted for this assault, is one of Minister Prime’s followers, as you phrased it”. Double _ugh_. “Now, can you tell me when and where this happened?”

“Objection”, Micah’s voice was firm and low, Keston turned his head to face him. “How is this relevant to the case?”

“If you kindly let me finish, counsel, I promise you’ll agree that it is, indeed, quite relevant”.

Micah huffed and reluctantly nodded at Adora, indicating that she should respond.

“I don’t remember the exact date, but it happened a couple of weeks ago, in Salineas. I think it must’ve been around 10 PM”, she said, taking a sip of water.

“I see. Miss Grayskull, I’m curious, are you always this… Violent?”

Was _that_ what he was aiming for? Trying to make her look like she was dangerous? Adora couldn’t predict what his endgame was, and it was making her increasingly nervous.

“Objection. Court ruling has already established that my client acted in self-defense in that situation”.

“Of course, my apologies, counsel. Miss Grayskull, can you please tell me who is the other woman on the video?”.

Adora shuddered and shot a suspicious look at Micah.

“Uh -- Her name is Catra”. It bothered her immensely that Catra was somehow being dragged into this and she had to put an effort not to show it in her voice. She didn’t want Keston to think of Catra as Adora’s _weakness_ , as Netossa would surely have phrased it. “I really don’t see how it has anything to do –“

“That would be all, Miss Grayskull, thank you. And how would you define her relationship with this… Catra?”

 _How is this any of your business?_ , Adora almost hissed, uncomfortable about discussing her complicated relationship status with Prime’s defense lawyer. Either way, what _was_ her relationship with Catra, anyway? Adora wasn’t even sure she knew how to answer that. “She’s my— We’re-- uh, we’re dating”.

“It’s okay, Miss Grayskull. Don’t worry. We’re not here to judge you or your life choices”.

Adora clenched her teeth, her eye twitching with poorly controlled anger. _Inhale, exhale_. He’s just trying to get to you. This will soon be over. Don’t react. Don’t give him anything that might put Catra in a vulnerable position. Breathe.

“Counsel, stick to the questioning. If you keep badgering my client --”

“Alright, let’s make it short, then, shall we? Miss Grayskull, if you could please be kind enough to tell me what this other recording is”, he pressed play again, another video flashed on the screen.

Adora gasped. Her muscles tensed lightly as she recognized the video Catra made using her cellphone that night. While the security footage was distant and impersonal, making it possible for Adora to watch as if the situation had happened to someone else, Catra’s video felt very much like the real thing. It all came back to her in a flash – how afraid she felt, how helpless. How outraged.

Adora wasn’t at all prepared for reliving such traumatic and intense events, especially not there, especially not in front of Prime’s defense lawyer, of all people.

But again, she knew that was just a strategy to intimidate her, to weaken her and cause her to make a slip. She could have asked to take a break but decided not to. She wanted to show Keston that she was above it, that she wasn’t going to play his game and let herself be bullied into giving him what he wanted.

She placed her hands over her lap, under the table, and started to flex her fingers, focusing on the movement as she opened and closed her hands repeatedly.

Looking directly at Keston, not the screen, she replied.

“It’s a video Catra made using her cellphone”, she said, trying to relax her jaw.

“In fact, she posted this same video publicly on a social media application and it went viral, is that correct?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m not on social media anymore”. But _that_ would explain how he got that specific video in the first place.

“Oh, yes, you two are quite famous now”. Again, that obnoxious chuckle. Micah was about to object, but then he continued. “But that's not what I'm interested in. On the day this live broadcast was made, directly from miss Catra Lima's personal profile, some of her followers chatted in real time with her. Miss Grayskull, can you please read these names on the screen for me?”

Adora exhaled in discomfort and turned her head to face the screen again, squinting her eyes to read the chat transcript on display. “S-Scorpia… Lonnie, E-Entrapta, Kyle”, she said with a puzzled expression, still trying to guess what Keston’s motives could be. “I don’t get why—"

“And would you say these people are good friends with _your_ … Catra?”

Adora's eyes twitched, as she became more and more irritated each time Keston pronounced Catra's name like that, slowly, almost singing, as if the name itself were a threat. He must have noticed her reaction because his lips proceeded to turn into a subtle smirk.

“Objection. Calls for speculation. Counsel, my client can’t speak for someone else’s relationships”, Micah said, and Adora took that fortunate interruption as an opportunity to stabilize her breathing, unclenching her muscles.

“Fair enough. Strike that. Miss Grayskull, are you familiar with an organization called The Darla Network?”

She still couldn’t see it, but Adora knew that answering that question would probably mean walking right into a trap. However, she was under oath, so there was no other option but to tell the truth.

“Yes”, she limited herself to say.

He smiled. “And to your knowledge, what is the purpose of said organization?”

“It’s—uh – it’s an organization that publishes news leaks and classified media provided by anonymous sources”.

“That is correct. In fact, they leaked private information about your former boss, Hordak, isn’t that so?”.

"Yes", Adora said weakly. “But I didn’t—"

“And were you aware that one of the primary suspects in running that organization is a cybercriminal who goes by the alias… Emily?”

“No, I wasn’t aware of that”. She said, shooting Micah another nervous look. “What I --”.

“And that although Emily's real identity remains unknown, the police have strong reasons to believe that she is, in fact, an Etherian woman whose name is Entrapta?”

_Whose name is what, now?_

No.

Uh-uh.

That couldn’t be right.

“Uh… No, I did not know that”, she said faintly, struggling to process that new bit of explosive information while trying to prevent her expression from showing any sign of confusion.

If Keston was telling her the truth, then —

“Now remind me, Miss Grayskull, wasn’t that one of the names you just read? One of… _Catra’s_ acquaintances?”

She had never actually met Entrapta, but yes, Catra had mentioned being friends with her on more than one occasion. She lived in Dryl. She liked tiny food. Catra used her as a model for that photograph she liked. That was all she knew. Adora had no idea what she did for a living, or if she had a way with computers.

But she did remember that Entrapta was the one who investigated Tung Lashor and found his address that evening…

It didn't make sense.

Adora and Catra weren’t even together when all the stuff about Hordak came out. Fuck, forget _together_ , they weren’t even _speaking_ at the time.

Could it really be possible that Catra was willing to fight for her, even then?

That she was willing to put herself in crazy, irresponsible, stupid danger, and to face the risk of being caught and maybe arrested…

For Adora?

"Adora, you don’t have answer that”, Micah advised, and that was a great coincidence, because Adora was too busy having a whole conversation with herself to say anything out loud right now. “Counsel, that's a whole lot of guesswork, isn't it? I think we’ve all heard enough of this nonsense. Do you have anything real or are you just wasting my client’s time?"

Keston gave Micah a piercing, threatening look, which left his face and turned into an empty expression as quickly as he started to speak again. “I am simply trying to establish a connection between Miss Grayskull and a well-known hacker who could have fed her with the false information she published about my client, so that she could profit from his downfall”.

Adora glanced at him with sudden fury.

Maybe it was the irritating way the edge of Keston’s lips trembled a little before he turned them into one of his phony smiles. Maybe it was his choice of words and the way he said them, like a villain explaining his evil plan at the end of a bad action movie. Maybe it was the animalistic urge to protect Catra at all costs.

Or maybe it was knowing that Catra believed that she was someone worth fighting for.

It doesn’t matter what ultimately pushed Adora to the edge. When she heard Prime’s lawyer say those words, she felt something snapping deep inside of her, as if her last boundary had been broken beyond repair, telling her that it was enough.

All the strength inside her had been unleashed. And it wasn’t going to hold back anymore.

 _She deserved justice, too_.

“So that _I_ could _profit_?” Adora scoffed, repeating Keston’s words back at him, her hands firm and steady on the table as she stood up from her seat. She looked down at the lawyer, suddenly feeling enormous, gigantic, as if she were eight-foot-tall and able to crush him with just her stare.

“Miss Grayskull, if you kindly want to take your seat again, there’s no need to get _emotional_ over this”.

Adora felt Catra’s words burning in her ears. _They should pay. They should pay for everything_. And then her own words started to combust.

“Believe me, _nothing_ about this whole story benefited me in _any way_ , Mr. Keston. If this was about me trying to _profit_ , I would have kept my mouth shut and would never be dumb enough to pick up a fight with one of Etheria’s most powerful men. But this is not about me. This is about your client being a serial rapist. And since _you_ can’t prove that he isn’t one, you’re trying to use _me_ as his escape goat to cover up for his crimes”.

“Adora, perhaps we should take a break—".

“No, Micah, thank you, but I honestly don’t care if I’m on the record, I need to say this and _you’re_ going to sit down and _fucking_ listen to me, jackass”.

“I should advise you to mind your language, Miss Grays—".

“I’m sick and tired of staying quiet and waiting around for the wheels to turn while other people try to get a say at _my story_. I’m sick of people calling me names, spreading lies about me, using my past and my personal life to divert attention from the only culprit here. Your client _raped_ those women. And possibly many others. He deserves to go to jail for the rest of his whole damn life. Period. There’s no other way to spin this. It doesn’t _matter_ how I got the information, because it doesn’t make it any _less true_. You _know_ you cannot force me to disclose any information about my source, and yet here you are, trying to _imply_ that someone from _my_ life could be implicated in this, that _I_ could be implicated in this, because there is a _vague possibility_ that the person _I’m in love with_ is somehow connected to someone who _might_ have the same name as a hacker? And you can’t even prove any of _that_? Seriously, can you hear how ridiculous that all sounds? Well, if your goal was to intimidate me, you’ve miscalculated, because you just _pissed me off_. Try to use me like that again and I _swear_ that I’ll make it my goal in life to _fuck you over_ , asshole. You’re getting _nothing_ from me, except for the lawsuit I’m going to file against you and your sorry-ass client”.

It was probably an effect from all the adrenaline running through her body, but by the time she was done with her speech, Adora felt like she was glowing. She stood there for a second, panting, not looking away from Keston. Fiery blue eyes stared at him with vengeance, demanding justice.

A force to be reckoned with.

“I think what my client is trying to say is… Unless you have something concrete to show us, we’re done here”.

“Fair enough, Miss Grayskull. I don’t suppose you think that putting up this spectacle will actually help you”, Keston said with a smile, getting up from his chair and slowly making his way to where Adora and Micah were standing. “If there’s someone you’re protecting –"

“Yeah, yeah, save your threats for someone who’s actually afraid of them”. Adora said, feeling immediately proud of her own cool retort. She wished Glimmer and Bow could see her – she wished Catra could see her. Then she quickly glanced over to the stenographer, just to make sure that she was still typing, and smiled.

“Come on, Adora”, Micah said, trying to suppress a smile. “Expect to hear from us soon”, he added, turning to Keston as he closed his briefcase. “Have a nice day”.

***

Adora and Micah talked it over on their way home, and he reassured her that Prime’s defense was out of strategies, trying to create a narrative based on circumstantial rumors that wouldn’t be too difficult to suppress at court – especially with a good prosecutor such as Netossa on the case. The chances that Catra or Entrapta would be in any actual trouble was very slim, since he had no way to prove any of those things he said. Ultimately, Micah’s guess was that they were bluffing, just trying to scare her so Adora would be willing to give them something about her _actual_ anonymous source in order to protect Catra.

Luckily, she didn’t fall for that. Instead, she stood up for herself.

And now that it was over, now that the dust had settled, now that she didn’t have any actual reason to worry… There was something else banging on her mind.

Could it really be true?

Did Catra leak the information that got Hordak imprisoned?

For her?

If she did, she did a particularly good job at hiding it. Even DT couldn’t trace the origin of those leaks when Adora asked them to look into it. She would have never guessed it if the information hadn’t dropped on her lap like that.

If Catra really was her _secret admirer_ , she seemed to have every intention of staying secret.

Sure, obviously, I mean, committing a crime isn’t something you brag about to get some girl’s attention, _hah_ , could you imagine? No, it probably didn’t even mean anything like that. Yeah, no. _Haha_. Catra was probably just doing a good deed, in her own messed up way. It certainly wasn’t because she liked Adora or anything stupid like that. _Haha_. Yeah, pffff, that’s just stupid, Adora.

Anyway, Adora could be rambling on and on about nothing. She wasn’t even sure it was true. It could’ve been just Prime trying to mess with her head for the millionth time this year.

Well… If she wanted to know, there was only one person she could ask.

When she rang Catra’s doorbell, her mind was still spinning with all those unanswered questions. Her fingertips tingled, her mouth was dry, her lips were turned into an involuntary, dumb smile that never seemed to fade. She was ecstatic. Bits and pieces of Keston words, Micah’s words, her own words, even the receptionist’s words, kept coming back to her, over and over, on a frantic, borderline obsessive loop. And in the midst of the serotonin induced chaos she was currently experiencing in her brain, Adora almost thought that she heard herself say --

Wait.

 _Hah_. Hold on for just one second.

Did Adora by any chance say that she was in love with Catra back in the deposition room?

_Oops._

Guess she really couldn’t hold it in much longer after all, huh?

The door opened. Catra furrowed her eyebrows in surprise, her eyes ran up and down Adora’s body while her mouth was slowly pulled into a smirk. 

And oh, the second Adora laid eyes on her, with that sleepy look on her face, inviting her in even though it seemed like she had just been woken up from a really good nap in the middle of the afternoon…

The words almost came out all over again.

“Hey, Adora”, she said, leaning her head against the door, gorgeous as ever, her husky voice sounding like the only possible answer to all Adora’s questions. "Something up?"

 _Hmmm_.

Yeah.

From the looks of it, _that_ particular Monday still had a long way to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...And that's the final chapter of this story!
> 
> No, I'm just messing with you. 
> 
> We'll get back to Adora and Catra dumbly figuring out that they have been in love with one another probably since chapter five or something.
> 
> Title credit: Taylor Swift - Long story short 
> 
> Oh, yeah! Happy new year! Hopefully, it will be a good one.


	16. 'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora confronts Catra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> So, I still couldn't manage to go back to a weekly update routine, but anyhow, I thought it was only fitting to post this chapter on a Monday.
> 
> I should warn you, though, I think the next chapter will also be our last (and now I'm not kidding, although I already miss the regularity of writing this story).
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> And I really do want to read your thoughts, so, if you want (and I hope you do), drop by the comments section :) 
> 
> Have a nice week!

Not so long ago, if you wanted to see Catra in a bad mood or had some kind of a death wish, the quickest way to achieve those goals would be to wake her up. Of all the privileges freelance work had to offer, Catra really loved the luxury of sleeping in as much as she felt like it or taking naps in the middle of the day while the rest of the world slaved away in an office.

That was part of the reason why she wasn’t fond of the idea of actually sleeping with anyone – that and, you know, her paralyzing fear of anything that could resemble true intimacy.

She just hated having her peace disturbed.

When you spend your whole life feeling like you’re on your own as Catra did, at some point you start caring way too much about things like personal space, autonomy and borderline-irresponsible amounts of uninterrupted sleep.

That Monday started way too early for Catra.

As usual, Melog woke her up at five for no good reason other than dragging Catra out of bed to watch him eat. Normally, she would just go back to bed and sleep until noon, but that day she would have a particularly busy morning – she needed to do the groceries, then her laundry, then run to the nearest hardware store to buy a replacement light bulb for her kitchen while calling the therapist’s office to schedule her first session.

So, _heh_ , after such a demanding morning, you can probably imagine how incredibly pissed off and grumpy Catra was while she marched to her apartment door to see who the fuck had the nerve to wake her up that afternoon.

But when Catra opened the door to find Adora in her hallway, blonde and beautiful, smiling and _completely unannounced_ , she couldn’t even remember why she would have a reason to be upset in the first place.

In fact, she couldn’t think of anything better to wake up to.

“Hey! Sorry to show up here like this, am I disturbing you?”.

Anything at all.

“If you ever disturb me, trust me, you won’t have to ask”, she replied with a humorous smirk on her face, making room for Adora to enter. “So, to what do I owe this surprise visit? Have you come to finally admit defeat?”

“ _Ha-ha_ , you wish”, Adora said, cocking an eyebrow at Catra and letting herself in. “I— _uh_ – I wanted to talk to you about something”.

Catra assumed Adora’s cheeks were red because it was cold outside, but when that blush started spreading to the blonde’s ears and jaw, she promptly noticed other signs that indicated nervousness – dilated pupils, fidgeting fingers and the way her eyes roamed around the living room without really focusing on anything.

Catra frowned in suspicion, wondering if she had a reason to be worried.

“Sure”, she said a little warily, as she closed the door.

Adora turned to face her just as Catra started walking back to the living room, and they almost bumped into each other. They laughed awkwardly, acknowledging the small tension that hung in the air between them.

“So… How are you?” Adora asked. “You know… All things considered”.

“ _Much_ better”, Catra said. “There’s still a lot to decide, though”.

“Yeah, I figured”.

“But I think that things are gradually getting into place”.

“I’m glad”. Adora beamed shyly, glancing at her. Then she looked away and turned herself around, clumsily trying to take off her coat and scarf all at once. When she almost stumbled forward with the weight of her own clothes, Catra smiled fondly, feeling stupid for even worrying.

“Need any help with that?”, she teased, approaching Adora from behind. Her hands went around Adora’s waist to help her remove her jacket, and she sensed the blonde slightly shuddering at the unexpected physical contact. “There you go”.

Adora turned her head back to shoot her a look from over the shoulder, a knowing grin on her face as she took a tiny step backward, adjusting herself into Catra’s arms. “Mmm, thank you”.

Their faces were close enough for Catra to feel Adora’s warm breath against her mouth, Catra’s fingers stroking Adora’s stomach as they removed the inconvenient garment. “Wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself”, she said playfully.

Something about Catra’s words ignited a spark in Adora’s eyes.

She bit her own lip, as if trying to keep something from spilling out of her mouth, looking at Catra in that way that never failed to send a swarm of butterflies to her stomach. Adora slightly turned her head to the side, removing the distance between their lips almost entirely, golden hair and shaggy bangs framing her face impeccably.

Catra looked at her, and _shit_ —

Seasons could turn, governments could change, worlds could combust, and Catra would still be amazed by Adora's beauty every time she had a chance to _really_ look at her.

It’s not like Catra thought that she was _perfect_ , or at least not in the way that one would expect, considering the dictionary definition of the term.

There were bits and pieces of her that could be regarded as flaws, but in Catra’s opinion, they made Adora far more interesting than just plain _perfect_.

That constant crease of worry between her eyebrows, the scars all over her body, her crooked smile. Her goofiness and clumsiness, her annoying sense of responsibility. How she couldn’t relax to save her life. How she could still be so dumb and clueless at times, even though she was one of the smartest people Catra had ever met. How she sometimes snored from cackling too hard or how her forehead could seem disproportionately large for her face when she was wearing that stupid ponytail.

Those little details made her feel whole, lifelike. They reminded Catra that such an exquisite creature could in fact exist in the real world, outside a painting or a picture.

 _Perfect_ was flat and boring and out of reach.

 _Perfect_ didn’t do Adora justice.

They smiled against each other’s lips, parting them open for a gentle kiss. Catra stood on her tiptoes, her tongue slowly making its way inside Adora’s hot and welcoming mouth from over her shoulder.

 _And then_ – Well.

Then, Catra felt a whole different kind of tension build up.

Adora turned herself in Catra’s arms, the scarf and coat fell to the ground. Still on her tiptoes, Catra almost lost her balance due to the sudden motion, but Adora’s arms went around her waist just in time to catch her. Strong hands, rough tongue, playful teeth, and Catra’s heart skipped a beat each time she felt Adora grinning against her skin.

Their greeting make-out session didn’t last for more than two minutes, but it was more than enough to send a rush of that _so-familiar_ heat running through Catra’s body.

 _Fuck_ , Catra had been fantasizing about Adora for so long, she was more than ready to turn all those filthy fantasies into reality. But having almost crossed a dangerous line the last time they were together, Catra knew she should behave.

So she held herself back. When they parted, Catra sensed that Adora was struggling just as much as she was.

And when she fluttered her eyes open, Catra saw _that look_ on her face again.

Like she was asking a question.

Or maybe it was the answer.

Catra couldn’t tell the difference.

“So – _uh_ ”, Adora said chuckling, her hands on Catra’s shoulders, softly pushing their bodies apart. “Hi”.

“Hi”, Catra replied with a smirk, her voice much lower than she’d anticipated, her skin missing the pressure of Adora’s body against it. “If I had known that this is what you meant by _talk_ , I would have agreed to do this months ago”.

“Sorry”, she said with a guilty giggle, “I got carried away, I guess”.

“You can get carried away like that as often as you’d like, princess”. She said as Adora absently stroked her cheek, then her lips. Catra took a quick glance at her thumb just before kissing it. “But I would rescue your scarf if I were you, before _someone_ ruins it”, Catra joked, looking over the blonde’s shoulder.

“Oh, God”, Adora said in awkward hurry to pick the abandoned pieces of clothing from the floor, a curious Melog sniffing them with interest. “Melog, no, these are mine”, she protested, almost tripping on herself as the feline dug his nails into her scarf and held it down. “Melog!”

Catra leaned against the door, snickering in amusement at the brief tug of war that was taking place in her living room, cat and dumb jock fighting over the same piece of fabric. “Well, what do you know, I guess you met your match, Adora”.

“If you’re not going to help me, please don’t make it worse”, she laughed, cautiously trying to get Melog’s paws off her scarf without getting scratched. “ _Ow!_ ”

“Careful with those fingers”, Catra warned teasingly. “They’re very important”.

“Perv”, Adora shot at her. “Is that all you can think about?”

“No, not really”, Catra self-confessed.

She had been processing her feelings for Adora for over a month now, but if I recall correctly, that was the first time Catra actually allowed a certain four-letter-word to cross her mind.

And the more she let that thought linger, the more it settled.

The truer it felt.

***

Ever since Adora broke up with her four months ago, Catra had been keeping a secret.

Kind of a big one, really.

Only one other person in the world knew what that secret was and Catra planned to keep it that way. She made Entrapta swear on her robots’ scraps that she would never, ever, _ever_ tell anyone about what they did – especially Adora, if they happened to meet some day.

At the time, she didn’t even think she would ever see Adora again, let alone imagine that she would have her standing in her living room on a Monday afternoon.

Notwithstanding, Adora wasn’t supposed to find out that she went out of her way to find dirt on Hordak just because she felt the guy deserved a lesson for everything he did to his former employee. In fact, she should never even _dream_ that Catra was the mind behind the data leak that eventually got him charged with money laundry.

You see, it’s not that she was trying to hide it because it was a _crime_.

 _Ha-ha_ , no.

She didn’t give a flying fuck about that.

But if admitting that she harbored gooey, selfless feelings for Adora was hard enough on Catra _herself_ , imagine how many years of therapy it would take for her to recover if the girl actually knew just how badly _whipped_ she was.

No health insurance in the world could cover _that_ kind of damage to her pride.

Still.

Better find a way to deal with it quickly, though.

Because thanks to Minister Prime’s idiot lawyer, things didn’t go exactly as Catra planned.

As Adora enthusiastically rambled about her last deposition session, and after she insisted that they should turn off their cellphones and leave them in another room just as a safety measure, Catra suspected that her secret wouldn’t be safe for much longer.

Panic grew as Catra silently lit one cigarette after another, they both standing on the terrace and leaning against the balcony railing.

By the time Adora finally got to her point, Catra was petrified with anxiety and fear.

She didn’t ask her a direct question.

“It’s probably just a crazy stunt that lawyer pulled to scared me, right?”

No, it was more like a poorly thrown curve ball.

In any case, Catra was cornered.

Trapped.

“Uh…” She swallowed hard. Heavy rain clouds took over the sky as Catra pondered if there could be any way to answer Adora’s question without showing all her cards. She nervously scratched the back of her head, taking a long drag of her cigarette while avoiding making eye contact with the blonde.

And unfortunately, as much as Catra loved calling her that, Adora was _not_ an idiot.

“Catra”, she asked, sliding over the railing to study Catra’s expression more closely. “It _was_ a stunt. Right?”

Catra glanced at her, then at the clouds, then at the plant Perfuma gave her – fully grown by now and starting to climb up the balcony’s safety net. She couldn’t lie, but she couldn’t really tell the truth, either.

In the matter of seconds it took for her to give Adora an actual answer, she knew that whatever she said would change everything between them.

She could just hope it would change for the better.

“Do you really want to know?”, she asked gravely, locking her eyes with Adora’s, filling her chest with courage.

Adora’s pupils went wide, her jaw dropped. She pondered. “Uh – Yeah. I really do”.

“Okay”, Catra bit her lip and tried to smile. “ _Hypothetically_ , if the lawyer was telling you the truth and, uh – _someone_ you know wanted to get back at Hordak for what he did to you, how would… How would that make you feel?”

Catra watched as the blonde’s expression shifted – from surprise to wonder, from wonder to… Joy. Adora’s lips turned into an incredulous grin. She licked her lips before answering Catra’s question. _“Hypothetically”_ , she said jokingly, furrowing her eyebrows. “I would think that this person is _insane_ for putting themselves in danger for someone else”.

“Oh, so it’s only okay when _you_ do it, then?” Catra teased.

Adora rolled her eyes and chuckled lightly. “That’s different”.

“Different how?”

“Well… I just never thought of myself as someone worth defending like that”.

“That’s because you’re a dumbass. But you didn’t answer my question”.

“Alright, alright… I would feel… Honored. Grateful. For having someone that is willing to fight for me”. They exchanged a knowing look and Catra exhaled in relief, a thin puff of cigarette smoke coming out of her nostrils. “But I would also have questions”.

“Sure. It wouldn’t be you if you didn’t”, Catra smiled. “Okay, shoot. Which questions?”

“Why? We weren’t – I mean, _hypothetically,_ me and the person weren’t even speaking to each other at the time”.

“Yeah. But maybe the person wanted to make things right. Maybe she saw how much of a jerk she was to you and wanted to do one good thing, because she thought what happened to you was so fucked up”.

“So, it was just about trying to fix a wrong?” She asked suspiciously. “Out of guilt?”

“Not out of guilt, no”, Catra replied emphatically. “I mean, there was _some_ guilt involved, sure, but it wasn’t the big reason. _Hypothetically_ ”.

“Okay. Then… What was it? The reason, I mean” She slid closer to Catra, her hands gripping the balcony rail. Catra glanced at her, cigarette in mouth, then smiled. “Why do something like this… And keep it a secret?”

“Adora…”, she sighed, stretching her pinky finger so it brushed against Adora’s hand.

“Yes?”

“You _know_ why”, she put simply, stroking the back of Adora’s hand with her own.

“Uh…” And Adora’s expression froze for a moment. “I… Do?”

“Yeah… I’m pretty sure you do”. Catra put out her cigarette with a shy smile, taking Adora’s hand on hers and turning them both over so they were face to face – Adora with her back lightly pinned against the balcony glass, Catra pressed against her, her hands on each of Adora’s hips.

“Wait, but… _Huh!_ ”. Adora looked so confused, but also overjoyed with happiness, like a child who had just won a ticket to Erelandia’s theme park. Catra could tell that she was making an effort not to burst out laughing. “You’re saying that — Since then?”

“Since then”, Catra confessed with a nod, kissing Adora’s chin and feeling her arms go around her back in a tight embrace. “Since before then, since I’m being completely honest”.

Of course, she didn’t know it back then. It wasn’t as strong and clear as it was _now_ – and she wouldn’t have been brave enough to admit it at the time even if it was.

But she had been falling in love with Adora ever since they saw each other at the beach, ever since she found out the story behind her scars, ever since she saw the heartbroken, devastated look in her eyes the night she pushed Adora away and showed her the exit door.

“I’m sorry if can’t say it to you yet. I wish… I wish I was ready. But, uh… I feel it. _So much_ of it. And I know it’s not the same, but—”.

“Catra”, Adora said with a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. You don’t need to say it”. Her hands gripped the fabric of Catra’s shirt behind her back, pulling it gently. “But if you don’t mind… I do”.

“Huh?”

“ _I_ need to say it”, she repeated.

“Oh”.

_Oh, fuck._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

It was coming, wasn’t it?

Fuck, why was Catra sweating so much?

“W-What do you mean?”, she stuttered in confusion.

“I’m _so_ in love with you, Catra”, Adora said with relief, as if the act of keeping those words inside was hurting her physically. “I think I’ve been in love with you for quite a while, now. And I tried to repress it, I tried to shove it all in… I was so afraid of having my heart broken. Then I was afraid of freaking you out. I guess I still am. But it’s just… _Here_. It won’t go away. And I don’t think I can go another day without saying it. So. There”.

She sounded so sure of her words, so confident.

Nothing like the drunken mess that spilled her love in Catra’s ears two weeks ago.

Nothing like the insecure and easily flustered blonde Catra met in that night club.

Catra’s heart didn’t fit in her chest and that fucking swarm of butterflies in her stomach just _refused_ to settle down.

“Uh…”

“Oh, no. Are you freaking out?”, Adora asked with concerned.

_Oooh, yeah. Big time._

“Kind of”, Catra understated nervously.

“Please, don’t freak out”.

“ _Heh_ , a little too late for that, princess”

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to freak you out”.

“N-No, but, uh— It’s a good freak out”.

“Good freak out?”

“Happy freak out”.

“Really?”, Adora said with a dumb smile.

“Really”.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive, idiot, now stop talking”.

“You would tell me you weren’t sure, right?”

“Adora”.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up, please”.

“Okay”.

Adora complied and, like that, they were all over each other.

You can say whatever you want about Catra’s lack of verbal skills, but when words failed her, she sure knew how to use body language to compensate for it.

And Adora was all there with her – wanting her, kissing her, touching her.

Loving _her_.

Not holding back anymore.

After spending so much time yearning for each other but never quite finding the words or the means to express it, you can imagine just how desperate these two disaster lesbians were right now, getting lost in each other’s lips, trapped in the grip of each other’s hands.

Every kiss made Catra feel as if Adora’s tongue carried both the poison and the antidote, both the cure and the disease – and there was nothing left for her to do but to keep blindly pursuing it.

Their knees went between each other’s legs, hands beneath each other’s shirt, just desperate for _more_ – more skin, more contact. It didn’t matter that they were still fully clothed, and it sure didn’t matter that they were standing on the terrace, shamelessly grinding against each other in the middle of fucking the day, where someone could see or hear them.

It didn’t matter, because they were both tuned into their own frequency, their own private reality, where nothing existed outside the confines of their own skin.

And there, Adora’s hands were roaming her body, finding their way under her shirt, cupping her tits, squeezing her nipples. Catra hissed, losing the battle against gravity, falling in her arms, crumbling under her touches. 

She could feel it building quickly, wet and warm between her thighs, a craving that had been coiling up inside her for so long that any second without a release was a second too much. And the increasing dampness on Adora’s jeans, the muffled whimpers and growls that escaped the blonde’s throat, they only made her own desire burn stronger.

Unleashed.

 _Finally_.

Their impatience made them clumsy, as they found that taking their hands off each other was an impossible task – and that made undressing an especially interesting challenge. To this day, Catra still doesn’t know how exactly they managed to get to her bedroom in one piece, bumping into furniture, stumbling over each other, a messy trail of clothes scattered on the floor as evidence of a crime not yet consummated.

Thankfully, Melog saw them coming just in time to jump off the bed, or an actual crime could have occurred.

They threw themselves on the bed and sat with their legs and arms wrapped around each other, Catra’s hand on the back of Adora’s head, pulling her hair with just enough violence to make her moan and gasp in compliant submission. Adora dug her nails deep into Catra’s thighs and rocked her hips forward, pressing herself against Catra’s crotch in a frenzied attempt at friction.

Catra’s mouth went on a reconnaissance mission, trying to drink Adora whole, trying to take everything, anything she had to give. She wanted to kiss, bite, lick, suck, until every single bit of flesh and skin in Adora’s body had been marked and claimed.

As _hers_.

Her lips went to Adora’s breast, teasing tongue and teeth around her rock-hard nipple, nibbling, biting, salivating at every satisfied moan she got in response. Adora squirmed, groaned, scratched, pulled, _ground_ , the distinctive scent of their arousal spreading through the air.

They were both so wet, it was ridiculous.

Catra watched in awe as Adora fell apart, rejoicing with her every reaction.

Adora let herself fall on the bed, her legs over Catra’s shoulder, Catra straddling her thighs.

They didn’t fall into position right away, chuckling at each other’s attempts as they eagerly tried to fit their bodies together. Adora’s laugh filled the room while Catra tried to push herself between her thighs – a little unsuccessfully, to her momentary frustration.

“Need any help there?” Adora said with a naughty smirk, raising her hips to offer Catra the angle she needed to press their sensitive spots together.

And when she did, Adora’s giggles were immediately replaced by a feral groan of pleasure.

Catra gave her hips a slow, experimental swing, just to check if their position was comfortable for both of them – and _fuck_ , _ha-ha_ , let me just state that it was _beyond_ comfortable.

Then she thrusted her hips, again, again and again, her clit rubbing almost frictionless against Adora’s warm slick.

Her speed increased, her thrusts became heavier, deeper, more desperate. Catra felt her orgasm building as Adora matched her movements, her nails digging into Catra’s ass, gripping her hips to intensify the pressure of their cores sliding against each other.

They found a rhythm to their combined movements, slamming into each other, a gorgeous symphony of wet sounds and incoherent whimpers playing as they rode themselves to oblivion. 

Catra didn’t know if it was because they had just confessed their love for each other, or if it was a result of a month-worth of consistent, excruciating foreplay, but _holy freaking fuck_ , sex with Adora was even better than she remembered.

She was so close.

So ready.

Adora’s leg over Catra’s shoulder moved to her waist, and the blonde used her strength to turn them over, switching positions; a surge of renewed arousal ran through Catra’s body as she allowed herself to be overpowered by such strong arms without offering any resistance. Now Adora was on top of her, a triumphant and proud expression on her face as they enthusiastically clashed their hips together.

A purposeful hand moved to Catra’s folds, teasing her entrance before sliding two fingers inside. Catra sensed that sweet bliss soaring within her, spreading, just about to take her whole. And when she saw Adora’s eyes studying her, a devious, hungry smirk on her face, it finally came – that perfect wave of white heat, smashing through her.

Her legs and hips trembled beneath the pressure of Adora’s body on her, her soft moans turning to uncontrollable whimpers as she peaked – once, twice, too many times to count.

Adora’s movements became frantic and inarticulate; she removed her fingers from Catra and searched for her hand, her head arching back and forth as her own climax hit her. Then she curled her body over Catra’s, her face pressed on the curve of Catra’s neck, their fingers interlocked.

They continued to rock their hips against each other, riding their orgasm together until every last spasm was over and all that remained were the rippling aftershocks.

Adora let her body fall heavy and limp on her, panting heavily in her ears, light chuckles escaping her throat between every other breath. Catra brushed her back with the pads of her fingers, a mess of blonde and brown strands spread over the bed while they both enjoyed that blissful calm, the light and soft buzz of _after_.

They searched each other’s lips for a long, deep kiss, repositioning themselves on the bed so they could come face to face.

When they parted, they were both smiling with heavy eyes.

Wrecked. Spent.

Then Catra sighed in delight and her smile turned to a smirk.

“So… Just so we’re absolutely clear”, Catra said when words started making sense again. “I won”.

Adora looked at her in confusion, like she had just recited a poem in Portuguese or something.

“What?”

“You lost, princess”, she stated proudly as she kissed Adora’s chin. “You couldn’t wait”.

“Uh – _No_!”, Adora protested.

“Uh – _Yeah_! We only had four dates”.

“ _Excuse me_ , we just spent the whole afternoon together, that clearly qualifies as a date”.

“What? That doesn’t count! Dates involve planning ahead, dressing up, eating”.

“Pfffff, sure it counts”, Adora scoffed playfully, brushing her fingers through Catra’s hair. “You’re just too new at this dating thing, so you wouldn’t know”.

“You’re such a sore loser”, she chuckled in disbelief.

“Whatever, you committed a crime for me”.

“Wha--!”, she hissed in surprise, “ _Hypothetically!_ ”

“Yeah, yeah”, Adora joked. “Sure”.

“And I’ll have you know that I could have won weeks ago, because you were all over me at the Enchanted Grotto”

“What?”.

“ _Oh, take me home, Catra, I think I’m falling in love with you_ ”

 _“What?_ I didn’t… I didn’t say that”.

 _“I want you so fucking badly that I feel like touching myself in the middle of the day, pleeeease_ ”

“Okay, now you’re just being mean”.

“Whatever, I still won”.

Adora rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together. "Fine, if you want a fifth date so much, I can't promise to dress up, but I’m sure I can think of something to eat _right now_ ”.

“Mmmm…”, Catra purred with renewed interest. “Carry on”

“Would that make us even?”, Adora asked as she moved lower to kiss Catra’s stomach, then her hip bone, pushing her back against the mattress.

“Not nearly”, she teased, "but feel free to try".

They didn’t notice when the sun went down, as they continued to search for each other’s bodies with their fingers, tongues, knees and thighs – gently, roughly, repeatedly. Skin on skin, chest on chest, over and over.

An insatiable chase.

And to be frank, Catra couldn’t think of any scenario in which having Adora like that didn’t feel precisely as _winning_.

***

Catra stood in the kitchen, stirring sticky ingredients in a pan over the stove. Getting out of bed was far from being be her first choice, but after such intense physical activity, food deprivation became a relevant concern.

She made them French toast, but they were also in the mood for something sweet – hence the stirring.

Adora entered the kitchen, naked beneath a white sheet.

“Mmmm, what’s that smell?” She looked over Catra’s shoulder. “It’s delicious”.

“Patience, princess”, Catra replied as she stirred. “You’ll get to taste it in a minute”.

“Is it chocolate?”

“Yeah, chocolate powder and condensed milk”.

“Sounds… Stupidly sweet, I can’t wait”, she said, placing a kiss on Catra’s neck.

“There’s French toast too, if you want”.

“Such a considerate host”, she joked, reaching for the piece of toast on the counter. “Careful, I could get used to this”.

“Just didn’t want neither of us to starve”, Catra replied with a smile, still focused on her stirring.

“Hey, it’s pouring rain outside”, Adora said, taking a bite of toast and checking through the kitchen window.

“No shit”, Catra teased. “You’re so perceptive”.

“ _Ugh_ , no, it’s just… When did it start to rain? I, uh… I didn’t notice”.

“Well, I can’t really blame you”, she said with a devious smirk, turning off the stove. “Okay, here, grab a spoon”.

Adora did as Catra asked and gave the dessert a try. As she licked the spoon, her face lit up with wonder. “Mmmmm, fuck, this is amazing”.

Catra beamed proudly as she grabbed a spoon for herself and placed the pan on the kitchen table.

“I think I’ll get a cavity, though”, Adora added humorously. “It’s a sugar bomb”.

They sat at the table next to each other to enjoy the snack, Melog curled up by Adora’s foot.

“Mm, I should find my clothes”, Adora said after a while, glancing at the clock on the wall. Fuck, it was almost midnight.

When did all that time go by?

“Why bother?”, Catra asked absently. “You’ll just have to take them off again in a minute”.

Adora opened a childish grin. “No, it’s just getting pretty late, I should go”.

_Oh._

She was thinking about leaving.

Catra felt her heart cracking just a little.

And things like personal space, autonomy and borderline-irresponsible amounts of uninterrupted sleep suddenly seemed meaningless.

“Really? But, uh—It’s pouring rain outside”.

“Last time I checked, I wasn’t made of sugar”, Adora replied with mockery.

“Seriously, do you like, write down everything I say and just wait for an opportunity to say it back to me?”

“More or less”, Adora snickered. “Reporter habit, I think”.

“It’s just that it’s dangerous to call an Uber this late at night”, Catra said, as casually as possible. “Especially when it’s raining so much”.

“Catra…”, Adora sang with a knowing smile. “If you want me to stay, just ask me to stay”.

“No, it’s just that it’s more logical and safer, you know. I wouldn’t want you to expose yourself to any –”

“Catra…”

“Yes?”.

“Ask me”.

Catra sighed nervously, then rubbed the back of her neck.

“Adora…” She glanced at Adora, those wide blue eyes just waiting for her words to come out. “Would you spend the night?”

Her eyes flashed lovingly at Catra, her lips turned into a big, happy smile, and she was just about to open her mouth to answer, when –

“Shit, I can’t”.

“ _Wow_ ”, Catra replied in disappointment. “What a shitty turn of events”.

“No, no, no”, Adora proceeded with a nervous giggle. “I just mean—".

“Did you write the last season of Game of Thrones?”

“No”, she laughed. “It’s just that... I have work tomorrow and… My clothes are ruined”.

Oh, right.

 _Yeah_ , they were!

_Wink, wink._

But also – _damn_.

It was a pretty decent reason.

“Mmm, and I can’t exactly ask you to ditch work, can I?”, Catra tried.

“That wouldn’t look good on you, no”.

“Oh, well”. Catra lamented. “Guess I’ll just have to sleep with Melog”.

“Wait, hold on. How late it is?”, Adora asked rhetorically, checking the time on her own cellphone. “I may still have some clothes at Glimmer’s place, hang on”.

“What, are you going to make Sparkles drive over here with some clothes, in the storm, just so I can fuck you senseless until you pass out?” Catra said teasingly, moving from her chair to sit on Adora’s lap, her legs wrapped around the blonde’s hips. “ _Fuck_ , you’re desperate. Also, terrible friendship skills”.

“ _No_ , smartass, she lives nearby, I can swing by her place first thing in the morning and she’ll give me a ride to the hospital”, she said as she typed something on her phone. “Okay, problem solved, she’s on board”.

“Yeah?” Catra grinned.

“Yeah”, she said, raising her eyebrows smugly. “Okay, now, ask me again”.

“Oh, I can’t stress how much of an _idiot_ you are”, Catra scoffed.

“Shut up”, Adora said as they wrestled mischievously. “Ask me again”.

“Shit, alright, dumbass”. She sighed and stared into her eyes. “Would you stay?”

“Yes”, she said, chasing Catra’s lips with her mouth. “Yes, I very much would”.

And as she finally let her reservations go and allowed herself to plunge into Adora’s warm lips, Catra thought she understood, then, why do people compare love with the act of _falling_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, hello, there.
> 
> And how are we feeling after all this?
> 
> Wink, wink.
> 
> Oh, just in case you're not Brazilian and are wondering which dessert Catra was making, [swing by this link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigadeiro).
> 
> Chater title credit: Frou Frou - Let go


	17. Is this love too hot to handle?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora go into their fifth date and run into someone unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I wanted to post this on Adora's birthday, but I think we still have time for that, right?
> 
> So. 
> 
> It started with "Oh, let me just write this non-plot smut fic so I can practice my English and feed my Catradora brainrot, even though I'm sooooo not used to writing fiction". 
> 
> And then there was plot all of a sudden, and feelings, and I gotta say, I didn't expect to enjoy this so much. Getting here every week to read your comments, your thoughts, interacting with you guys... That was the best part, really. I honestly never thought this could get any attention, with so much content being produced by such talented writers. 
> 
> After such a crazy year, the whole experience was just... Therapeutic. 
> 
> So this is the end of this story, but I think this isn't going to be a one-time thing.
> 
> If by any chance you liked taking this crazy ride with me, hopefully we'll see each other very soon.
> 
> Until then...

The champagne glass almost fell over the wooden table when Adora’s elbow accidentally bumped into it. She hissed, both in excitement and in fear of leaving more evidence of her illicit presence behind, but that hint of anxiousness quickly faded away as she felt another long and rough stroke teasing her sensitive spot in the most perfect of ways.

Ordinarily, Adora wouldn’t be caught dead doing something so risky, but nothing about her sex life with Catra was ordinary anyway – and after reluctantly admitting that she had, in fact, lost their five dates bet, she was at her lover’s mercy.

In this case, quite literally, I’m afraid.

Adora was close – _very_ close. Close enough to almost not care if she was being too loud in a semi-public space or if she was making a mess at someone else’s office table. She bit her own hand to muffle a moan from sounding too desperate, her legs locked around Catra’s neck, her arms weakly sliding over furniture until her back was lying flat, long strands of messy gold hair scattered on the table. And as Catra rode her steadily towards orgasm, Adora wondered how on Earth could a feeling like that ever qualify as _losing_.

But just then, as if reading her twitches and spasms, as if she had graduated in Adora’s body language, Catra interrupted her ministrations.

“ _Mmm?_ ”

She let out a surprised – and frustrated – whimper of disapproval at the sudden lack of stimulation. She straightened herself back up on the table, leaning over her forearms with a puzzled expression on her face, to find Catra staring at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes, smirking smugly and very much aware of the kind of disappointment she was causing.

_Oh, that fucking tease._

Somewhat impatiently, Adora used her forearms as leverage to push her hips against Catra’s mouth with a challenging grin, her knees hanging on each of Catra’s shoulders. Catra playfully pulled her head back, making Adora idiotically chase after her.

“What was that, princess?”, she sang, placing a kiss on Adora’s knee. “Did you need something?”

One of Catra’s many kinks was driving Adora to the very edge, then keeping her there – on that agonizing, torturous border of _almost_ , balancing on the tightrope of _nearly there_ , until the blonde caved and admitted that she couldn’t take it anymore.

She didn’t make it to see Adora beg or to deny her satisfaction, though. It wasn’t about Catra being in control, really. It was more about making Adora _lose_ control – maybe even about corrupting her a little. Adora was so used to put everyone else’s needs in front of hers, Catra enjoyed getting her to the point that she would be willing to _claim_ her own pleasure, demand it, actively pursue it.

Catra knew that she – and only she – had the ability to unleash that irrational, uninhibited part of Adora, the part of her that wasn’t polite or considerate, the part of her that was willing to be authoritative and put herself first.

And she got off on it.

“Get yourself back there”, Adora ordered gravely, but her voice was too wrecked to sound as commanding as she had intended it to be. Her hands ran through Catra’s hair, pulling her head towards her while bucking her hips in the opposite direction.

“There”, Catra praised, and Adora shuddered at the word. “Was that so hard?”

Adora didn’t answer, because Catra’s face disappeared under her dress, that warm tongue and those hungry lips dutifully working between her thighs, and thoughts or words became too difficult to process. With each lash of Catra’s breath against her, with every flick of Catra’s talented tongue, with every suction, Adora allowed her noises to become louder, pushing herself across the table with shameless need.

Yes, only Catra could ever do that to her – strip her of all self-discipline and sense of responsibility, then put her in a position where she was free to _want_ and just _take_ whatever she desired without feeling guilty or wrong for it.

They had to be quick, if they wanted to finish before their absences were noticed at the reception. But that wasn’t much of a challenge for any of them – when Catra had her worked up like that, Adora didn’t have to put any additional effort to let go. Her legs held Catra firm in position while she brazenly pressed herself against her tongue, increasing the friction on her skin; her head fell back, hanging from her neck, her eyes shuttered closed. Then she proceeded to softly ride Catra's face until completion – fast, slow, fast, fast, slow –

When it came, it came strong and unrestrained, washing away every single moment of Adora’s life when she felt inadequate or unworthy or not enough. When it came, it came as a reaffirmation of her love and happiness, a whisper that reminded her that _this was it_ – this was probably as good as life could ever get.

And she deserved it.

Adora’s back fell on the table as she covered her mouth with one hand, biting her thumb while the other hand turned into a fist and slammed the table. Then her legs and arms unclenched, and every other muscle in her body followed. She laid still for a moment, her chest moving up and down from her heavy breathing, lazily riding that blissful high as her senses slowly resurfaced.

Catra rose from between her legs, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, a wicked, delicious smirk on her face, her eyes heavy-lidded from her own arousal. Adora raised her arm to reach for the other girl’s hand, still too limp and ruined to sit up. Catra chuckled and bent over her, taking her hand and placing a kiss on her lips.

“Everything okay there?”, she joked tenderly, caressing Adora’s cheeks.

“ _Fffuuuuck_ ”, Adora huffed with a dumb grin on her face as Catra kissed her jaw. “ _That_ was… _Hah—Fuck_ ”, she snickered. “Do you think someone heard it?”

“Do you really care?”, Catra sneered, standing up and collecting her tuxedo from the floor. “Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about it. Music’s loud and everyone’s too busy staring at dumb photographs to care about us”.

“They’re not dumb photographs”, Adora replied with a meek and childish smile, watching Catra zip up her pants and button her shirt, her tie loose around the collar of her shirt as she gathered her strengths to get back to an upright sitting position and not-so-gracefully pull up her panties from her ankles.

“Come on, evening’s just getting started”. Catra grinned, arching her eyebrows and offering her hand to Adora.

Damn, she looked so hot all dressed up like that, it made Adora wish they could start all over again. But the night was young and there was no need to hurry, so she settled on pulling Catra by the tie to give her a gentle kiss, her legs around Catra’s torso, squeezing it softly, her hands on the back of Catra’s neck to grab a fistful of her hair, which was long enough for her to pull by now.

“Ugh”, Adora pouted. “Wish I could take you home with me right now”, she said, fixing the knot of Catra’s tie.

Catra laughed that squeaky, wonderful laugh of hers, cupping Adora’s cheek with one hand to caress it – Adora found that she shivered more easily whenever Catra’s touches turned from lustful to tender.

“I wouldn’t mind going for another round”, she replied smugly. “That is, if you can take it, of course”.

“Oh, believe me, I can take it”, Adora answered competitively, “but I guess we should get back, though. It’d be selfish of me to keep you all to myself on such a big night”. Adora tilted her chin to kiss the palm of Catra’s hand.

“Like I care about socializing”, Catra snorted, helping Adora to the floor. “But, yeah, you’re probably right, let’s get this over with”.

Champagne glasses in hand, they sneaked past the gallery’s security guard and went back to the cocktail party at the ground floor. Well, they didn’t really _sneak past_ anyone, exactly. Adora just liked to tell the story that way to sound more like a badass. Catra had previously cleared with Swen, the curator of Peek Gallery, that she could have the keys to one of the gallery’s private offices to keep her personal belongings or in case she needed the bathroom, being one of the photographers who were having their work on display.

Of course, they went to the bathroom with the sole purpose of cleaning themselves up after fucking each other’s brains out on Swen’s table, _hah_ , but technically they had every right to be there. That wasn’t going to stop Glimmer from calling Adora a horndog – but, in that particular instance, they would all agree that she had a fair point.

Ever since Adora confessed her love for Catra – and, in her own way, Catra did the same – three weeks had already passed. There went Christmas and new year’s, busiest time of the year for a photographer, and Adora started a new work project of her own, motivated by Catra.

Along with Mara and with the brilliant help of Entrapta, they launched their own independent journalistic platform – called _Alliance_ – to publish stories based on the investigation of sensitive material released by whistleblowers. As they continued to release compromising and reliable information about Minister Prime and his associates’ crimes, the project drew a lot of attention, even attracting a few funders.

Meanwhile, although they saw each other frequently for sex, cuddles and the occasional sleepover, Adora and Catra fifth _real_ date had to be delayed until that night – which, in Adora’s opinion, was the perfect night for it to happen anyway.

Peek was a prominent fancy gallery in Thaymor, which was known for giving opportunities to young promising artists show their work. The particular display opening that night was a collective exhibition named _Failsafe_ , featuring selected photographs of twelve photographers based in Etheria – Catra among them. This would be the first big public display of her work.

The show would remain open to the general public until the end of March, but the opening night was important if Catra had any ambition to sell her art or be seen by curators from other galleries or museums. In addition to that, Catra also planned to use that opportunity to find a space that would be interested in hosting her first solo exhibition, with the photos she took at her childhood home – she had already developed some of the images over the past couple of weeks and the ones Adora saw were simply breathtaking, in her humble opinion.

So that evening was kind of a major deal for Catra’s career.

Needless to say, Adora was ridiculously proud to be by her side.

This was not only because Catra was insanely talented and deserved to have her work recognized, but also because she had invited Adora to go with her as her plus one. And to be the one person asked to be a part of such an important moment of Catra’s life meant a whole freaking lot to Adora.

While their relationship remained unnamed, and therefore still unofficial, it had a lot of substance to compensate for the lack of title.

It’s not that words didn’t matter to Adora. They did – a lot. It may seem a little stupid, but they made her feel safer, more confident and reassured about what she should or should not expect. Words helped her organize, prepare, plan ahead. They gave less room for random speculation or paranoid rambling – and when you’re an anxious person like Adora, that’s something you learn to value.

But even if she had not used the specific words, Catra admitting that she had feelings for Adora, asking her to spend the night at her place and, on top of that, choosing her as the person with whom she would share that important work achievement… That carried more meaning than any entry in the dictionary ever could.

Adora was learning that she cared about meaning much more than she cared about words.

After all, words could be empty – and what she and Catra were building together definitely wasn’t.

Still, that night, Adora sensed that Catra was, in fact, a little rattled by the vague terms of their ongoing affair.

She noticed how Catra’s ear twitched every time she introduced Adora to one of her artist acquaintances, how she would rub the back of her neck and stutter a little just before choosing terms such as “my date” or “my plus one”, until finally settling with just “Adora”.

“This is Adora, mmm—uh – she’s a journalist”, and with that, she finally seemed to relax for the rest of the evening.

The fact that they didn’t know what to call each other was a little off-putting, yeah, but not necessarily in a bad way – if anything, it just meant that they would probably have to talk about it somewhere in the near future. Aside from that, their date was running pretty smoothly, and Catra was actually nailing the networking thing, even though Adora knew how much she hated that stuff.

All and all, Adora couldn’t be happier.

She was getting a champagne refill while Catra made conversation with a potential funder for her solo exhibition. Before rejoining them, she browsed through the photographs on display, strolling across the gallery halls.

She left Catra’s work for last, then paused herself to admire it for a moment.

Adora was already familiar with that image – the long-exposure photograph of Entrapta she had hung at her apartment wall, which made her friend look like a monster, a Greek gorgon, a Medusa creature or something of sorts. But it was impressive how she would catch another different detail every time she took a good look at the photo, depending on the lighting, the positioning or even on how her mood was.

She took a small sip of her champagne glass and approached the wall to read the label below the image – “System Failure, by Catra Lima”, the note said. It also had a purple stamp, indicating that the photograph had already been sold. _Fuck_! That was excellent news! Catra would be so pleased, Adora couldn’t wait to tell her. She was beaming, her chest growing with pride, as she ran her finger through the stamp, stroking it gently.

“Adora?”

Adora’s eyes widened in recognition of the voice that was calling her from behind. She froze in place and creased her eyebrows before turning around, trying to prepare herself for what would most likely be a very distressing situation.

She took a deep breath and smiled a little awkwardly at the sight of Starla.

“Starla!”, she gulped, “Hey!”

They stood there in uncomfortable indecision, unsure if they should hug or kiss on the cheek, but then they both started to chuckle, silently agreeing to a hug. They held each other for a moment, then released, Starla gazing at her with her trademark friendly, relaxed demeanor.

“It’s been a while, huh?”

Yeah, it _had_ been a while since Adora last saw Starla. Almost three whole months had passed, actually – they broke up in the end of October and we were already in the middle of January of the following year.

A _lot_ had happened since then. Many volleyball games at the beach, Glimmer’s birthday, Christmas at Angella’s, a new work project, new year’s at Lance and George’s, Bow proposing to Glimmer – _say what?!_ And meanwhile, four (and a half) dates with Catra, a love confession, loads of _fantastic_ sex and glorious rounds of that delicious Brazilian dessert Catra knew how to make.

Oh, and Bow’s pet caterpillar Kowl turned into a butterfly.

Just to let you know. I assumed you needed that information.

“Yeah – pffft, tell me about it”, Adora said, trying to act casual. “Oh, did you hear about Bow and Glimmer?”

“I did! I’m so happy for them. Bow’s just ecstatic. And I assume you’ll be Glimmer’s maid of honor”.

“They can’t decide if I should be her maid of honor or his best man”, Adora grinned. “I’ll probably just wear a tux and make them both happy”.

“Best man of honor, right?”, they laughed for a while, then Starla continued. “Oh, by the way, I’ve been following Alliance”, Starla said, referring to Adora’s new project. “Pretty ballsy, congratulations”.

“You have? Well, uh—thank you”, Adora said, trying not to sound smug.

“That creep is going to spend the rest of his life in jail, you know, and it will be all because of you”.

“Well, I wouldn’t put it _that_ way… He had it coming. He’s paying the price for all the wrong things he did to a lot of people”.

“No, Adora, people like Prime don’t _pay_ like the rest of us do. If he’s going to pay, it’s because _you_ had the guts to take him. It’s… Inspiring”.

Adora’s cheeks went hot and red, she swallowed.

You see, after Adora’s meeting with Prime’s attorney in the first few days of December, she decided she was _done_ hiding and waiting for justice to magically happen to bad people.

So, that same week, she did two things: filed a lawsuit against Hordak for wrongful termination and discussed with Mara her idea for Alliance. The project began small, with just a series of posts and stories on social media exposing previously unreleased evidence against Minister Prime. Of course, in retribution, they suffered a whole new wave of attacks promoted by Prime’s lackeys – but this time, they were ready for it.

Adora’s return to being active on social media was part of a combined strategy with Netossa – the assistant district attorney prosecuting Prime’s case, as you may recall – which basically consisted of Adora serving as... Bait.

In order to catch a rat, they needed to spring a trap. So, they set one up of their own – _gee, that line sounds oddly familiar, I wonder why_.

Adora recreated all her social media profiles and drew a whole lot of attention to herself by posting as much damaging content about Minister Prime as she possibly could, anticipating the inevitable backlash she would receive in return.

When the hateful e-mails, death threats, defamatory blog posts and slanderous tweets started coming, Netossa’s team of investigators went to work to trace their source. It didn’t take too long before they found concrete indication that Prime was directly linked to the fake news campaign targeting Adora and Mara. They even discovered that he used money from his office’s budget – i.e, _public money_ – to pay off his allies for publishing positive press about him.

And when one of Hordak’s secret bank accounts popped up in the middle of Prime’s associates, giving irrevocable proof that Hordak and Prime were connected, the evidence that finally cleared Adora’s name and showed that she had been wrongly terminated…

Well, that was just like taking out two vultures with the same fucking stone.

So, in addition to being tried before a grand jury, Prime was now facing an impeachment process for abusing his office to persecute his personal enemies. If he ended up being voted out of office – and he would – his political career would be over, forever, even if he managed to get out of prison someday.

And all of his associates, including Hordak, were going down with him.

“Well, I had a lot of help”, Adora said modestly, thinking about Catra’s role in all this story. Ultimately, it was Catra’s bravery that encouraged Adora to take matters into her own hands, to fight for herself, to claim back the narrative of her own storyline. If it wasn’t for her, Adora would still be working exclusively as head of communication of Brightmoon Hospital. “I didn’t do any of this alone”.

“Sure, I know that, but still. You’re like a modern-day hero, Adora”.

Adora exhaled in relief, so grateful for having her achievements recognized, especially by someone who had all the reasons in the world to hate her.

Speaking of which…

“Listen, Starla, I’m so sorry --” Adora started to say, after a moment of thought.

“Hey, no, no, no, you don’t have to go there. This… Doesn’t have to be weird, you know? It’s okay. Really. I wouldn’t be talking to you if it wasn’t okay. Just… Water under the bridge, let’s move on”.

Adora gazed at her suspiciously at first, but the reassurance in Starla’s voice disarmed her. Her muscles unclenched, and she quickly scanned the room to search for Catra in the crowd, trying to signal where she was just in case she was wondering. But alas, Catra’s back was turned to her and she looked pretty engaged in conversation with a group of artists. She turned her eyes back to Starla.

“Alright. Thank you, that’s so—Anyway, how have you been?”.

“Pretty good, thanks! You?”

“I’m great, you know, considering everything”.

“Your girl’s quite talented, from what I can see”, Starla continued, nodding at Catra’s photograph on the wall. “You must be proud”, she said with an honest grin.

Adora glanced at the picture for another while and couldn’t keep her lips from turning into a dumb, loving smile. A light giggle escaped her throat.

Yeah.

Catra was _Adora’s girl_.

“She is, isn’t she?”

 _Her girl_.

“Swen tells me she could be a hit, like an artist to watch out for or something like that”.

“Wha—Wait, you know Swen? Swen, the gallery curator?”

“Yeah, we’re seeing each other. Since… Well, right after we broke up, as a matter of fact”, she admitted with a sly grin and a little roll of her eyes. “That’s actually the reason why I’m here. Do you know them?”.

Oh, no, Adora and Swen were never formally introduced – but Adora was just eaten out in their office like an hour ago.

_How the world turns._

Adora tried to suppress a giggle, but it didn’t work as well as she thought it would. “Pfffn-no, but, uh— _ahem_ , Catra does. She tells me they’re great. Good to know you’re together”.

“Yeah, funny how things find a way to work out for the best, right? I mean… You look great. Happy. Much, much happier than when I met you, that’s for sure”.

“Yeah, you know what? I am”, Adora confessed with a small but honest smile, much more relaxed now. “I truly am”.

She felt a familiar presence near them and turned her head back, her smile growing wider when her eyes met Catra’s. Adora’s grin faded when she noticed the dubious look on the other girl face and her posture, standing with arms crossed, clearly tense.

Adora reached out for her.

“Catra! Come here!” Catra took her hand and came closer, shooting suspicious looks at both of them – especially at Starla. “I was wondering about you”, Adora added gently.

“Weird, because I don’t remember going anywhere”, Catra poked, almost in a whisper. “Except to come look for you”, she finished with a smirk.

“ _Duh_ , yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry”, she answered apologetically. “I got distracted taking a look at the exhibition and then I ran into Starla”.

“Hey, Catra”, Starla said with a timid wave of her hand. “I was just telling Adora how much I like your work, congratulations”.

“Hey”, was all that Catra replied, putting her arms around Adora’s shoulder a little possessively. “Thanks”.

Adora couldn’t help but laughing – on the one hand, the situation was awkward as fuck, but on the other… Catra was just so cute when she was jealous.

“Catra, Starla is dating Swen, she’s here as their plus one”, Adora explained, and almost immediately she felt Catra’s muscles slackening around her.

“Oh”, she said, a little more relaxed. “Alright. Swen’s cool”.

“Yeah, have you seen them, by the way? We got lost after a trip to the bathroom”.

“I haven’t, but you should check out their office upstairs”, Catra said, and Adora almost burst out laughing. “

“Alright, I guess I should go find them”, Starla said before turning to Adora. “But it was great seeing you, maybe we could all catch up some other time”.

“Yeah, sure”, Adora nodded. “I’d like that”.

“And tell Glimmer I’m sorry I missed her birthday”, she said as she walked away from them. “I’ll make it up to her”.

“You better, otherwise she won’t invite you to her wedding”.

When Starla was far enough away from the two, Adora turned to study Catra’s face, her hands going around her date’s waist. There was a pout on Catra’s lips and death-glare in her eyes, but she managed to open an uneasy smile when Adora’s eyes met hers. Adora pulled her to one of the gallery’s corners and then kissed her passionately.

“I missed you”, she said when they parted.

“Yeah, I can see that”, Catra said dismissively.

“Catra”, Adora hummed, her eyes firm on Catra’s face again. “You know you have absolutely no reason to be jealous, right?”.

“As if I was jealous”, she scoffed and Adora just glanced at her with a _you’re full of shit_ look. “I’m—Ugh, fine, whatever, I’m just surprised we ran into your ex in the middle of our date, that’s all”.

“Not the best of coincidences, I agree”. Adora smiled lovingly. “But I didn’t plan it, either. Besides, it doesn’t matter, I’m here with you, she’s here with her date and that was pretty much it”.

“I know”, Catra said weakly.

“I know you know, but let me reassure you anyway, okay?”.

“Not like I can stop you”, Catra said, rolling her eyes with snark. Adora held her tighter and pressed her lips to Catra’s neck.

“I’m here for _you_ , idiot. You’re the one I’m going home with tonight. You”.

A small smile turned into Catra’s lips and her expression softened. She put her arms around Adora and kissed her again, pressing them closer together. When they stopped to catch their breaths, Catra was looking at her with so much warmth and love in her mismatched eyes, it felt like she had actually said the words Adora had been eager to hear.

“ _You’re_ the idiot”, she said instead. “And technically, I’m the one going home with you”.

“That’s your comeback? Ouch… You’ve gone soft, dude”, Adora said with a sneer.

“Dude? Did you seriously just call me _dude_?”, Catra’s voice cracked.

“Yeah, _dude,_ what happened, selling your first photograph made you lose your badass mojo?”, Adora mocked.

“No, I just let a dumbass into my life”, she teased, poking the middle of Adora’s forehead with her index finger.

****

Clothes to the floor, back to the wall, hushed kisses between dirty whispers. Brown locks and blonde strands of hair getting mixed up together on the bed, Adora’s hand gripping the fabric of the sheets, pulling it tight. That would be the first time Catra would spend the night at Adora’s place, and perhaps that took her arousal to the next level.

There was something different about Catra, too, and Adora could feel it. Her touches were filled with so much urgency, her face looked dangerous and grave. And the sultry tone of her voice when she said things like _“looks like you’re mine, now”_ , so close to her ear, her hands already feeling Adora’s wetness – one, two, three fingers pushing in.

Adora’s knees between her thighs, her lips and tongue on Catra’s tit and – _oh._ Adora just wanted to tell her that she was right. That, within the limits in which one person can reasonably belong to another, she really was _hers_.

Only hers.

So, she did. As she pressed her mouth to Catra’s breast, as she kissed her stomach and licked her way to Catra’s crotch, as she positioned her face beneath her and tasted Catra’s slick, so hot on her tongue, she managed to leave the most inaudible mutters of _I’m yours_ against her skin.

But when Catra came on her mouth – after fucking her mouth so roughly that the bed lightly creaked, her knees on each side of Adora’s head, her hands against the wall so she could hold herself in an upright sitting position – she was the one who cried, repeatedly, _I’m yours_ , trembling frantically until her body settled.

They tired themselves out until they fell asleep, tangled into each other’s arms and legs.

“I’m in love with you”, Adora whispered in her ear, holding her from behind as they both laid on their sides. Catra was quiet, breathing sharply, then kissing Adora’s fingers, still moist with her own slick.

As her eyes closed, she almost thought she heard Catra weakly saying “me too”.

She woke up at five in the morning, a little earlier than her regular hour. As soon as her eyes started to function, she missed Catra’s presence by her side.

Adora narrowed her eyes.

At first, she thought the previous night had been a dream – and that maybe Catra didn’t come home with her, maybe she didn’t spend the night. But as her thoughts became clearer, as the memories from earlier events started to come back to her and she noticed how very much _naked_ she still was, fear and anxiety started to take over.

Catra was gone.

_Fuck._

Adora gasped, jumped up and sat on the bed, her heart raced.

She sensed that things were a little off. The tone of Catra’s voice when she was introducing Adora to her friends, her tension when they ran into Starla, her neediness during sex… She didn’t think that much into it at the time, but now…

Maybe she freaked out about how real it all had become between them.

How fast.

One of Adora’s worst fears.

But no, that couldn’t be right. Catra wouldn’t just leave like that.

Would she?

_She wouldn’t._

Adora decided to just breathe and not panic until she checked around her own house, like any normal person would, and trust her gut on this one. She put on her panties and an old shirt, then practically crawled out of her bedroom, peeking from the door like a nervous child.

Then that distinctive smell of cigarette smoke filled her lungs with relief. 

She smiled, feeling silly.

She found Catra in the terrace, leaning against the balcony rail and having a smoke, her back turned to Adora.

“Hey”, Adora said lazily. “Why are you up so early? For a moment there, I thought you were gone”, she admitted, coming closer to her.

Catra turned to face her, wearing a thoughtful – and tired – expression.

“Couldn’t sleep”, she tried a smile, “sorry”.

“Really? After the work out I gave you last night?” Adora approached her and gently pressed her against the balcony, leaning in for a kiss. Then she felt Catra turn a little stiff beneath her. “Something wrong? Does my breath smell?”

Catra chuckled. “No, nothing wrong. Just…” she let out a long sigh. “Overwhelmed, I guess”.

Ah.

So, it _was_ too much for her.

“Oh. Okay”, Adora loosened her grip around Catra to give her more space, then pulled a chair for her to sit on. “Well, if you want to talk about it…”

“I do, but… Maybe later”, she said with a humble smile. “You should go back to sleep”, she continued, her expression filled with care. “I didn’t mean to wake you”.

“You know you didn’t, that was just my own regular biological clock, _heh_ ”, Adora grinned awkwardly. “You’re the one who always sleeps in”.

“Yeah, I know, just… Not today”.

“Okay, how about that, I’m gonna make some coffee, do you want some?”, Adora said, already standing up and bumping her hip on the balcony table in the process. “Also, _ouch_ ”.

“Adora… Fuck”. Catra smiled, taking her hand to Adora’s hipbone, massaging it lightly. Adora looked down and noticed how her skin had already turned pink around the wound. “You’re seriously going to injure yourself one of these days, you know that, right?”

“It has happened on occasion”, she snickered.

“Yeah, I’m not taking anyone to the hospital, so unless you want to bleed to death, be more careful with yourself”. They stayed like that for another second, Catra taking care of Adora’s wound, lightly pressing her fingers to her hips. “How is that?”

“Good, thanks”, she arched her eyebrows and wore a stupid smirk on her face. “And know, if you keep this up, it might get even better”.

“You’re even dumber in the morning”, Catra laughed, taking her hand back to herself and leaning in to kiss Adora’s temple.

“Oh, yes, mornings are known as the dumbest hours of my days”, Adora lightly pushed Catra’s chest.

“I didn’t think it was possible”, Catra sneered, taking a drag of her almost-forgotten cigarette then putting it out.

“So, coffee?"

“Sure, coffee sounds fine”, and just as Adora turned around to head for the kitchen, Catra grabbed her hand and pressed it tight. “Shit, uh, okay. Adora, do you ever wish you were with someone more, uh…” Adora turned to face her again. “Someone more ready? I mean… For this dumb dating, relationship stuff or whatever”.

“Mmmm? What exactly do you mean?”, Adora asked, creasing her eyebrows in confusion.

“Well… We never really talked about our, uh… About what we’re doing here. And I know you care about that stuff and that’s what you had with _Stardust_ or whatshername and I—uh. I’m not – used to be like that”.

Oh, so _that’s_ what was bothering her.

She wasn’t being weird because Adora was too much for _her_ , but because she was afraid of not being enough for _Adora_.

So cute.

“I know you’re not, but that’s okay”, she said with a reassuring smile. “The only person I wish I were with is _you_ , Catra”.

“But… Aren’t you afraid that I may never get there? That I can’t give you what you need?”

“You already do”.

“You say that, but…”, she leaned herself against the rail and glanced straight at Adora. “I know it bothers you. Not knowing. Not putting a name to it, I mean”.

Adora paused and leaned against the arm of the couch in the living room, crossing her arms.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, sometimes it does bother me, yeah”, she said gravely, and another hint of care appeared in Catra’s mismatched eyes. “It matters to me, you know, having our relationship… Well-defined. It helps me with my anxiety, it makes me feel safer”.

“Yeah… You know what? I think I get it”, Catra simply said, crossing the threshold between the terrace and the living room and approaching her.

“But we’re making this together and it has to work for both of us. And I don’t want to push you into a conversation you’re not ready for. The last time I tried, it didn’t go well”.

“Adora… I get it. I--”, she took another step closer to Adora.

“So, I’m trying to be patient, you know. I can put those needs on hold, because what we have is new, and we’re just getting started, but it’s already so much better than anything I’ve had before, and I’m in this--”. Then she noticed a very annoyed Catra staring at her with crossed arms and puffing. “Oh, sorry, I’m rambling here, and I interrupted you, _heh_ , go ahead”.

Catra sighed. “I get why it matters to you now”, she said, bashfully avoiding any eye contact. “And I think I get it, because… Shit, because it matters to me too”.

“Huh. It does? Really? So, do you want… Does that mean…”

“It means I want you to be my fucking girlfriend, alright?” She spurted a little heatedly, finally looking into Adora’s eyes. “It means that, for me, you already are, but I guess it really makes a difference to be able to just say it or whatever”.

“Oh, my God”, Adora said slowly, already using her best teasing tone. “You want me to be your _girlfriend_?”.

“Stop it”, Catra hissed, trying to suppress a smile.

“That’s _so_ embarrassing for you”, Adora joked.

“Yeah, well, I guess I have a thing for dumb princesses after all”. 

“Oh, I’ll show you who’s the princess, _girlfriend_ ”, Adora said, pulling Catra to her, then taking her into a long, deep kiss – screw morning breath, a situation like that kind of demands a good kiss, right?

“Get off me, your breath stinks”, Catra whined chuckling, but didn’t push Adora away. On the contrary, she searched for her lips again, for another kiss – more heated, this time.

“You know… Mornings also happen to be the _horniest_ hours of my day”, Adora whispered when they parted, her hands stroking Catra’s thighs.

“Okay, that’s… A little scary, I have to be honest with you”, Catra smirked. “But also…”

“Do you still want that coffee?”, Adora asked, her finger already between Catra’s legs, stroking over her underwear.

“Mmmm, what coffee?”.

And the day, very much like them, was just beginning.

***

Minister Prime was impeached on January 19th – thus giving Adora the best birthday present she could ever get in her life. Less than a month later, he was found guilty and sentenced to 20 years of prison, with no chance of parole. Hordak got seven years of jail for money laundering and tax evasion – but also had to pay a shitload of money in damages to Adora after she won the civil lawsuit against him for wrongful termination. As for Alliance, Adora’s organization with Mara, it grew much faster than they both anticipated, especially after a quirky old lady named Razz decided to finance it. She never found out who DT really was, but they still chat every now and then.

Catra donated her old property to Scorpia’s mothers, so they could turn it into a shelter for homeless teenagers in the Black Garnett – similar to the one they already owned and where Catra took shelter when she needed. She found a gallery that was inclined to host her first solo exhibition, which she called _Corridors_ , and the feedback was being very rewarding. The money Catra earned from selling her photos went to renovating the house, as the money Adora got from winning Hordak’s lawsuit. It would take a long while before the place was done, but at least Catra’s heart was finally at ease with that part of her past – therapy was helping her a lot, too.

It was the middle of March when Catra asked Adora to go with her to the Black Garnett, so she could see her mother’s grave. Catra looked a little introspective at first, quiet even. But after a long moment just staring at her mother’s name, she wiped away her tears, cuddled up in Adora’s arms and led them both to the exit. The weather was getting warm again, the ever-relentless change of seasons, a new chapter of their lives was starting.

It had been a while since they had any _first time_ in their fresh committed relationship, but this one I wanted to save for last.

They were walking through the graveyard on their way out, talking about how great Scorpia and Perfuma’s new place was, and Adora was saying something about how hard it was to beat them at karaoke, because they had so much synergy. Catra agreed, really glad that her best friend found each other who took her just as she was.

Much like Adora took her.

Adora laughed hysterically while describing Glimmer’s reaction when she saw Scorpia and Perfuma’s score after singing Eternal Flame, her arms around Catra’s shoulder. Hopefully, she said, Bow and Glimmer wouldn’t have karaoke at their wedding, otherwise that could end up in “complete disaster”.

Catra let her head fall on Adora’s shoulder, Adora turned to the side to kiss her forehead. And the words fell out so naturally, like a light warm breeze caressing her ears before making its way to Adora’s heart.

“Thank you for coming with me today”, Catra said, and Adora just smiled. “I love you”.

Although Adora already knew that for a while, although Catra’s actions reaffirmed that to her every single day, even when they argued or fought about some silly thing, it turns out that Catra had been right a few months ago, when she asked Adora to be her girlfriend.

It really made a difference to be able to say it.

Or, in Adora's case, hear it.

“I love you, too”, she replied, tightening her grip on Catra’s shoulder.

And for a long time, each moment Catra said that to her – and even when she didn’t say it, but instead just gazed at her with a soft expression and that shy smile on her face. Every time she made Adora laugh until her stomach ached or made her come so hard that she thought she would die. Every time she pushed Adora’s buttons until she lost her temper or pretended that she wasn’t jealous. Every time they danced, fucked, fought, laughed together or cried together.

They all still felt like the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title credit: Jessie Ware - What's your pleasure?
> 
> Adora's karaoke mention: The Bangles - Eternal Flame
> 
> Hey, me again. And I'm gonna miss this :) I really hope you enjoyed reading it. And if you did, please leave a comment, kudos, recommend it or whatever :) 
> 
> You are the best.
> 
> Oh, yes, and Prime's impeachment was wishful thinking - i bet you know what I'm talking about.
> 
> See ya!

**Author's Note:**

> The song they dance to in the club can be anyone you like, but I imagined something a little like Goldfrapp - Strict Machine (which also inspired the chapter's title).
> 
> i'm [@almostetherian](https://twitter.com/almostetherian) on Twitter


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